“I miss her,” I told him.
His mouth twitched. “I miss her too.”
He stared at me for a moment, both of us just reading the other. He moved his hands from his lap and put them on the bed like he was going to push himself up. Just as he began to rise, I acted.
I grabbed his wrist and stopped him. “Don’t go.”
He turned to look at me from over his shoulder. I saw a million questions written on his face, yet he kept them locked tight inside himself.
“I don’t want to be left alone anymore.” Those words made tears flood my eyes. “Don’t leave me. Please, stay.” Heat rushed through me, making my body burn in an unfamiliar way. “Just until I fall asleep. I need someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be OK.”
I noticed the way his face changed over the next few seconds. At first, he was surprised; then he looked almost offended; thenit resolved. I saw it as he finally gave in and turned to take his place on the bed beside me.
He lay down, and I lifted his arm, wrapping it around me as I curled up to his side, resting my head on his chest.
“Thank you,” I whispered, drinking in his heat and scent.
Our talk reminded me of the good old days when he made me feel safe and protected, like when he taught me how to swim. Even when I didn’t trust myself, I trusted him. And I was getting that all over again.
I knew that warm, fuzzy feeling would be replaced by guilt in the morning. If I had still been a kid asking my sister’s husband to cuddle me to sleep, she wouldn’t have minded. But I was sure she wouldn’t have liked seeing it with me, a college student. I was too old for all that. Something innocent had suddenly been turned into something dirty by something as simple as age.
I told myself it was innocent, but I knew deep down that there wasn’t anything innocent about wrapping myself around Roman. I got a taste of him when he carried me to bed, and it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want a fast shot that would wear off quickly. I wanted the whole bottle. As long as I was with him, I was safe and protected.
I rested my hand on his stomach, just above the waistband of his sweatpants. I closed my eyes and breathed him in deeply. His warmth rushed through my system, and before I knew it, I was drunk on more than just alcohol. He swam through my veins faster than any drink ever could.
It terrified me.
EIGHTEEN
ROMAN
Ididn’t know what the fuck to do. I had no idea how I got where I was.
How exactly did I end up in Sasha’s bed?
My body was rigid and tense from her pulling me down beside her. I had one arm around her, holding her to my side. Her cheek was burning my bare skin, and when she rested her hand on my stomach, it felt like tossing gasoline on a fire.
“I miss this side of you,” she murmured.
I swallowed over the lump forming in my throat. “What does that mean?”
“This is the side of you that we all fell in love with. Right now, you’re the guy who showed me how to swim, who kept me safe, and got me to trust him even when I couldn’t trust myself. I thought this side of you was gone for good. But it’s not. You’ve been here all along.”
“I’m not that guy anymore, and I never will be,” I told her, trying to ignore the way my heart was racing from holding her. “He’s pretty fucking broken now. He’s long gone.”
“I refuse to believe that.”
“Why?” I asked, my stomach growing tight as I used all of my strength to hold back my anger.
“You’re here, aren’t you?”
“Only because you asked me to be.”
“It doesn’t matter why. What’s important is that you’re here now.” She nuzzled a little deeper, and the room became quiet.
I didn’t know what I could say to make her see the truth. I was no longer the guy she used to know. The guy she used to know would’ve never crawled into bed with her as I had. That guy wouldn’t have had the dirty thoughts I was having either. All I could think about was how good she felt against me, how soft her skin was, how sweet she smelled.
If she felt that good against me, I knew she’d feel even better wrapped around me, and that thought made my cock ache with a need I hadn’t been able to fill no matter how many women I fucked.
