When You’re Gone by G-Eazy is the only thing keeping me sane as I sit in an uncomfortable silence beside Amira.
Her stillness is unnerving, the tranquility on her face a façade for the turmoil bubbling underneath the surface. It’s hard enough that she won’t even fucking look in my direction, choosing to stare at the cars zooming in the right lane beside us, but she’s too fucking quiet, even when her thoughts are thunderous.
Turning my head to gaze at her shadowed silhouette, I spot her eyes in the reflection. It’s impossible not to see anguish mirrored in those chocolate orbs. I don’t know how I ever saw her and was able to ignore the sorrow she carries so closely.
For the hundredth time, I question if I’m making the right decision by her. I vowed to protect Amira no matter the cost, even if the price is myself.
I’m a selfish prick for forcing her to do this. Only an asshole gives the woman he loves an ultimatum.
Me or your fucking sanity.
But I can’t do it anymore.
I got out to enjoy Amira. To love and cherish her the way I could only dream about as a teenage boy.
We were supposed to get away from Augustus and start somewhere new. A place no one would know our names. I wouldn’t be Tommy’s twin or Dominic’s son, and Amira would only belong to me.
It was the perfect dream that was derailed by life, but when it could finally happen, it didn’t, and it won’t until Amira realizes that she’s allowed to move on.
The past will never let you go unless you manually remove its claws from your back, and Amira, my sweet, broken angel, isn’t strong enough to do that on her own, not after what she’s been forced to endure. Her strength is depleted, but mine isn’t, and I’ll rip that shit from the depths of my soul and give it to her. I need to show her that she’s not alone. That she’s capable of getting through this, of facing her demons, whether she believes it or not.
This visit is necessary, even if it fucking hurts. Even if she decides to hate me. I’m protecting her by setting her free.
“You should sleep. It’s almost two in the morning. Hopefully, by the time you wake up, we’ll be out of Iowa.”
Traffic is fucking nonexistent at this time of night. And the alarming speed I’m pushing this car is only making this drive fly by quicker than I’m prepared for.
If Amira thinks she’s the only one dreading this return home, she is dead fucking wrong.
Amira releases a sigh that stretches out over the length of a minute. Her small, tight body adjusting on the seat to make herself more comfortable.
She continues to keep herself mute but does settle back in her seat. Hands tucked under her head as she brings her knees to her chest, cuddling herself to keep away the chill from the cracked window.
I would roll it up, but I’m not trying to piss her off any more than I already have. The wind brings her relaxation, even if it is fucking freezing.
Reaching behind her seat, I grasp the corner of her favorite fuzzy blue quilt and bring it forward, settling it over her drowsy figure haphazardly before focusing all my attention back on the road.
“Thank you,” she whispers, and I almost sing in fucking euphoria when the lightness of her tone graces my ears.
She’s silent for another few breaths before spinning around in her seat, head lying flat against the rest as her big, brown eyes gaze up at me in the darkness.
“How long are we going to be driving tonight?”
I don’t answer her right away, wanting to draw out this conversation for as long as I can.
Touching the screen on my phone, I see how much I have left of this thirty-three-hour drive.
Twenty-nine hours left.
Not bad.
“We should hit Omaha in about six more hours. I’ll stop then, and we’ll get some real sleep.”
The conversation dies after that, the music once again filling the void.
I rake my fingers through my hair, brushing through the layer of gel, slicking it back until the dark strands fall in soft waves around my head. The breeze blowing through my curls alleviates some of the vicious pounding at my temples, but not enough, as the road is blurring in and out as I navigate the empty highway.
“Why did Sage look at you that way?”
