“Okay?” That was all she had to say? That couldn’t be it? I’d prepared myself for a screaming match, for her to hurl words at me like daggers aimed for my heart.
“Okay,” she repeated after another deep breath.
“Delil—”
Cutting me off, she blurted, “I should go.”
“What about Simon?”
She huffed. “If he was so important to you, wouldn’t you have thought to ask that questionbeforeyou left?” Her voice, full of venom, was harsh and low as if she was grinding out her words from behind tightly clenched teeth. “I have to go.”
“But . . .”But what, you asshole?I didn’t know what else to say. Fuck if there was anything left to be said. Choking back whatever words I tried to muster, I let out a strangled sigh. “I’m sorry.” I felt withered, deflated.
“Me, too.” Her anger dissipated, leaving behind a hollow, empty version of the woman I knew her to be.
Before I could say anything else, the line went dead. Knowing she wouldn’t pick it up, I didn’t bother to call her back. She needed some space, and so did I. Besides, I wouldn’t know what else to say if I did call her back. The truth was out there, and nothing could change that.
Just moments ago, my life had been split into two parts: before I came out and after. Now all I had to do was face theafter.
My legs twitched with the need to move. Despite the heat, I walked down the trail. The trees provided enough shade to make the sun bearable. Walking past a small clearing, a memory pummeled into me, making my head spin.
“Let’s stop here,” Jude suggested, tipping his head toward a huge tree standing in the center of nothing.
We’d been running for hours, and my legs felt like rubber bands. It was becoming impossible to keep up with Jude lately. Eight months after we’d started this program together and Jude was at his goal weight. And he looked damn good. Jogging behind him, I appreciated the view of his thick legs pushing his lean body forward.
He dropped his bag to the ground after pulling out a bottle of water. When he handed it to me after chugging down half of it, my fingers grazed his. What I’m sure he thought was an innocent brush against his skin set mine on fire. As I wrapped my lips around the bottle that had just been pressed against his mouth, I fantasized about my lips pressing up against his, about my tongue diving into the wet heat of his mouth.
About his mouth . . .
Fucking hell. My fantasies were becoming more and more vivid, and insanely erotic. I was hard in seconds, and the thin material of my gym shorts did nothing to hide my erection.
“Can you?” Jude asked, cutting through my visions of him naked. He stared at me, waiting for my answer, but I hadn’t heard what he asked. “Well?” he prodded.
“Can I what?” I muttered, obviously confused by whatever the hell he was asking.
Our fingers touched again as he grabbed the bottle of water from my hand. With his lips touching the bottle, he laughed. Shaking his head at me, he took a long pull, finishing the last of the water. As he spoke, I tried to pull my eyes away from the thick column of his neck, moving as he swallowed the water. “Your dad, you ass. Can you believe he changed his mind? I don’t know what you drugged him with, but it was some pretty good shit.”
In the midst of my distraction, I’d almost forgotten about that. “Don’t you think if I had something that good, I would have kept it for myself?” I joked, hoping he wouldn’t notice the need in my voice.
Jude shrugged before opening his bag to get more water. “Nah. You don’t strike me as the druggie type.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” He was right. I’d never once been interested in the stuff. Real life was always more interesting when your head was on straight, but I was on the edge of my seat to find out why he thought it wasn’t my thing.
Learning who he thought I was made me see myself differently.
“There’s just something real about you,” he went on, untwisting the cap for the water. “Look at all those times you stood up for me. Hell, even on your first day here. You had no clue I was this awesome.” His lips lifted into a lopsided smile as he pulled a ridiculous face at me. Chuckling at his joke, he continued, “But seriously, you were good to me without even knowing me. You didn’t take their shit. And come to think of it, you don’t take anyone’s shit. Well, except your father’s, but that’s mostly because youhadto.” He handed me the water, his eye focused on something off in the distance. “You’re the only person who’s ever been nice to me, who’s ever taken the time to get to know who I really am. You didn’t care about me being the fat loser with the drunk father and no friends. You saw past all that.” His voice changed, softened, and suddenly he was no longer talking about the likelihood of me taking drugs. This was something else entirely.
Taking the bottle from his hand, I tried to find something to say, but he beat me to the punch. “You never once quit on me, even when I felt like quitting on myself. You stood up for me when I couldn’t do it on my own. Shit, you even dropped your physics class so you could switch into my gym class and protect me from Leon and the other kids.” There was anger in his voice, vibrating all around him. And it was most definitely understandable.
Daily those kids taunted him. They demeaned and bullied him. He always made light of the accidental elbow jabs that were anything but accidents when he was walking down the hall. The hateful notes taped to his locker were torn up and tossed away before too many people could see, and he always kept his head held high. I heard the stories from when they were at their worst, throwing food at him across the cafeteria or “accidentally” spilling something on him as they walked past. In just a few short years, Jude had been dealt a mountain of hatred.
And in just a few short months, I’d shown him that they were wrong. That he was a decent human, no matter how much he weighed. Whether he changed his physical appearance or not, he had worth.
We were far from talking about drugs when he brought the conversation back to that topic. “So I know you would never take something to pull yourself away from the reality you helped me change.” He turned toward me, his eyes shining with something passionate and alive. “And now you’ll finally get the future you want. Not the one your father wants.”
My brain went haywire with everything he’d just said, with his nearness, his honesty. With everything that made him who he was.
My heart raced in my chest with everything he thought of me, of the person he saw, of the kindness he probably never would’ve experienced had I not come along.
