With the sheer exhaustion of the last few days weighing me down, I flopped back on my bed. He hadn’t said anything about Dylan and I was going to keep his role in all of this as secret as possible, not because I was ashamed of him, but simply because I needed to protect him. Everything that had happened flew around in my brain. Ideas lit up and faded into the darkness like lightning bugs in the summer nights.
Summer.
Baseball.
Dylan.
I needed him. He made me whole. He accepted me.
But now he hated me.
And now, I was truly alone.
I toed off my shoes, letting them drop to the floor in a loudthunk, before pulling the covers over me. “I’m gonna get some sleep.” I spoke to the wall and heard Reid mumble that he was there for me.
He could say it all he wanted, but I knew I had no one. I had screwed up everything and Reid suffered because of it. Apparently, my fuckedupness knew no bounds.
Having slept in my car the previous night exhausted me. I slept much later than I had intended, so even though I was lucky enough to avoid my father the next morning, the afternoon was rolling on and I needed to get out of my house now.
With my duffle bag loaded, I took one last look at my room. A numb cloud of nothingness hung over me. I stopped midway down the stairs as I heard the front door open. I couldn’t decide if I was happy that it was Reid and not my father. He’d want to know what I was doing, where I was going. He’d more than likely try to talk me into staying, or beg to come with me.
“Where are you going?” Reid stood calmly at the base of the stairs, not giving an inch as I tried to move past him.
“Away.” I needed to keep it simple. Saying goodbye to Reid would break me.
He grabbed my arm, twisted me to face him. “Take me with you.” His jaw was clenched tightly, but his eyes – they begged me. He’d seen the worst of what Dad could be; he knew my deepest secrets and still stood by my side.
As my shoulders sagged under the immense pressure of everything, I dropped my bag. The front door opened and our father slid in. “Fine,” I whispered so Dad couldn’t hear me. “Tomorrow. Just don’t say anything.”
Dad turned the corner just as I finished my sentence. His cold eyes traveled over me from head to toe, stopping on the bag at my feet. “Going somewhere?” He crossed him arms over his chest, glaring at me the whole time.
“No, sir.” Both Reid and I stood there, used to the drill: eyes cast down, words kept to a minimum, disagreements non-existent. I hoped the inquisition would pass quickly and mostly pain-free.
“Inside.” His single-word command was laced with so much contempt I could feel it in my bones. “Now.”
Reid walked in front of me and when I fell in line behind him, Dad kicked out his foot, dropping me to the cold, hard tile floor.
I couldn’t even get my hands out quick enough. My chin hit the ceramic tile with a loud cracking noise. Pain lanced through my head as I felt the pressure of his knee landing on my back.
“Leave him alone!” Reid yelled, racing back toward us. He barreled into Dad and managed to get him off me, but that didn’t stop Dad from coming back even harder.
He elbowed Reid in the gut, knocking him to the ground as he fought for air. “You,” he seethed, pointing a finger in my direction. I skittered back on my ass, using my hands and heels for whatever leverage I could gain. The edge of the bottom step lodged into my back where Dad’s knee had been and I gasped in pain.
He bent down, pulled me up by the collar of my shirt. “You a fag?” He titled his head to the side, looking at me like the deranged maniac that he was. He spun me around, shoved me up against the wall. A family picture came crashing down over my head.
Appropriate, I thought to myself as a flippant laugh came out. “You think this is funny?” He crushed his knee into my crotch and I crumbled before him.
The pain was unbearable. Vomit rose in my throat and erupted out of my mouth. Reid tried to fight back, stumbling to his feet when he could finally breathe again.
“You’re a fucking monster!” Reid screamed in Dad’s face.
Monster was probably the most accurate description I could come up with. Dad cocked his arm back and landed a punch square to Reid’s nose. Blood spurted everywhere as Reid groaned in pain. He slid down the wall, cupping his bashed nose in his hands.
Crouched in front of me, Dad shoved my face in my own throw up. “You disgust me. You sorry excuse for…for…everything.”
With one final shove into my own puke, he stood before me and kicked me in the stomach as I lay there curled to my side. Something broke in me right then. Whatever fight I thought I had instantly vanished, almost as if it had never been there in the first place.
Blood pounded in my ears so I didn’t even hear her walk in. Mom gasped loud enough to draw Dad’s attention away from me. I was too broken to stand, to speak, to do anything really.
