Shrugging, I pulled my bag up over my shoulder saying, “I don’t give a fuck what you do anymore,” as I walked past him.
When I was no more than two steps beyond him, he said, “She’sbeen blackmailing me. I sleep with her and she won’t fire you.”
Shame washed over every inch of my body, but I simply didn’t have it in me to turn around and face my best friend. A minute later, when I walked past Stacey, who was sipping some pink drink from a martini glass, I said, “I quit,” and never looked back.
I had never been more thankful for a lazy Sundaymorning than I was when I woke up. My body ached and my head throbbed. My mind raced with confusion, trying to make sense of it all, well into the hours of the early morning. I sent Noah a text, letting him know I got home safely and that I would talk to him today when he got home from work. I was thankful for the space the day away from him would give me, because I knew the second he saw me, he’dknow something was up.
Avoiding Benny was another story entirely. The smell of freshly brewed coffee enticed me out of bed, and I was more than willing to talk to Benny if it meant I’d get some coffee. “Ran to the deli already?” Pulling a T-shirt over my head as I walked into the kitchen, I spoke through the thin fabric.
“Nope,” Benny dismissed, holding out a mug of steaming coffee for me. Steppingto the side, he revealed a brand new coffee pot, nestled into the corner of the counter. “We’re movin’ on up,” Benny sang, before taking a sip of his coffee.
“Where did you get that?” I asked, sounding as if he just revealed a wild animal to me rather than a coffee pot.
“Your boyfriend dropped it off last night.” He didn’t tell me he’d come here and the look on my face must have conveyed thatconfusion because without taking a pause, Benny continued, “I texted him to tell him I was home, safe and sound, and he asked if he could come by to drop something off, that he was hoping he could surprise you with something. Couldn’t argue with that logic.” He shrugged, casually dismissing the whole thing. Then he added, “But between you and me, I think he just wanted to make sure that I was actuallyhome. He even checked the rest of the house for friends who I may have hiding under the beds or something.”
I couldn’t stifle the laughter. Leave it to Noah, even after a shit night like the one I’d had, he knew how to make me smile. “You like him?” Benny asked, focusing on the bowl of cereal in front of him, pretending as if he wasn’t hanging on the edge of his chair for my answer.
“I do. Alot,” I answered. “Do you?” I asked, even though it was clear to see that Benny liked him.
He shrugged a non-committal response. “Sure. He seems nice.” Obviously downplaying his opinion, Benny kept his focus on his food rather than on me. But when he felt my stare, he lifted his head and laughed. “Okay, fine, yes,” he finally admitted. “I like him, a lot, too. He seems like a really nice guy.”
“But?” It was more of an empty question than anything else, because I could tell Benny was holding something back.
“Nothing,” he lied.
Trying for my best parent voice, I said, “Benny. Tell me the truth.”
He hesitated, stood from his chair and emptied his bowl of cereal to kill more time. When he sat back down, he did so with an exaggerated huff. “It’s just that… I mean… you’re gay.”
Feigningshock, I gasped and clutched for my imaginary pearls. “Oh dear lord!” I yelled out in a fake southern accent. “Why didn’t you tell me so?”
“Shut up, asshole.” He may have been upset, but he hadn’t lost his sense of humor. It was near impossible for him to hold back his laughter. But when his chuckling subsided, he wrapped his hands around his mug and slid it forward on the table a bit. Lettingout another deep exhale, he admitted, “It’s just a lot for me to take in. You know, like at the soccer game. Don’t get me wrong,” he explained, “I don’t ever want to play for a school that has people like that Dennis guy working for them, but when I thought you were straight, I never had to think about how people would treat you, and in turn treat me.”
Damn, this kid was far smarter and moreintuitive than I had ever been at his age. I wished that he could go back to a simpler time, a time when all he’d have to worry about was getting home from a party safely, not whether or not the man with whom I was sleeping would impact his future.
“I know you’re not asking me to, but if it makes it easier—”
He cut me off, waving his hand in front of his face. “Hell, no. You don’t need to stopseeing him. I’m just trying to talk it out. I like him. He clearly makes you happy. He’s easy to get along with. It’s just an adjustment, you know. I mean, you left for college when I was thirteen. Sex hadn’t even dawned on me yet.”
“I still came home a lot,” I defended lamely. We both knew that wasn’t the point, but the guilt pressed nonetheless.
“But you went from my older brother, this godwho I looked up to, and then you were gone, off growing up on your own and I was here by myself. And then you were back, but Mom and Dad were gone, and we both had to grow up in like two seconds flat.” He took a deep breath, his inhale shaky, vibrating with his building emotion. “And then you tell me you’re gay, and now I’m texting Noah in the middle of the night because you have to work and it’slike you’re my dad now, but you’re not.” And just as he tried to keep it all together, the dam broke, letting the flood of tears follow. “It’s just that now, with looking at colleges and graduating this year and living here….” His words faded, overwhelmed emotion choking his throat.
“Hey.” I tried to calm him. Pulling my chair right next to his, I draped my arm around his shoulders. This wasreally the first time he’d spoken to me about all this, and I hated the idea that it had stayed bottled up for so long. “Look, I know it’s a lot. And I know losing Mom and Dad was something we never thought we would have to face, but I’m not here to replace them. I could never do that.” As he picked his head up, his bloodshot eyes met mine, and my heart broke for the baby brother I still saw there.But he wasn’t a baby anymore, that much was certain. He was a young man, one I was extremely proud.
“I started talking to the school psychologist.” It was a quick, toss it out there kind of statement, one that I knew he was saying so I could understand his outburst a little more.
“Is it helping?”
He nodded, then took a sip of his coffee. It seemed to calm him, and after another deep exhale,he said, “Yeah, a lot. And there’s something else.”
“What? You can tell me anything.” I was just so happy he was opening up to me that shy of telling me he robbed a bank, I’d be pretty damn happy.
“I have a girlfriend,” he admitted, his voice timid and almost wavering.
“That’s awesome. What’s her name? How long have you been seeing her?”
“You’re happy?” Confusion colored his words and twistedhis face. “I figured—”
