"We're good." Nick answers for me, his hand patting my knee. "Just going to hang out for a bit before we call it a night. It's been so long since we saw each other, and we won't get another chance for a while."
The truth of his words makes me sad. I wouldn't call this the best night of my life, but it has been nice to reconnect with our old friends. In listening to them talk, I feel like I've gotten closer to Noah than I've been since he died. Being here, in the place he left us, hurts. But it's a pain that somehow feels good, too.
"You sure, Nikki? I could drop you off on the way..."
"Get Alice home." I shake my head. "I'll be fine."
"Okay," Peanut nods. "Text her when you get home tonight. The roads are bad and if she wakes up to no text from you, she'll panic."
"Will do." I nod.
"You got her, right?" Peanut's question is for Nick, who nods.
"Of course. They don't call me Saint Nick for nothing."
Peanut shakes his head, laughing at the nickname the old ladies in the church gave Nick when he was young enough that he still tried to be the perfect child.
Eventually, when we began to see through all the bullshit, he started to rebel, but Saint Nick stuck even as he grew into a rebellious teen.
"Alice?" I call. "I love you!"
I used to tell my friends I loved them all the time; the distance between us became too great and I wasn't sure I was even still capable of love. In this moment, though, I know I am. It's true that I love her like a sister, like family, even if we've drifted apart against the changing landscape of adulthood and relationships and death.
"I luh you—" She slurs before the words are swallowed in a swell of vomit.
Peanut runs to her side, pulling her hair back into his fist and rubbing her back as she lets it out.
I wonder idly how we're going to clean that up so no one knows we were here. Strictly speaking, since the church is property of the town, we aren't supposed to be here during non-business hours. Noah warned me about as much when he invited me, telling me it may land me on the naughty list.
"What a lightweight." Cole chuckles, tipping his beer against the smirk on his mouth as he takes a sip.
Once Alice's vomiting subsides enough, Peanut scoops her into his arms in a bridal carry, draping her coat over her, and heads out.
I can't help wondering if I'll ever find a love like that again. What if all we get is one shot, one person to feelreal, genuine love for, and I lost mine already? Will I have to live the rest of my life alone?
"What's with the tears, snow angel?" Nick asks, his thumb swiping away a tear I hadn't even realized I cried.
I blink, suddenly realizing how close he is, how his lips are pulled down in a show of concern.
There's no way I could speak past the lump in my throat, so I swallow it instead, mustering the faintest smile. "Just tired."
"You want me to take you home already?"
I don't miss the reluctance in his voice, the same reluctance I feel to let this moment end. Years of friendship, bent and broken and nearly shattered and now being slowly rebuilt. I don't want to lose the moment, the human connection, the friend that I lost years ago that I've seen in small glimpses tonight. Getting back something that I lost feels so good.
"Soon."
Chapter 4
Nikki
"Youshouldhavesomemore eggnog now." Cole says. "We've gotta finish it before we leave."
I open my mouth to tell him no, but he's already pushing a cup into my hand.
"Only if you get my phone back from Brant and put on some good Christmas music."
Cole grins, snatching my phone quickly, navigating through the list of songs as I sip my drink and Brant pouts.
