Our pup. She was ours now. Her father had joined her mom, and I was all she had left. And my wolves accepted her instantly. Tears welled up in my eyes.Thank you.I sent back to them but they just shook their heads.
Foolish girl, she was meant to be ours. Can’t you feel it?Nix came a bit closer, and Megan joined her. I felt them reach out to Carly, and her sobs quieted a little.
“I can do this.” Toya nodded towards her in the tub, but I shook my head.
“I think…” My words faded. “I know. We need this. All of us.” I looked over my shoulder and Toya nodded.
“He’s still outside.” Her words were soft.
“And there he can stay.” My words held a bite. I closed my eyes as I scrubbed the shampoo through Carly’s hair.
“You made a promise.” Toya leaned against the door frame.
I let out a deep sigh. And I gave a nod. “She said I could be angry. And I am.”
Toya nodded. “But…” She stared at me with knowing eyes.
“But when I’m less angry, I will listen. I gave my word.” I looked at her again. “But that doesn’t mean it is going to be anytime soon.” She snorted out a laugh.
“I’ll send him away.” I nodded once more than rinsed out the shampoo.
“Okay baby girl. We need to drain this yucky water and start fresh.” I pulled the plug and watched as the rusty water drained away.
She looked up at me with swollen eyes. “He’s gone.”
The tub finished draining as Carly stood there, and I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, he is.” She shivered as I turned the warm water back on, allowing the tub to refill. But I doubt she felt any of it. I helped her back into the water and squeezed more shampoo into her hair, the water barely changing color this time. After I rinsed, I added the conditioner. I knew I was stalling. What do I say to a kid who just lost everything?
“Carly…” She barely registered my voice, but her eyes finally met mine. “I won’t lie to you and tell you that the pain, this hurt, will go away anytime soon.” She whimpered, her little lip trembling as she turned to face me fully. “Pain like this, loss like this. It’s going to hurt for a very long time.” How do you explain this kind of loss to a child?
But she nodded. “I don’t think I’ll ever not miss my daddy.”
I cupped her face. “And that is okay.” I wiped her tears. “But daddy wants you to be okay. And he wants you to be happy. Right?” She nodded as she bit her bottom lip. “But.” I wiped at her fresh tears. “I want you to know that it is okay to be sad. To be mad.” She looked up at me. “Some days, especially right now, are going to be hard. But I’m going to be here with you. Anytime you want to talk about your daddy, anytime you want to yell or cry or just be sad or mad, I’ll be here.”
I turned her around and rinsed out the conditioner. Once she was clean, I got her out of the tub and wrapped her in her robe. I sat her down as I blow dried her hair. I danced around her, making sure not to get her dirty again.
We got her into a fresh set of pajamas, and then I tucked her into bed. I turned on her dancing bear nightlight and then Iturned to leave her to grieve while I went to figure out what the hell I was doing. “Amy?” Her soft voice stopped me at her door.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Are you my new mommy?” Her question, so heavy. Too heavy for a little girl who just had her world shattered.
I turned back and went to the side of her bed. “Your mommy, she went to be with the Goddess when you were a babe, and your daddy joined her.” She nodded, but then her little lip trembled. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t want to be my mommy.” She covered her face with her hands.
“Oh Goddess, baby, of course I do.” I reached for her and pulled her as close to me as I could, still covered in muck. She pulled back and I cupped her face. “I will be whoever you want me to be. Your friend, your family, someone who takes care of you. But listen to me when I say this. You are mine, ours. My wolves accept you as ours. Never for one second think differently.” I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Now sleep.”
She leaned back against the bed and curled up into a little ball, tears streaming down her face. I walked to her door and stepped out, but leaned against the frame, listening to her tiny sobs. Toya walked back up to me.
“She okay?” I just shook my head. “Can’t blame her.” She leaned against the other wall. “I got him to leave, but he said he will be back.” I just cut her a look, earning a smirk. “I’m not getting involved.” She looked to the door as we heard another sob. “She won’t sleep tonight.”
She has lost everything.Nix whispered, her heart hurting for our pup.
She is going to be a wreck for a while, and sleep will be hard.Megan settled against my barrier as Nix pulled closer.Can we help her?
I pushed away from the door frame. “Let’s give her a minute.” Toya followed me to the next room, my room, I guess.
“What are you going to do?” She closed the door behind us. “You have a kid now that no one can know about.”
