Professional as ever, Dr. Trivedi says, “Yes, you are all clear for sexual activity. Just be sure to call me if you experience any cramping or bleeding.” She gives me a few more reminders about vitamins and drinking plenty of water. When she says that my morning sickness should start to fade away in the next few weeks, she becomes my new favorite person. I can’t wait not to feel sick anymore.
As we exit the doctor’s office, we feel lighter, less weighed down, more hopeful, and, yes, perhaps just a little horny.
It’s barely two in the afternoon so we go grab a bite to eat. Getting into the car after lunch, I assume that we’ll just head home for the evening and relax – among other things. But when Reid looks over at me with a shit-eating grin plastered to his face, telling me that he’s got a surprise for me, I know that home is the last place we’re going.
Pulling into what looks like an apartment complex, my stomach drops and my heart races. It’s clean and modern. While the landscaping is sparse for the winter, it’s still clear that the place is well maintained. Each building is painted a different color making it look more like houses lining a suburban street than an apartment building.
With wide eyes, I turn to Reid. “Did you…” I can’t even form the words.
He looks surprised that I’m, well, that I’m surprised. “No, I haven’t done anything. When we talked about it the other night, I wasn’t thinking clearly when I got pissed that you wouldn’t move in with me in Ithaca. But I…just thought…” Exasperation tinges his words as he rubs his hand over his face. Sighing, he recollects the argument we had just two nights ago about me moving in with him.
Staring out the front windshield, it’s clear that he’s avoiding eye contact with me. The more than likely culprit, he’s hurt that I didn’t react to this “surprise” the way he wanted me to.
I slide closer to him and, reaching up to his lightly stubbled cheek, I turn his face towards mine. “What did you think?” My eyes are pleading with him to talk.
“I know you don’t want to be that far away from Momma, especially when the baby comes.” I love that his eyes drift down to my belly when he says “baby.” Reid then twists his body towards me so that he’s no longer blankly staring out into the parking lot. “I know it was selfish of me to think you could just up and quit your job too. I just want you with me and it’s killing me that it can’t happen the way I want it to.” His voice cracks and falters at the sad, frustrating circumstances we’re facing.
He pulls my hands into his and rubs his thumbs over my knuckles. “Maddy, I’m so sorry for blowing up at you for withdrawing from school. You’re right, though. Waddling around campus isn’t ideal. I finally got that through my thick skull.” I have to laugh as he mirrors my words from the other night. I might have called him an ass too, but I guess he felt the need to leave that out.
Genuine honesty is reflected in his deep blue eyes as his gaze meets mine. “I just thought we could take a look and well,” he pauses to take a deep breath, “if you like it, and we think it’ll work, I would like for us to move in together.” He sounds so sweet and sincere, a far cry from the sexy and flirty Reid who was playing around with my co-workers earlier in the day, from the angry and pissed off overly-possessive boyfriend who knocked out Jay a week ago. In this moment, he seems like a lost little boy, searching for acceptance and approval. I’ve always found it so hard to believe that he’s changed so easily, but sitting here watching him struggle with my reaction, witnessing him become anxious waiting for my response, I know that his change has not been easy. He’s working very hard to make us work. And I love him so much for it.
I bite back my skepticism because the truth is – I want to live with him. I want to have my own home, with my own family.
Cheerily, I bounce out of the car and he follows alongside me. We meet up in front of the Jeep and he pulls me into a tight embrace. “I know it’s not much, but let’s just take a look. We’ve got some time, but I saw this in the paper and thought we could check it out.” He looks like he’s struggling with something, searching for some kind of explanation, but before I can ask him what’s wrong, he starts talking again. “I need you to know something, though, before we go in there.”
“Okay. You can tell me anything; you know that.” I smile brightly at him and pull my winter coat around my chest. “But tell me quickly because it’s freaking cold out here.”
“I gave my mom and Joe some money. To help with the medical bills and all. I still have a decent amount in savings. I didn’t want to give them everything with the baby coming, but I just felt like you needed to know that. Because if I could, Maddy, if I could, I would buy you the biggest, fanciest, most expensive house out there. There’s no one who deserves it more than you.” He shakes his head as if he’s trying to rid his brain of his tormented thoughts. It’s an action I’m all too familiar with where he’s concerned. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. My mom, I mean.”
