He stood at her words and wiped his hands on the napkin holding the food. “Come then, let’s step outside and speak.”
She looked over at her son and then back at him.
“We will stay close enough to hear him if he haes need of ye.”
Robert opened the door and Anice followed him through.The night sky was clear and the half moon shed its beams over the forest. A light breeze added a chill to the air and Anice gathered her shawl closer around her shoulders. He walked a few paces away from the cottage and stopped near the path. She held her breath and waited for his words.
“I spoke with the MacKillop and he haes given me until tomorrow to ‘find’ ye.”
“Find me? But I am right here.”
“I couldna lie to him, Anice. He told me that Struan’s messengers had reached him and that Struan believes ye are with me.”
“Why?”
He blew out an exasperated breath at her. “Who else left Dunnedin at about the same time as ye? Are ye daft? Ye never go to the shielings in the summer, so he kenned to look for ye with me.”
“Oh.”
She could say no more than that. She had never left Dunnedin since she arrived there at age twelve. She had explored the boundaries of keep and village, but never out to the summer shielings where the clan took the cattle for summer grazing. The shielings were primitive cottages, not unlike this one. She preferred having some comforts about her and those were found in the keep.
“I understand ye didna think about yer actions when ye left.” She nodded and he continued. “There may be a way to avoid this marriage to Angus MacLaren and keep yer babe.” He paused and the tension grew as she waited for his pronouncement. “Ye must marry someone else who will agree to stay at Dunnedin.”
Her body quaked at the thought of wedding any man. And there was no one suitable for her to marry within the MacKendimens, no one of rank or title suitable for the daughter of an earl and mother of one who would inherit such a title at becoming laird. If one had been available, her father would have pursued that match to keep his alliance with Struan a strong one, rather than looking elsewhere. Angus’s father, the current MacLaren, stood high in the respect of the community of the realm that guarded Scotland’s interests while KingDavid was still a hostage, but he ranked as an earl as well. It was a good match if a marriage of equals was being sought.
“Even if I could make myself submit to a husband again, and I am not certain I could, there is no one suitable for me, Robert. Surely you see that?”
“Marry me, Anice.”
The world stopped at that moment. Everything around her went silent and then her ears filled with a buzzing sound that grew louder and louder until she could hear nothing else. Robert wore a grim expression on his face now, probably insulted by her reaction or lack of it. Marry him? The son of the steward? How could she? And even if she could, how would it work? The noise subsided in her ears and she knew she must answer him.
“How, Robert? Struan would never...”
“I will deal with the laird, Anice. Leave that to me.”
“And my father? Who will deal with him?” She twisted her hands together and turned away. Her father would not stand for this. Even if they could find a priest who would marry them without her father’s permission, he could seek to have her marriage annulled.
“Again, I will see to him as well. I can handle all of this, but only if ye will have me to husband. Will ye?”
His voice had softened on those last words—they sounded like a plea rather than his earlier statement. If she brushed aside all her concerns, the minor and major ones that came to mind immediately, it still came down to the question of whether she could put herself under a husband’s control. Robert was asking her to do that of her own will; her father and Struan would force her to it, will-her or nill-her. Even as the terror inside fought its way out, she knew that all men were not the same. If she had believed they were, she could never have left the security of Dunnedin to seek Robert out on the road for help.
He was different. He was safe. Could she accept him as husband and submit to him in all things? All things? She grimaced as she faced him and, from his reaction, she knew he’d seen her look.
“I am not certain that I can yield all of me to a husband, Robert, even if that husband is you.”
There, she’d said it. He needed to understand that she could not be a wife to him in the true sense of the word, for she could never willingly submit to the physical attentions of another man. If she married, her husband would have to take his marital rights without her consent or cooperation. She shuddered at the very thought of lying with a man in that way.
He approached her and put his hands on her shoulders. Months before, she could not have tolerated such an action, but now it simply sent chills through her. His face was in the shadows now so she could not tell his mood or his reaction to her words. They were a challenge of sorts, since no wife could deny her husband anything he wanted. Both God’s laws and the clan’s upheld a man’s right to everything a woman brought to the marriage—her body was included along with any property or gold she brought and any children she produced.
“I am no’ the monster yer husband was, Anice,” he whispered. “I would no’ take that which ye canna give freely to me.”
“You say that now, Robert, but once the deed is done...” Once the vows were taken, he could do as he willed.
“Ye came to me because ye trusted me. Ye brought yer son to me because of that trust. I am telling ye that ye can accept my word now. Once married, I will no’ force myself on ye. Other than a few kisses, ye will no’ bear the brunt of my attentions.” He let go of her and stepped back.
“Kisses?” She swallowed deeply at the thought of his kisses. She remembered the one between him and Robena that she had witnessed his first day in Dunnedin. How would it feel to have his lips on hers? Could she stand it? She raised her fingers to her lips trying to imagine it.
“For appearance’s sake, Anice. We must look married for this to work. If Struan and yer father suspected otherwise, they could press for an annulment.”
