“Well, stop figuring. I meant what I said.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the bed. Sitting next to me, he tucked one leg under the other and held my hands in his lap. “I know on the surface, none of it makes sense. Us,” he said,motioning between us, “we’re totally opposite—”
Now it was my turn to cut him off. “No shit.” My words, laced heavily with sarcasm, came out far harsher than I had intended. “Why do you think I acted the way I did before?” He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t even let him get the words out. “I know you can do better. I’m nothing. And you’re… well, you’re…. Look at this place. Lookat your car. Look at your damn life. And then there’s me.”
“Yeah, then there’s you. And you’re part of my life. I’m not saying it’s the most conventional of relationships.” He smiled, waiting to see how I’d react to the word, and while it should have made me anxious, it didn’t affect me at all. We were most definitely in a relationship, and now we simply had to work this shit out. “So you’reokay with that then?”
“Of course,” I admitted, letting out a deep exhale. “It’s just weird talking about it, I guess. This is all new for me.”
“It’s new for me, too.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “What about—”
“Rob?”
I nodded. “I know you hate talking about him. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No, it’s fine really. I’ve actually been thinking about him lately.” His admission hurt, and it shockedthe hell out of me.
Confused, I asked, “Really?” letting the annoyance sit there like a third person in the room.
“Not like that,” Noah said, leaning in to cup my jaw before he pressed his lips to mine. “Just hear me out.” He rested his forehead against mine, and I nodded slightly, letting him know he could finish his thoughts without my stupidity getting in the way. “With Rob, I ignored mygut at every turn. When he suggested we move in together, there was something deep down telling me that it was wrong. There was something that just didn’t sit well with me, but because my parents had just disowned me because I told them I was gay, I went for it. Even though I may not have admitted it then, I knew that I was moving in with Rob as a way to tell my parents to fuck off. No relationshipshould ever be built on that foundation.”
“Noah,” I spoke softly, feeling his pain, taking it on as mine. I knew what it was like to lose your parents. But knowing that his were alive and that theychosenot to be a part of his life, that was almost more unbearable than losing them for no reason at all.
“Even before I caught him cheating, I knew something was wrong. But I made every damn excusein the book to try and explain it all away. He was busy lying to me, and I lied to myself every single day. I lied to myself into loving him, into this house, into the life I thought we’d have, and at the end of the day, none of it mattered to me nearly as much as you do.” He wound his fingers around mine and took a deep breath. “I know we’ve only known each other a few months, but there’s a reasonfor this. There’s a reason we happened. I can feel it. When my gut told me to run away from Rob, I ignored it, but now with you, every single bone in my body is telling me that this is right. It might not make sense, but I’m not ignoring my instinct anymore.”
“Even if you’re ashamed of me?” The words had been brewing in my head since the first time we had sex. Even when I thought I’d never seehim again, I couldn’t shake the idea that it was for the best because there was no way a man like Noah would ever want to be seen with me.
“What the hell makes you think I’d ever be ashamed of you?”
“I’m nothing,” I scoffed, letting my frustration bubble to the surface.
“You are the exact opposite of nothing.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I had no idea how he saw it like that, but beforeI could ask him to explain, he did so anyway.
“You are selfless, giving up on your college dreams so your brother wouldn’t have to miss out on his. You became an adult overnight, taking charge of where you would live and how you would pay for it when you lost your parents’ house. Chase—” He paused, shaking my hands and squeezing them to amplify whatever point he was about to make. “I am amazedby you and only wish I could be half as strong as you are.”
I didn’t know what to make of it all, but I knew he was telling me the truth. He saw strength in me when all I saw was weakness, success when all I saw was failure. And if that wasn’t a good enough reason to lean in and kiss the life out of him, then I didn’t know what would be. “Thank you,” I said, resting my forehead against his. “I’lltry to be better about it all. I promise.”
“That’s all I can ever ask for.” He kissed me again before adding, “Well, that and you. You’re all I can ever ask for.”
