He paused in the doorway. Looking back at me, he nodded. “Yeah, may as well. I’m already here.” He walked out, leaving me to watch him as he moved toward the stairs.
My heart fluttered to life in my chest even though I tried to tell it to calm down. We hadn’t talked in over a week. I assumed that nothing had changed for him. It didn’t matter how badly he wanted me; he’d never be able to see me as anything other than Chloe’s little sister. I knew that he wasn’t going to profess his undying love for me or something like that, but that didn’t stop the hopeful side of me as I imagined him pulling me into his arms, promising never to let me go, and kissing me passionately before he carried me to bed for the night.
My stomach muscles tightened with the thought, and that’s when the mental pictures ended. Because even though I wantedto be carried to bed, I had no idea what we’d do once we were there. I’d never been with a man before. Even though I knew the physical side of sex, I didn’t know how to go about it. I didn’t know what he liked or didn’t. Hell, I didn’t even know what I liked. All I knew was that I wanted to explore it all, and only with him. I could never trust someone like Lance with something like this. Even though Roman and I had been within inches of ripping one another’s heads off, I knew that I could trust him.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been cleaning, lost in my morose thoughts, but Roman walked back into the room in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Pizza smells good,” he said, opening the fridge and pulling out a soda. He closed the door and popped open the can as he turned to look at me. I felt my entire body heat under his gaze. Part of it was embarrassment at being caught thinking about him, but the other part was just the way my body had been reacting to him. I wasn’t experienced, but I wasn’t innocent either. I knew what that heat was that kept teasing me. Desire, longing, need.
I forced myself to smile before I turned to the oven, where I opened the door a crack to inspect the pizza.
“Should be done in a few minutes,” I told him.
He nodded and walked out of the kitchen.
Suddenly, I was breathless, wondering if I had taken a breath since he walked in. My entire body relaxed when I was no longer under his stare. I couldn’t believe that he was home and talking to me like nothing had happened between us. I couldn’t believe that he was going to have dinner with us instead of ordering himself something different or complaining that what I’d fixed wasn’t dinner in his book.
I let the pizza cook for a few more minutes, then pulled it out of the oven and set it on the counter to cool before cutting. I fixed myself and Sophia a drink and got the table ready. We wereplanning on watching TV while we eat, but with Roman home, I thought we’d try the table instead. If he decided to take his food to his office, then we’d move to the living room. Finally, I cut the pizza and put a couple of slices on each of our plates.
“The pizza is done,” I called out to them.
Sophia ran in first, and she climbed into her chair at the table. I was sitting down when Roman walked in, grabbed his plate from the island, and moved to sit at the table with us. Sophia lifted her brows in surprise and nervously started picking at her pizza. She was just a kid, but she was smart. She knew how special it was to have her dad join us for dinner.
We were both left wondering how dinner would go. Would we have a nice meal full of laughter and family bonding, or would one of us piss him off, causing him to stomp out of the room and slam his office door behind him?
Only time would tell.
TWENTY-SIX
ROMAN
Dinner was awkward.
The pizza was good, but I could tell both girls were thrown off by my being there. Every time I looked at Sasha, she would divert her eyes like she couldn’t bear to look at me anymore. I couldn’t blame her. I had royally fucked everything up. And Sophia seemed not to know how to act. She stayed quiet while eating, only talking when she was asked a direct question. Something told me that was my fault, too. The ways I had fucked up in life were all present at this dinner. No matter where I looked, I saw the outcome of all my past mistakes.
This feeling weighed me down over dinner. So much so that when everyone was done eating, I pulled my usual move and ran off to my office the moment I could.
Inside, I poured myself a drink and paced the floor as I attempted to give myself a pep talk. I knew I needed to fix things with Sasha. I’d fucked up when I kissed her, but I’d fucked up even more last weekend. Walking away after she kissed me took every ounce of strength I had. I knew I was doing the right thing. She’d been drinking. But then I left the next morning and stayed gone all week. I’d done a lot of thinking the last few days, and even though I hadn’t figured out a way to fix things, I did knowthat I needed to come home. I needed to talk to her about what was going on between us. And I needed to do it when neither of us had been drinking.
I looked at the drink in my hand and thoughtfuck it. One drink would take the edge off, leaving my head clear and mind sharp. I waited until I knew that Sophia was asleep, and then I made my way out of my office, finding the house dark. A blue light flickered from the living room, and when I rounded the corner, I saw Sasha with a bowl of popcorn on the couch, watching TV.
“What are you watching?” I asked, walking into the living room with my hands in my pockets.
She shrugged, not bothering to look at me.
“Some stupid horror movie,” she mumbled, eating a piece of popcorn.
“Thought you hated horror movies?” I remembered Chloe and me taking her to watch a zombie flick several years before. She kept her eyes covered until we finally gave up and left midway through.
“I needed something scarier than real life.”
I walked deeper into the room and sat down beside her.
She looked over at me. “You’re staying?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I thought that maybe it would be a good time to talk about things.” I looked over at her. “You know, since it’ll be the first time that Sophia isn’t running around and we’re both sober at the same time.”
She arched her brow. “You’re sober?”
