They made very little effort back then to hide their hatred for anything blue collar. A teacher and a policeman, they wanted their children to grow into upright professionals, with smooth hands and clean faces. Ryan’s love for building was a passion they wanted to demolish. Overthe years, as I’d caught glimpses of the man he’d become through overheard conversations with Sarah and Patrick, I was more than happy to know he’d followed his heart and built his own construction company despite their disapproval.
If only he could have done the same thing where we were concerned.
Before saying anything else, I swallowed the rest of my drink, hoping it would give me the liquidcourage I needed to make it through the rest of this painful conversation. Thankfully, Sarah came to my rescue without me asking for it. “Quinn actually has his own custom shop. His waiting list is over three months long. He’s made quite the name for himself around here.”
That disdainful look they were giving me now, that was the look he ran away from, the one he needed to escape. It was likebeing burnt alive under the magnified rays of sun. They hated that I was gay, didn’t think it was natural. They hated that I worked with my hands. They knew I had my own shop. They knew I was a success. They simply hated it all just because I wasn’t straight. So this conversation, the pleasantries we played along with were nothing more than a game to keep the night moving smoothly.
I was aboutto say something to defend myself from their harsh glare, but then everything changed.
“I’m sure he has.” A deep voice spoke from behind me sending shivers through my body, reaching deep into my soul. Only one voice could ever do that.
Ryan.
The room stood still. The music stopped. The crowd disappeared.
And the disapproving looks of his parents faded into the background.
As I turned to facehim, the last twelve years came racing back to me, crashing into me as if it were a car being driven by a drunk. This man, tall, dark, and so incredibly handsome walked away from me all those years ago. No matter how many times I’d lied to myself in the years of his absence about not loving him it was just that, a lie.
In my silence, his parents took the opportunity to step around me and greettheir son. Though I overheard bits of the conversation—how his flight was, how nice it was to finally see him, how much they’d missed him—I felt so distantly removed from it all. It wasn’t until Sarah took my hand and literally pulled me back into the circle of her future in-laws that the room came back to life.
“Isn’t this great?” Sarah chirped. “I don’t think we’ve all been together since…well…” She stopped speaking when she realized what the end of that sentence would be.
“I’m here now,” Ryan answered, but I could tell his words were directed at me.
They cut me to the bone. Flayed and far too vulnerable to hear any more of the sinfully seductive voice of the man I once loved, I excused myself to take care of some imaginary task that somehow immediately demanded my attention.
The remnants of their mumbled conversation followed me out of the room and into the warm summer night.
My heart ached for the man who’d just reentered my life. My heart ached for the pain I’d felt all these years. My heart ached because even though I hated him, I knew I still loved him.
My heart ached because, without even having to turn around, I knew Ryan hadn’t followed me outside.
