“Oh, Rob. Ye could no’ harm yer own brother, even for me.”
Now he did stiffen, nothing could have prevented it. She knew?
“Aye, I ken that ye are Struan’s son by Dougal’s wife. I kenned that the night ye left Dunnedin. And ye would no’ be able to hurt Sandy if he were alive now. Ye are too honorable.”
“I dinna feel honorable right now,” he confessed. He knew his time was ending here and it would soon be time to go. Mayhap she would go with him back to Dunbarton. Could heoffer her marriage? He was not certain of that, but he knew they could live together comfortably.
“Will ye come back with me to Dunbarton when I go? We can wed there....” His words drifted off; he was not sure of what to say.
She pulled from his embrace and sat up next to him. “I dinna hold ye responsible for what yer brother and his friends did to me. Ye ken we canna marry.”
“Why no? Struan doesna want me here and, unless he acknowledges me as his son, I have no place in the clan. Listen, Robena, I canna promise to love ye, but I would marry ye and care for ye.”
“And I canna marry ye if ye dinna love me.” She smiled a terribly sad smile and touched his cheek with the back of her hand. “I would want it all with ye, Rob. Or nothing. And ye canna offer me yer love when ye stand ready to give it to someone else.”
He would have objected, but she covered his lips with her own. When she drew back from the kiss, she turned and lay close to him once more, tucking the plaid around them. What could he say? She was correct—his love was for someone else. Someone who would never know of it.
When the night was quiet around them again, she whispered something to him.
“I appreciate the comfort we share and yer offer of marriage. I thank ye, but I canna take more than what we share already here.”
He held her as she fell asleep, her breaths becoming deeper and more even. And he knew he would not sleep this night as he thought over the truths he had learned. Truths about his brother, about Robena, and about Anice. And his role in all of this.
16
“Have mercy, Rob! There is none left to oppose ye now.” Brodie held up his hands in surrender from the place where he’d landed in the dirt. Only a warrior of his size and strength would be able to laugh after being pummeled into the ground before his own men. Robert stepped back from his opponent, panting from his own exertions.
Reaching down, he pulled Brodie to his feet. Once he released his friend’s hand, he looked around and saw that Brodie spoke the truth—he had challenged and beat every one of the men who were assigned to the training yard this morn. Those few who were just lately watching the exercises would not meet the dare he knew shone forth in his gaze. Finally, he accepted that his attempts to wear himself out with battle were going to be unsuccessful yet again.
As he accepted a dipperful of water from one of the young boys assisting the weapons’ master, he heard Brodie ordering the men to gather their supplies and meet outside the gate in one hour’s time. Then Brodie joined him near the fence. For a time they were both silent, then Brodie turned and looked him in the eye.
“To what purpose do ye wear yerself into the ground?”
“What?” Robert asked.
“Ye ken of what I speak, Rob. Ye have been taking on all who would fight ye day in and day out for these last three weeks. I want to ken why.”
“So I can sleep at night.” That was just the beginning of the reason, Robert knew, but as much as he was ready to admit.
“I would think that Robena would be willing to tire ye out in a much better way.” Brodie winked as he spoke. “Reallynow, this is more about rage than about wearing yerself out. And I fear ye may do injury to yerself or the men in this attempt to work out yer rage on them.”
His anger rose quickly. “I wouldna harm any of them, Brodie. Ye should ken that much about me.” A few broken noses and some bruises were all the suffering he’d inflicted so far, and one of the broken noses had been his own... twice.
“’Tis about yer leaving, is it no’?”
Of course it was about leaving. Leaving without being acknowledged, leaving without being accepted, leaving without her. For he could not gain one without losing any chance of the other. If named as Struan’s son, even his natural one, he could take his rightful place next to his father. But that would remove Anice from him, for neither the church nor she would accept marriage due to their degree of affinity.
If he pursued Anice, there was even a chance, a very big one, that Struan would reveal his parentage just to stop them. Marriage to him would place her son under his authority and Struan definitely wanted the babe in his control. For the inheritance of the leadership of the clan was determined not only by birth, but also by abilities and the vote of the clan elders.
“Aye, ’tis about just that,” he finally answered.
“Have ye decided when to return to Dunbarton?”
“I leave in three days.”
“Ye dinna sound as though ye want to go.”
“Well, Brodie, I dinna have my choice in the matter. Struan haes made his announcements and to say otherwise would be to call the laird a liar,” Robert said as he turned once more to face his friend. “And that is something I am no’ willing to do before the clan.”
