Now, she could think of nothing else.
‘Here,’ Muireall said, handing her a mug and waiting for her to sip the watered ale. It was about the only thing that did not make her sick. ‘Sit.’ It mattered not to her friend that they were not in Muireall’s house, for she took command when she felt the need. Like now.
Catriona did as she was told, but then she burst into tears. Tears she could not stop or explain. Those came often these last weeks. Muireall’s arm draped on her shoulders and her friend gathered her close.
‘Hush now, Cat,’ she whispered. ‘All will be well.’
‘What will Aidan say?’ Cat said.
Never thinking she would ever bear a man’s child, she wondered if Aidan would think she’d lied to trap him into this situation. Would he believe her? Would he want to acknowledge the child?
‘Do you still plan to leave Lairig Dubh? Or will you tell him?’
Cat sighed and sat back. Ciara had asked the same question of her, but that was before she knew the truth. After the shock of it, came the thoughts about a future together that could not be. He would marry elsewhere and, even if his child was seen to, it guaranteed no place for her. And in her heart, she knew she could not stand by and watch him marry another.
‘Leaving would be the simplest thing,’ she admitted. ‘But I think he deserves to know. I ask him for nothing more than that.’
‘He will never let you leave if he knows,’ Muireall said. ‘You know that, do you not?’
‘He asked me to stay as his leman and to move with him to Ord Dubh.’ She’d not shared that with her friend—or with anyone—since he’d told her. ‘He says married or not, he wants me by his side.’
‘And what did you say to that?’
‘I will be no man’s whore and will not share the bed of a man married to another woman.’
‘And has that changed? Have you changed your mind on such matters since learning that you carry his bairn?’
That was the heart of the matter, was it not? Could she continue to love him if he chose another woman? Oh, it was the custom and no one would think anything was awry when the heir of the most powerful man in the Highlands took a leman. Especially if she’d borne his child. But, after living with the shame and humiliation of failing her own husband, she really could not do that to another.
Muireall let out a sigh then and sat down, drinking her ale and pondering the matter. If her wise friend had not advice to give, she had no other place to turn.
‘You love him, do you not?’ Cat nodded. ‘And he has declared his love for you...’
’Twas not so much a question as a statement, for Aidan had made it clear how he felt about her to one and all. He’d declared his love in his actions and his words before his people and in the privacy of the home he gave her.
‘So, share with him this wonderful news and talk about the choices you have. If you wish to live somewhere else, he can still support the child and you. You must work this out between you.’
Catriona knew she must talk with him. Standing, Muireall stopped her from leaving with a hand to her arm.
‘You should think about seeing the midwife soon. If you had problems before...’
She did not have to finish the words, for it was something that already filled Catriona’s dreams with terrible images. She might not carry long enough. There could be problems with the bairn. It might not live past delivery.
‘Gunna is a kind soul and very experienced in matters like this. Fear not to speak to her, ask her advice. She has saved many women and bairns over the years.’
‘I will do that,’ she promised.
First, though, she would share the news with Aidan.
She began to walk back to the house and realised she was already much closer to the midwife’s house, so she turned around and decided to seek the woman’s counsel. She would rather be able to give Aidan more knowledge about her condition and her chances of delivering the bairn safely when they spoke.
‘Mistress MacKenzie!’
Before she could turn, a small, hard body ploughed into her, nearly knocking her over. She grabbed him and held him up and realised it was Alasdair.
‘Alasdair,’ she said, with a laugh. ‘You must have a care when running through the village. You could knock someone down.’
‘Lord Aidan...’ he said, pointing towards the main road. Was Aidan on his way here now? She did not think to see him until nightfall when his duties finished with his family at supper.
