“I cannot feed him. He will not nurse and he grows angrier by the minute. And I grow more and more full.”
“Do ye have wine here?” She nodded and pointed at the jug of it on the table. Robert reached into his sporran and took out a small bundle. “Put a pinch of these in the wine and drink it. Ada said ye may need something to soothe yer nerves and release yer milk.”
She looked at him in honest admiration. What kind of man would care about these things? Most men would simply demand that she turn the babe over to a wet nurse and bind herself until the milk was gone. And yet he had carried herbs with him that would calm her raging emotions and allow her to nurse more easily. Once more she felt in his debt.
She took the packet from him and added the herbs in as he directed; their aroma was savory and they added to the wine’s sweetness as she sipped it. He watched her as she drank and although she wanted to shout her questions at him, she waited for him to tell her. He carried Craig around as though he belonged there and he motioned for her to get into bed. Once she leaned up against the headboard he came closer and leaned down to hand her the babe.
He smelled of outdoors and of horse and of that smell that belonged only to men. And he took care of her and her son before seeing to his own needs. Anice knew in that moment that no matter what else happened she would be grateful to him until the day she died. He looked up at that moment and caught her gaze. Then she looked at his mouth and wanted to feel his lips on hers. Anice saw him staring at her mouth and knew that although he wanted the same thing, he would not move first. So she tilted her face to his and pressed her mouth to his.
It lasted a few seconds, for Craig screamed out his frustration and startled them both. Smiling, Robert placed the babe in her arms and stepped away. She tugged a blanket over her shoulder and tried once more to feed her son. He turned to and fro, searching for her nipple, but he was not able to latchon due to the fullness of it. Anice reached in and massaged the nipple, expressing enough milk to soften it for Craig’s mouth. He finally took hold and Anice found that she could relax and let the milk flow on its own.
Glancing up, she saw an expression of pain on Robert’s face. Pain and something else. She could not understand it and when he looked quickly away, she wondered if she had truly seen it at all.
“I spoke to Struan and we will stay here at Dunnedin.”
“What? Here? He gave his permission?” She tried to remain calm, for now that he’d started nursing, she did not want the babe to stop.
“He haes accepted our marriage.” His voice carried no tone to tell her how he had accomplished this.
“And?”
“And what, Anice?” he asked. “Ye and yer son will remain together and we will remain wedded.”
“How did you accomplish this? It looked so hopeless when I left the hall.”
He paced in front of the hearth before he spoke. “I told ye that I would handle things with Struan and yer faither and I have. Let it go at that.”
Anice wanted to ask more questions—she had thought of dozens while waiting for his return. However, the expression he now wore warned her off. She nodded and turned her attention to her son, now suckling vigorously at her breast.
“I would have unpacked your trunks, Robert, did I know the outcome of your talks with Struan. I will see to them as soon as I finish with Craig.”
“There is plenty of time for that, Anice. I need no more than the clothes on my back today.”
“How will we do this, Robert? I think you will tire of sleeping on the floor every night.”
He looked at her as though he wanted to say something and then stopped himself. Shaking his head, he smiled at her.
“Duncan sent along one of those carpets ye admired so much, Anice. Laying it over the rushes will be plenty of cushioning for me.”
She wanted to offer to share the bed with him; it was onthe tip of her tongue and she could feel the words forming in her mouth. A ripple of fear passed through her and she stopped. Even though she honestly wanted to, she knew that it would be impossible for her to invite him to her bed. The very thought of him lying beside her during the night, even if for nothing other than sleep, left her terrified.
“’Tis just not right, Robert. I do not know how to make it right, but I can feel the unfairness of this bargain we’ve made between us.”
“Anice,” he whispered. “We must take this one day at a time and all will be well.”
Craig chose that moment to let go and gurgle his pleasure out to her. She looked down and laughed with him and when she looked up, Robert was gone. She lifted her son to her shoulder and rubbed his back as he cooed to the empty room. Anice did not know how to be a wife to Robert. She only knew that she would try everything within her power to take care of him and make him happy with their bargain.
The knockon her door surprised her when it came. She had already seen to organizing Robert’s trunks in the room and had another chair moved into the chamber. Rearranging the furniture and changing the rushes made all the difference within the room and now there was space for Robert’s makeshift bed to be placed by the hearth. Anice had eaten her meal there since she had not the strength or the composure to face the clan this evening in the hall. Tugging open the door, she found Moira and Pol standing in the corridor.
“Come,” she said, inviting them in.
“I will wait for ye out here, Moira,” Pol said in his deep voice.
“I will join ye in the hall when I am done here,” Moira answered. “There is no need to wait by the door.”
Anice could have sworn that Pol growled in reply. Moira looked at him and his expression did not change. With her hand on the door, Moira smiled at her husband.
“Verra well then. I will no’ be long.”
