"You never meant for me to get hurt." I repeat. "So, what did you mean to happen?"
"It was just supposed to be fun."
"Fun?"
I can't even muster outrage. My voice is flat, calm.
He's delusional.
"It wasn't supposed to go like that. We were just going to have a little fun and then take you home."
"A little fun." I say again, because I almost think I'm the crazy one here. "Funfor you is taking away someone's autonomy?"
"Nikki..." He chides, shaking his head. His irritation is written on his face, and it bleeds into his voice. "Stop making this something it isn't."
"You're thebad guy, Nick." I tell him, leaning down to be closer to his face. His breath leaves him on a silvery plume of air, and he shivers. I guess my proximity is chilling, effectively sapping the warmth from him. That's a small victory all its own. "You know that, right?"
"Jesus forgives us of all our sins. Mine are already forgiven." He smirks ever so slightly, as if I will agree with him and put an end to this. "And you told me you forgave me too."
"I forgive you for being a shitty friend." I tell him, thoughtful. "And I forgive you for not protecting me when we were kids, because you were as much a victim as me."
His throat bobs as he swallows, his eyes sharpening on me. "What do you mean?"
"Crazy what lengths our brains will go to, to protect us from reality." I don't have to say anything more. We both know what I mean. "Even crazier, how much your soul holds onto once your body releases it."
"Nikki..."
"I forgive you for it, Nick. What you did to me..."
"I love you!" He rushes out, straining against where his arms are tied down at his sides. "I always have. And I'm sorry that we didn't end up together. I fucked up our happily ever after..."
"Our happily ever after?" I nearly choke on my disdain. "Nick, there's no such thing."
"There could have been. If you'd chosen me... all those years ago. All I ever wanted was you."
"All you ever wanted was to control me... to smother me. And you succeeded, in the end. I'mdead, Nick, and there's no going back."
"I know, Snow Angel. But I can join you. I can—"
I have to laugh this time. It starts as an astonished chuckle, but it cascades quickly out of control; the absurdity of it is too much. It takes me over for a moment, the humor possessing every inch of what's left of me.
If I was still trapped inside the husk of my body, I'd probably be out of breath with tears leaking down my face from the force of the laughter. As it is, I simply laugh loudly and openly as Nick glares at me, clearly offended.
I do my best to compose myself before trying to explain.
"You're really not getting this, are you?" I shake my head. I'm ready to phone a friend for help getting through to Nick, but myfriend is a little tied up right now. "I don't know what happens when I get justice for what you did. I don't actually care that much, because I know who's going to be there with me."
When he stares at me expectantly, I snort. "It's not you. You can't really think we're going to the same place?"
I don't know if Heaven and Hell are real; it doesn't matter at this point. But I do know that regardless of whatever follows this, I won't spend a second of it with him by my side.
When he only continues to stare at me, though, I have to ask.
"Where do you think you'll go... when you die?"
He doesn't miss a beat. "To heaven."
Heaven.
