Could he feel that another man has been inside me? I fucking hope so since he doesn’t make an effort to hide other women’s scents off of him.
May 1, 2001
I’m pregnant, and I’m ashamed to admit I don’t know who the father is. I’ve only had sex with Gabriel three times in the last month, but I’ve been seeing Dominic since early March. It’s entirely possible this baby is his, but it doesn’t matter either way. Dominic will never know if he fathered this child and Gabriel? I’ll take this secret to my grave.
I wish you did, mom…
I really wish you did.
I skip ahead to the following year, stopping on the date of my birth.
January 4, 2002
She’s beautiful. My perfect Amira. She has ten fingers and ten toes. Gabriel counted since she was born a month early. She was born a month prematurely because that’s when Dominic and I conceived her, but Gabriel has been incredible, becoming the man I first fell in love with. He’s been doting on her since she was born a few hours ago, refusing to let her out of his sight as he introduced three-year-old Liam to his new sister.
He’s asleep right now, with Liam in his lap while his finger is held tight in Amira’s tiny hand.
I can already see she doesn’t have Gabriel’s eyes, and the nose is all Dominic’s. I don’t know how I know, call it a mother’s intuition or a guilty conscience, but my Amira is not Gabriel’s baby.
Doesn’t matter. I won’t ruin this.
This is the family I chose, and this is the family I’ll die for.
I fell in love with Dominic Marcello, but for the sake of my little butterfly and the family he has at home, our love affair can’t continue.
Even if it breaks my heart.
I can’t stop the tears from streaming down my face as my mom’s heart breaks on the page. I couldn’t fathom giving up Roman, and my mother gave up her love for me… for Gabriel.
I wish I could go back in time to stop her from making such a grave mistake, but I can’t.
And she was right.
She did die for us.
The entries stop for years after that, fourteen years to be exact.
She suffered tremendous horrors throughout those years, and a part of me is glad she didn’t document the atrocities committed against her.
I don’t know if I could survive reading them.
There’s only one entry remaining, one month after she left me.
March 2, 2016
I miss my little girl.
I dreamt of my little butterfly last night, and it made me sick with shame. Is this my punishment for being a horrible mother? Reoccurring nightmares of her soft, precious face being beaten until she’s mottled purple while she calls out for me to save her.
So far, I’ve noticed that the nightmares usually go away after a few minutes of panic, but not tonight. Tonight was different. The universe wants me to suffer for abandoning my daughter. But I didn’t leave her. I did what I did to save her… I had to save her, or else she would eventually have gone through what I’ve been going through for years.
Gabriel’s vicious behavior is only growing worse. I don’t know how he’s able to contain it around Amira, but he loves her too much to show her what a monster he really is. He saves that part of him for the night, and he’s taught his son to be the same.
I almost didn’t survive the last hunt, not with Tommy. He’s somehow worse than all of them. I don’t know how, considering his brother is such a sweetheart.
I can’t get Roman’s eyes out of my mind. The pain on his face as he watched his brother brutally rape me will forever haunt my mind, especially when he ended up in prison. I should have said something, told the police the truth so Roman could get a lighter sentencing. He’s only eighteen. He should be free, living his life far away from the wolves that stalk the night. And now he can’t, and it’s my fault.
I will forever blame myself. I just hope Amira never finds out and blames me too.
