As I watched him stalk toward her and raise his hand, all I could hear were Dylan’s words.
“You’re weak and pathetic.”
His backhanded slap threw her back with such force that she crashed into the wall behind her. “Your son’s a fucking homo. But I bet you already knew that.” His glare bounced back and forth from me, to Mom and then back to Reid. “You all probably knew it. Goddamn conspiracy to make me look like a fool. Imagine how shocked I was when Alex found me, showed me all the pictures.”
“Thomas, leave them alone.” Mom stumbled to her feet, her voice stronger than I had ever heard it.
“Stay out of this. You’re just as useless as they are.” He brushed past her, slammed and locked the front door. “You’re all staying here until I figure out how to deny everything Alex says is all over the place. You will not sully my name. You will not make this family look bad.”
He strode back over to me, pulled me up by the collar once more. “Now, clean this mess up and get out of my face. You’re no longer my son. May as well be dead for all I care.”
“Rebecca, get in the kitchen now. It’s almost dinner time.” She followed behind him, like the battered and broken woman she was. Reid helped me clean up the hallway, mopping up the blood and vomit mixture with a few towels.
Wordlessly, we walked up to our room, tended to our wounds and stared at our ceiling.
“Shane.” Mom knelt beside my bed. I had to have fallen asleep because the room was pitch black and Reid snored lightly in his bed on the other side of the room.
“Mom.” She reached down and clasped our hands together. I couldn’t see her; the room was too dark, but I knew she had been crying. I could hear it in the rasp of her voice.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” I nodded, my head throbbing in violent pain. Surely, I’d needed medical attention, but that was always out of the question.
“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll be fine,” I lied.
“We’ll figure it out. It’ll get better. Maybe we can leave and just hope he won’t find us.” Before she could say more, we both heard my father’s stumbling footsteps from the hallway. “I have to go, but we’ll figure it out. I promise, baby.”
As the door softly clicked behind her, I vowed that he would never be able to find me.
One last call. It went straight to voicemail, just as I’d expected.
“Dylan, I’m sorry I couldn’t be everything you needed, everything you deserved. I love you. I always will. I’m sorry.” I choked back the numb tears. My insides were hollow; my life was empty.
One last letter.
Mom & Reid,
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to deal with the pain. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you both; you deserve more than that, more than me. Please know that I tried to think of a better way, I really did. There just isn’t. So this is how it has to be; it’s too difficult otherwise.
Shane
I licked the envelope closed, tossed it on Reid’s pillow, and walked across the hall to the bathroom. Everyone was gone. Dad had left for work, but not before creeping in my room, telling me to be here when he got home later. Reid left for school, his face bruised and body haggard. I wasn’t sure where Mom was. At work, I’d assumed.
It was just me and my failures, my sadness, mynothingness.
That there was nothing left at all was a harsh reality to face.
Looking down at the handful of Mom’s sleeping pills, I thought to count them, but there was no point. After swallowing back as many as I could, I leaned against the sink. Thoughts of Dad finding me if I had the courage to run away raced around my already fucked-up head.
I’d make sure that never happened. I turned the water on in the tub, slipped into the warm bath. Once the drowsy sickness of the pills blurred my vision and made my hands wobbly, I pushed the blade against my skin and let the pain fade away.
After three days of radio silence, I felt like I had finally cleared my head. I couldn’t stay pissed at Shane forever, and if I was being honest with myself, I wasn’t entirely innocent in this whole mess. I should have let him explain. I should have called him back.
I threw my stuff together to head home for Thanksgiving, excited to see Shane again, to tell him how sorry I was for shutting him out.
When I got into my car, I plugged my phone into the charger and turned it on for the first time in days. Lights flashed andbloopssounded out. Fifteen voicemails and twice as many texts.
The most recent was from Reid. Ice flowed in my veins as I opened the message. Two words stabbed me in the chest.
He’s gone.
