As I drove through the darkness, I hated myself more and more. A million explanations ran around in my head, but none of them would ever be enough to explain my life to Quinn. He was too perfect to understand a degenerate like me. He’d never be able to wrap his head around why I left and even if he could, he’d never be able to look at me the same ever again.
So even though I’d thoughtabout him every single day since I left, he was the reason I could never go home. I’d known if I ever saw him again, I’d crack open, spill my secrets, and share my sadness.
And he’d hate me.
So I’d stayed away. I created the life I knew I should have. And I loved it.
For the most part.
Except for the damn loneliness.
Without even thinking about it, I ended up at the field where I’d takenQuinn the other night. With the lush grass under my back, I looked up to the stars, hoping they would solve my emotional dilemma.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d have it figured out,” I spoke to the sparkling lights.
Then, as if they’d actually heard my plea, the heavens shot one of their own, letting it dance across the night sky in a bright flash of light.
The star’s path led me to an epiphanythat perhaps I’d known all along.
Could it be that simple?Could it be that I needed to run away, to come here and build my life so that I could give Quinn the real me?
I heard about it all the time, in television shows and movies, those stupid motivational memes everyone shared on their Instagram accounts. They boasted of how all their mistakes, every step of their journey, whether they begood or bad, had led them right to where they were. They felt proud of the mistakes they’d made, stronger for having faced their adversities, more complete because of the challenges they’d faced.
Maybe being separated from Quinn gave me the space I needed to make peace with my past so I could share it with him, knowing he’d accept me no matter what.
It was a long shot, but one I just might bewilling, if not entirely ready, to take.
So when I hopped back in my car, I was on a new high, one that would help me connect my past and my present so that I just might possibly feel like I deserved a future.
It was impossible not to worry the entire drive home. My gut twisted when I thought about what I would do if Quinn wasn’t there.Well, if you keep running away from him, you asshole, hemight not always be there.That thought alone was enough to dull some of the anxieties I had about opening up to him.
I had no idea what to expect when I walked through my door, but the last thing I expected to see when I pulled into my driveway was another car. “Who the hell?” I asked myself as Iclosed my door. But as I walked past the car and the North Carolina license plate stared back at me, I had decent idea of who was waiting for me inside.
Despite being calm and in control of my emotions just minutes ago, anger and frustration raced through my veins, making me feel as if my skin were on fire. When I stepped over the threshold and saw my brother sitting on my couch, calmly talkingto Quinn, I saw red.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I seethed, slamming the door behind me.
Patrick stood from the couch just as a hand dropped to my shoulder from behind. Caught off guard, I spun around so quickly, I knocked the glass Sarah was holding to the floor. “I’m so sorry,” she explained as she crouched to the ground to clean up the pieces. Patrick moved past me to help her.
“Such a gentleman,” I scoffed, walking away from their commotion. If I was going to make it through whatever the hell this impromptu meeting was for, I was going to need a strong drink.
Or two.
With a double whiskey in hand, I walked back into the living room where Quinn was sitting in silence. “Was this your idea?” There was no hiding the annoyance in my voice.
Quinn stepped toward me withso much emotion written all over his gorgeous face, I nearly broke on the spot. “They just showed up. Haven’t been here for more than ten minutes. But I think you should hear them out,” he pleaded as he covered my hand with his.
In a flash of an anger I hadn’t felt in years, I pulled away from him. Downing my drink in one long swallow, I watched Quinn’s eyes as pain passed through them.
“Maybeyou should listen to him,” Patrick cut in as he walked Sarah back to the couch. “Sit down,” he directed me.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” It was impossible to explain, but simply hearing my brother’s voice, seeing his face, knowing he was in my home, it angered me like nothing else. Every single damn thing I ever ran away from was here, sitting on my couch, telling me what to do as ifhe was the one in control of my life. And I wantednoneof it. “Just get the fuck out. Now,” I demanded, pointing to the door just in case he forgot where to go. I no longer cared to hear why they were here. I just wanted them gone.
“Ryan,” Sarah cut in, her voice quiet and peaceful, just as it had always been. “Please. I know you’re upset that we just showed up, but this was my idea.” She walkedtoward me, standing where Quinn had just been. “He knows he has a lot of explaining to do,” she added, and she sounded so much like her mother there was no way for me not to listen to her.
“Why now?” My tone was cold, the words curt.
“Because I knew Quinn was here. We owed both of you apologies and I knew you’d never come home again. This was our one chance to explain everything in the hopesthat it would all make sense,” she explained, her eyes begging for understanding.
