“You wanted to see me, Dr. Cosentina.” I announced myself at the other side of the threshold of his office door. He was the chief of staff here at the hospital and in charge of pretty much everything. And he was damn good at it all, too. From the moment I started medical school, and doing my rotations through this hospital, I’d looked up to him, tried to emulate everything he is.
“Yes, yes,”he said, standing from the other side of his desk, scattering a stack of papers in the process. He was brilliant and an amazing doctor, but organization wasn’t always his strong point. “Come in, Doctor Carpenter. Come right in,” he repeated, holding out his hand for me to shake. Somewhere in his late fifties, time had been kind to him. He had a full head of thick, gray hair, and bushy eyebrowsof the same color. But his bright blue eyes almost looked like the sky at the beach on the clearest of days.
Handing him the papers he knocked off his desk, I sat in the chair facing his desk. He settled into his and shot me a serious look, all fluster of his usual exuberance gone as he looked down at a single sheet of paper on his ink blotter. “Is everything okay?” I asked, feeling very muchlike a kid being called into the principal’s office.
“Just splendid.” Smiling as he looked up from the piece of paper, he added, “And I think you’ll agree once you read this.”
He handed me the sheet of paper, adorned with hospital letterhead and a fancy signature on the bottom in his handwriting. As I read the first few lines, the rest of the words faded away. Only four words came into focus,making my heart race in my chest, anxiety rushing through my veins as if my blood was made of only adrenaline.
Doctor of the Year.
“There must be some kind of mistake,” I blurted, dropping the piece of paper into my lap. “This can’t be right.”
Dr. Cosentina laughed. “I assure you, my desk might look like someone ransacked it, but I don’t make mistakes. You’ve earned it, Noah. You should bevery proud.”
Every year the hospital had this elaborately formal ceremony to honor the doctors who stood out for one reason or another. Community service. Innovative research. Monetary donations. But this one, Doctor of the Year for Outstanding Patient Care, this was by far one of the most coveted awards. One of which I was certain I’d never be the recipient.
“I… uh… I am, it’s just. Wow, thisis a huge surprise,” I rambled, honestly shocked by the nomination. “But I’m so new. So young.” Why I felt the need to point out reasons why I shouldn’t receive the award was beyond stupid. Questioning my boss was not my usual thing, but as soon as my eyes settled on those words, I had one single, solitary thought.
I’ve made too many mistakes.Mistakes that cost people their lives.
But I couldn’tbring those up right now. Emotion clogged my throat thinking about all those mistakes, all those lives. Dr. Cosentina mistookthoseemotions for ones of happiness. “You’ve done good work, Noah. Now go call your family and tell them all about it. The ceremony is next weekend. I’m sure they’ll all want to be there.”
His words amplified my feelings of failure.
I had no family, no one who wouldbe proud of me, who could share the moment, who could be there for me as I spoke to the banquet hall, who could hold me steady in the face of the tidal wave of it all.
Once again, my mind went to a single place.
Chase.
Just at the thought of telling him, a smile pulled at my lips. Pushing down my own self-imposed shortcomings, I shook Dr. Cosentina’s hand and left his office. A quick look downat my watch told me that Chase was probably on his way to the gym after getting Benny out the door for school. On my way to get my second cup of coffee for the morning, I pulled out my phone and sent off a quick text to Chase.
Hey. Date tonight? I miss seeing you in my bed.
His response was instant, and I wondered if he had been staring at his phone willing me to contact him.
Yes.Sounds good. Have to tell you something.
Those were somewhat unsettling words, but I tried my best not to think too much about it.
Great. I’ll pick you up at seven.
Letting the sun shine on my face from the large windows stretched out along the cafeteria wall, I couldn’t help but feel like the tides of my life were changing.
And I opened my arms, willingly, at the waves.
Ten hours later, I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom. In dark-wash jeans and a pale blue, button-down dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up over my forearms, I felt oddly like a new man. Not wanting to make Chase feel out of place, I made reservations at a modest restaurant, nothing too over the top, but nothing all too casual.
The fact that I now thought about everything and howit would impact Chase didn’t strike me as odd at all. So much had changed in the last few months, and I was ecstatic about that change.
Now, my life was falling into place when only six months ago, I knew it was slipping through my fingers, like grains of sand on the white beaches. With a goofy smile on my face, I drove to Chase’s, beyond excited to tell him the news that just hours ago, I thoughtmust have been a mistake.
As I drove to his apartment complex, I blasted the music, letting the pulsating vibrations of the base rumble over my skin, through my bones, making me feel alive. By the time I arrived at his door, I was practically jumping out of my skin to see him.
My foot was on the first step and he was already stepping out of the door. “Hey, you,” I greeted, walking toward himwith arms wide open.
“Hey.” Though he hugged me back, it was lame at best. So was his voice. Weak and flat, he sounded like he was saying hello to his long lost Aunt Edna rather than the man he was going to fuck six ways to Sunday later tonight.
