“I remember I kept wanting to go back, but you said we needed to go further and then it started pouring. Like really raining, and the dog was freaking out and I was freaking out and you started crying.”
Gwen smiles. “Yeah, I kinda remember your ass as being the crying one.”
“Is there a point to this story?” I giggle as I pick up the bottle of wine again, thankful for the memory and her break in the conversation.
“We had wandered so far from home we didn’t know how to get back, remember?” She glances over at me and I nod, urging her to continue. “We were freaking out hoping a car would pass and maybe we’d get a ride or directions. We thought the dog was getting cold and he was getting sick, and there was a time when we both stopped and thought it was hopeless. But, then you saw something, something that reminded you of the way we came, and you were able to find our way home.”
I sit with her words. I let them linger in my mind.
“Like they say, not all who wander are lost.” Gwen rises from the trunk of the car and walks off towards the sight in front of us. “You’ll find your way home, Eva. You always do.”
I sit and savor the last few sips of wine before rising and joining her. Not exactly ready to leave, I look out at the new land I have found myself in love with and wonder how I could ever return to a life on the West Coast.
In the shadow of Kentucky, what I once wanted so bad now only seems small. Irrelevant. It pales in comparison to anything I had ever hoped for before. Sure, I could still move home, still pursue the dream I once had. But it all seems empty now without Noah in it.
In the mere days I have been wrapped up in a new life in the south, oddly, it has grown to feel like home. How can I return to a past now when the only future I want is staring straight back at me?
Chapter Fifty-Six
Eva
The car door slamming shut makes me realize the finality of the situation. Looking out across the field at Noah’s house, I pause and breathe deeply trying to hold onto a dream that is now shattered.
Gwen closes her side door as she exits the car to say our goodbyes. A goodbye I hoped would be much different only a little over a week ago. The screen door opens and little footsteps come down the steps. Turning, Anna May comes running toward us with Jolene and Noah’s mom following shortly behind.
“Miss Eva,” Anna May begins, “Momma says you’re leaving. But you can’t leave yet. I told Bobby you and Uncle Noah were going to get married.”
“Anna May,” Jolene scolds.
“It’s true,” Anna May says, coming to a stop in front of me. “Uncle Noah said he’d have babies so I can be a big cousin. And I saw him and Ms. Eva kissing and…”
“Hush up, Anna May,” Noah’s mother says, pulling the child to her side.
Tears threaten to break free, but I plaster a smile on my face and crouch down to Anna May’s level.
“Well,” I say, clearing my throat. “You know what, Anna May, that may just happen yet. But I don’t think it’s going to be me, sweetie.”
She frowns and looks at the ground. I brush her bangs to the side and take her face in my hand, lifting her chin, I say, “I’m gonna miss you, Anna May.”
“I’m gonna miss you too, Ms. Eva,” the little girl says with a sniffle that almost breaks me.
“Hey, what about me?” Gwen chimes in, breaking the tension. Anna May’s face lights up as she turns to look at one of her newest friends. “Who am I going to get to bake cookies with me back in California?”
Anna May runs to her and gives Gwen a big hug. Rustling the top of her hair, Gwen bends forward and kisses the crown of her head. “I’m going to miss you,” she says with tears in her eyes.
Anna May backs away, “You know, I’ve never been on an airplane before.” She gives us a mischievous smirk. “Maybe momma will let me come visit.”
Laughing, Jolene says, “Only if I come along, too.”
“Deal,” Anna May exclaims, before hugging Gwen one last time and returning to give me a hug.
I pull her close and hug her like I don’t want to let her go. Because deep down, I don’t. I will never be able to replace her or a family I wished would be my own. A few days ago, it looked as if this little girl would hopefully one day be a part of my future. Now, I am left packing up and heading back home with nothing more than what I showed up with.
I haven’t spoken to Noah since the park the day before yesterday. With nothing left to say, I reluctantly agreed when Gwen suggested we look into changing our flight and leaving a few days early. Now, stopping by to say goodbye to Jolene before making a stop at the newspaper seems like the end of the world.
I release Anna May and turn to hug Noah’s mother. She pulls me close and a sense of comfort washes over me. I close my eyes as tension leaves me briefly and I take the last bit of a family I wished I could call my own with me. Noah’s mom pats my back a few times, and says, “Sometimes, even when we take chances, the good Lord changes our direction. Noah will never stop loving you, baby. But he’s got to face some of his own tough choices right now.”
I nod my head letting her know I understand. Breaking free, I softly smile at her as she squeezes my hands.
