“Jude,” I croaked. My throat was tight, a ball of emotion making it difficult to speak normally. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Huh?” He was distracted but somehow managed to pull his eyes away from the nothing on which they were focused. “What do you mean?”
I laughed. “Seriously?” Flattening the plastic bottle between my hands, I took stock of everything he’d just said, of everything I’d been feeling. Of who I knew I was deep down and the role Jude played in helping me come to terms with it all. Even if he didn’t know it, I had him to thank for helping me understand that everyone deserves a chance at being happy. So on a deep breath, I cut to the chase. “You just sounded like you were reading my eulogy. And you look like someone just shot your puppy. So while I appreciate everything you just said about me, what gives?”
“You don’t get it, do you?” He shot up from his spot next to me. Lifting his arms over his head, he reached up to the sky. When he turned toward me, pain knotted his brows together. “You’re leaving. It may not be to the army, but we graduate in two weeks, and then you’ll be gone.”
He didn’t need to say how lonely he’d be. It was written there on his face. It was diminishing the bright blue in his eyes. It was weighing down his broad shoulders, making them sag under the heaviness of what his life would become soon.
He’d be nothing more than the son of the town drunk. He’d be the quiet kid in the back of his college classroom, too shy to meet new friends because the old ones he’d had turned their backs on him a long time ago.
I hadn’t seen this coming when I told him about my father last week. And he sure as hell didn’t act like it bothered him one bit. But now, I realize he was just saving face.
But there was something else he didn’t know.
Something I’d chosen to keep to myself until the perfect moment, only I didn’t know that moment would be now. “But I won’t be gone.”
“Like fuck you won’t. You said it already—”
Unable to watch the pain twist his face any longer, I cut him off. “I’m going to G.C.C.” The look on his face told me he didn’t believe me, and up until two seconds ago, he had no reason to do so.
“What the?” The anger and despair vanished immediately, replaced by hope.
I wanted to tackle him to the ground, wrap my arms around him, and kiss the fucking life out of him. I wanted to tell him that I’d wanted him for so fucking long, to divulge my darkest secret ever to his ears. I wanted him to tell me he felt the same.
But I feared . . . everything.
So, for now, I’d have to settle for telling him I was going to the same community college he was.
“Yeah, I started my applications so late, I couldn’t get in anywhere.” My gut twisted as the lie so easily fell from my mouth. “So Galveston Community College here I come,” I joked, watching the happiness spread across his face, lightening the darkness that was in his eyes just seconds ago.
“Get the fuck out of here.” Jude covered his face with both of his hands, and I wanted to peel them away so I could see his eyes, read his face. Two seconds away from doing just that, he dropped them and stepped toward me. A seriousness I hadn’t seen coming washed over him.
Then the world stood still.
I watched as everything moved in slow motion. Jude’s strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me close. This was most definitely not a “bro-hug”—a light embrace, punctuated by three or four hard slaps on the back, followed by some ridiculous fist bump, or handshake of some kind.
This was everything I hoped it would have been.
His heat mingled with mine and my body instantly reacted to his being so close. I failed miserably at willing my erection away. And I was so focused on my own body, I nearly missed what his was doing.
He was hard.
Shock washed over me. What the fuck did this mean? My brain raced with it all. Touching him and his reaction to touching me sent me into overdrive.
But before I could say or do anything, Jude slowly pulled away.
The steadythud thud thudof a group of joggers making their way past me broke through my memories. That day has always been etched in my memory as one of the most significant days of my life.
Not for what Jude told me.
Not for what I felt for him.
But for everything that happened after that.
And for how my life was changed forever because of it.
One thing was certain, I wasn’t going to waste my chance this time. Things certainly weren’t worked out with Delilah, but she knew I was safe, and I could breathe a little easier knowing I did the right thing and talked to her.
The eighteen-year-old version of myself rang in my ears, pushed me on, telling me I had to take this chance.
I had to go after Jude once and for all.
I had to take back everything that was mine all those years ago.