“Baby, you can talk to me about her. I promise that I’m here to listen to you.” My eyes are pleading with him to open up to me.
He sighs and wraps his arms around me tightly. “I want to go back and see her again. I was thinking we could go there after Christmas. I’d like for you to meet her. I…I feel bad for leaving the way I did last week, and then all of that scary shit happened with you and the baby and I couldn’t deal with both at the same time. I’m so screwed up over it all. On one hand, I want to be pissed and I want to just walk away, but then on the other, I just want to move on. She’s really sorry and that’s what’s making it so difficult to just walk away. I know it’s not enough, but I guess giving her and Joe some money was a small gesture to try and rid myself of some of the guilt.”
Holding his gaze, I say, “I think you need to follow your heart where your mom is concerned. Sometimes, you have to make a difficult choice, one that’s not clear and that you’re not sure about how it’ll play out. But Reid, I know that you will follow your heart with your mom. If you didn’t want to forgive her, and move on, then you wouldn’t have given her the money to help. It’s okay to love her, especially now that you know her side of the story. She’s your mom. It’s kind of an unwritten rule that you can’t un-love her.” His goofy grin lets me know that I’m making some kind of sense.
I cup his stubbly cheek in my hand and get lost in his ocean-blue eyes for a moment. How on Earth did I get so lucky? “And about the money, you know that has never been important to me. Reid, I don’t need money. I don’t need a huge, elaborate house.” I kiss him innocently on his soft, heavenly lips. “All I need is you. Wherever you are is where my home is. And this,” I glance over my shoulder at the complex behind us, “this place looks like the perfect place to call home.” When I turn back to face him, he’s smiling brightly and he nods at me.
“It will definitely be the perfect place to live. And I promise you, one day, I will buy you the house you deserve.” He kisses my cheek once more and rubs his hands over my arms.
Entwining our fingers together, we walk to the rental office where we meet the manager who shows us to the available apartment.
Stepping through the door, I fall in love instantly. The hardwood floors are clean, and even though they are scratched here and there, they feel warm and cozy. It feels lived in and brand-new at the same time. There’s a large window in the front wall that allows the sunlight to illuminate the place. The walls are painted a creamy tan color – neutral and light. The floor plan is open – well as open as a two bedroom apartment can be.
The kitchen is updated with new stainless steel appliances. The dark countertop is the perfect balance for the cream-colored cabinets. This kitchen makes me want to learn how to cook more than mac and cheese.
We tour the rest of the apartment and everything is perfect. It’s not big by any stretch of the imagination, but rather than feeling cramped, it’s cozy and warm. When we stop in what will be the baby’s room, I catch a glimpse of Reid sitting in a rocking chair in the corner holding our baby and my heart swells with joy and love.
As Sam, the complex manager escorts us out of the apartment, he shakes Reid’s hand and Reid tells him that we’ll be in touch.
Back in the Jeep, Reid looks over at me expectantly. “So?” he asks, obviously nervous of my reaction to his grand plan.
I sigh. Not because I’m unhappy, but because it’s all just so overwhelming. “I loved it. I could really see us living there. But…” I let my words trail off. I can’t shake this feeling that if I tell him how much I don’t want to spend the next few months away from him, we’ll end up in the same kind of fight that we were in over his mother.
Momma was right; this relationship stuff is no joke.
“But, what, Maddy?” Reid’s deep voice brings me back to the present and his blue eyes are searching my face for some clue as to what’s going on in my head.
I take a deep breath, hoping that it will give me some kind of courage to get my worries off my chest. “Okay, here goes. The thing is, I just…I know it’s going to be hard to be away from you. And I love the apartment, but I hate knowing that, no matter where I live, it will be without you for a few months.” He reaches for my hand and I avert contact with his blazing sapphire eyes. Letting out a controlled breath past the lump that’s formed in my throat, I finish my piece. “My head understands how important your internship is to you. You had that in place long before you even met me. But my heart…my heart hurts knowing that we have to be apart.”
