I sat back and let the letter flutter to my lap. I hadn’t realized I was even crying until the first tear fell off my chin onto the paper.
Well, fuck.Nix’s words were soft, but full of emotion.
I hit my head against the wall, letting the tears come. “Yeah.” I choked out before the sobs came. My soul was ripping in two, and this was just the second letter. “How am I supposed to read all of these?”
My question hung in the air. But it was Megan’s calm voice that pulled me back from the brink.We have to read them, Amy. We have to face them because Rowan took the time to write them all. You are being ripped apart from reading them, but from the sounds of these letters…he was ripped apart writing them.
I opened the next envelope.
Amy,
I haven’t heard from you in a week. I hope you read my letter. I know it is stupid for me to think you will forgive me instantly, but I hope you will give me a minute to explain it to you. I’ve spent this last week getting updates every day from Sterling. I don’t know if I ever told you he is my cousin.
He told me you’ve been stuck in your apartment. I can’t help but worry about what you’re going through. Has your heat ended? Have you been looking for me? Have you called? I know the answer to the last one, it’s no, but I wish it was yes. I check my phone endlessly all day waiting for your message.
I even look for an email, anything to let me know what is going on.
I was too stupid to get Wendy’s or Toya’s number as I ran like a coward from your place. But your scent, goddess, yourscent, was driving me crazy. It’s wrong and still it was the most delicious scent I had ever smelled in my life.
I can’t sleep without dreaming of you.
I know you struggled with your heat, and I am so sorry. If we were a little less stupid, or had wolves a little less stubborn, this would have never happened. I would have never fallen in love with you, or maybe you would be smart enough not to like me. I don’t know.
I don’t know what to think or how to feel. What I do know is that I dream of you. Every day. I smell your skin in the air, taste your lips against mine. And then I wake up and you’re gone, a ghost.
You are haunting me, and I don’t ever want you to stop.
Goddess, save me.
Rowan
I toss the letter down and wipe my face. It was only the second one and I can barely breathe. How am I supposed to do this? Read them all? But then I remember Megan’s words and I grab the next letter. If he was brave enough to write them, I would read them.
Amy,
It’s been two weeks since I left you. I thought you’ve been ignoring me, but Sterling just told me you’ve come out of your heat after a week. A week? That is almost unheard of for wolves. For lycans it is pretty standard for a female in heat, but it lessens with their mate present.
What I wouldn’t give to be your mate.
I think about it sometimes. It’s stupid, I know. But I can’t stop running it through my mind. What it would mean if you were my goddess-given mate? I think I’ve lived our lives together a thousand times by now.
I can’t believe I’m admitting this to you but I had this dream. I don’t even know if you can call it a dream. I think about it,dream about it even when I’m awake. It has become my newest obsession. I can barely make it through a meeting without our life unfolding like a story in my mind.
My mind has rewritten our meeting. How when I walked into the classroom and I spotted you? Instead of my heart stopping for a minute, and then I had to pretend to not be distracted. That my first thought about you wasn’t that you were the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Instead, I walked into the classroom and your scent hit my nose and I knew. You were meant to be mine. I kicked everyone else out of the room, and I released my scent for you to recognize me as your other half.
We barely made it to our mating ceremony. I have pictured years with you. Our kids. So many kids.
But then someone speaks and I’m back here. In this place where I left you when you needed me the most and now I can’t see you. Can’t touch you. Can’t even hear your voice because it would rip me open.
Goddess, I am the worst kind of man there is. I have started to hate my wolf. His name is Erubus. I don’t think I ever told you about my wolf. I wanted to run with you, so you could meet him, but we never had any time to.
I hate that. I hate that I never got to meet your wolf. Why did we never run together?
I’m rambling at this point, but the truth of it is that this is all I have to hold on to. Your father has started in with these new plans he wants to have a meeting about, and I have this pit in my stomach.
I wish I could come to your place and talk to you, but he’s sworn me to stay away. He says it’s better this way, but for who? It’s not me.
Rowan
