The smile he offered told me he appreciated the offer, but instead of taking me up on it, he said, “Nah,” with a dismissive wave of the hand. “I think I could use the distraction.”
And just like that, he was gone, off into his own head to make sense of the bombshellI didn’t think I’d ever be able to defuse.
“What about Noah?” My voice shook. “What? How?” I didn’t know how to ask where he was, what he’d done, how he was involved. The words stuck in my throat, clogged behind the implications Wes’s answer had for our future together.
“He… he wasn’t there at all. I mean he was, but then he….”
“What?” I yelled, banging my fists on the table, demanding an answerI didn’t really want to hear.
“He blacked out,” Wes blurted. “We were given instructions on which room to go into, on what to do, but there was blood everywhere so much blood.” He was haunted by the images playing through his head, and I was glad to know they’d never be a part of my memory. “He doesn’t know they were your parents. He’s so ashamed of that night; he never wanted to know anythingabout them. So he never looked back at the files. It was too painful for him.” Whatever relief his words gave was taken away when he added, “Their death, and blacking out, missing out on being able to help, it made him feel like a failure. It’s why he throws himself into work like he does. He wants to save all of his patients because he couldn’t save them.”
“I don’t know what to say.” It waslame, but it was all I could think of.
Wes shook his head, saying, “Neither do I, man. Neither do I.”
“Can I ask you something?”
Unable to speak, Wes looked up and simply nodded.
“Why are you telling me all of this? I mean if Noah doesn’t know, why not tell him? It’s like you’re going behind his back—”
Holding up his hand, he stopped me in my tracks. “I am going behind his back and it’s notsomething I’m proud of, but Chase, believe me. I know that man inside and out and if he knew it first, he would think you were better off without him. He would take all the blame and make a martyr out of himself.” He paused after taking a deep breath. “I came to you because I knew you deserved to know and I was hoping you wouldn’t hate him for what happened. I already know how much he hates himselffor it.”
Not knowing what to do with his words, I sat there and nodded, letting the silence soak into my bones as if it would heal me somehow. When neither of us offered anything else, Wes stood from his chair and I followed suit.
And that was that. Wes left a few minutes later, giving me some space to process it all. But all the space in the vastness of this universe and the next wouldn’t beenough for me to figure it all out.
