“You don’t get to do this, not again,” she screams which makes people stop and look, including Jolene who doesn’t look away like the rest, but stays trained on the situation unfolding in front of her.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “It is not your decision to make, Eva.”
“Oh, so I don’t get a choice?” she yells. “I don’t get a say? You seem to have a shitty habit of knowing what I want. Of thinking you know what is best for me and making my decisions for my life. I’m a grown-ass woman Noah, and I can decide on my own.”
I shake my head. She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t see. Staying with me is no life for her. Taking care of a child that is not her own, dealing with a mother like Becky, giving up her dreams, and staying in a little town in Kentucky when she was made for the lights of the city, is not the future I wanted to give her. She was made for the ocean, and I was made for the country - ain’t no shame in that. She needs to go home where she belongs. Finally, after all we’ve been through, I can accept that.
“If you stay,” I begin to say very sternly. “You will only grow to hate me. I am tied to this place, Eva. Tied to a future I didn’t know when I met you. You need to be free, free to go wherever your life takes you, turns you, spins you until you make all you ever wanted come true. You won’t be free with me.”
“You’re all I ever wanted,” she cries.
I close my eyes as they well over with emotion. Emotion I won’t let her see. Emotion only fit for late nights with a bottle of whiskey as my only comfort. Not now, not when it is taking all of my strength to not break and see the promise she is making me. The words I hoped she’d say but know I can’t accept.
“I have to let you go,” I whisper. “You can’t stay here.”
“Don’t tell me what I need to do, you stubborn ass,” she thunders back which makes me stiffen.
Hardened by her words, I take a deep breath before turning to look her in the eyes. Knowing she won’t go, I take a moment, drown in her one more time before telling the biggest lie of my life, hopeful it sends her packing and ends this tug of war we’ve been fighting forever.
“I’ve asked Becky to marry me.” Her face fills with horror. “She said yes. I’m meeting her at city hall. It’s time we said Goodbye, Eva. I can’t give you the life you deserve. My life is no longer mine to give. It belongs to my son. I’m sorry.”
I begin to walk away, but stop. Desperation takes over. A need to feel her once more. Turning around, I grab her forcibly and pull her against me.
Love, sadness, defiance stares back at me. But I have to do this. I have to taste her one last time. I have to remember the way she felt in my arms, the way her body fit perfectly against me.
“Don’t do this,” she pleads.
My free hand reaches up and grabs the back of her neck. Gently I pull her closer. Breathing her in for the last time, my eyes memorize every inch of her face.
Kissing her slowly, she opens up for me beautifully. Sensual at first, our lips dance against each other like a promise, a future that we both know doesn’t exist anymore.
She moans as arousal takes over, and the world around us becomes non-existent.
Punishingly, violently, our tongues begin to caress each other. Our teeth clash and nip at each other’s lips as we attempt to erase the past, present and fearful moments ahead. Grabbing her hair, I tug slightly needing a release. Not knowing how to break free, and never wanting to.
The noises of the playground slowly intrude and bring me back to reality I am not ready to face. To a world that will be empty once she is gone. Breaking our embrace, I look her in the eyes one final time. A world of unfinished promises hangs in them. A lifetime of regret fills me. Kissing the top of her head, I release her. Not saying a word, I turn and walk away. This time, she doesn’t stop me.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Eva
Looking out across the countryside, I sigh defeated. Gwen and I have driven out of town and stopped at a clearing overlooking some of the most gorgeous horse properties anyone could ever get the chance to see. Sitting on the back of the rental car for close to an hour, we’ve proceeded to take turns drinking off the now almost empty bottle of red wine we grabbed from the local grocery store. Relaying my tale of how everything came crashing to an end at the park a few hours ago, Gwen hasn’t said much but a few words while I relentlessly bitched about everything.
Her phone alerts a text and I watch as she reads it before putting her phone down and looking up at me. “I think we should head back home a day or two early.”
“What? Why?” I ask, not ready to admit it’s time to leave.
“Come on Eva, do you really think hanging out here is going to do anyone any good anymore?”
I don’t know if it is the wine or fire still burning inside from the way me and Noah left things, but I’m not ready to leave. Not yet. “Excuse me, but I remember your ass being the one with the great idea to come all the way across the damn country and fight for him in the first place, am I right?”
She doesn’t argue. Just continues to look straight ahead out across the countryside. A sad look fills her eyes. Feeling sorry I lashed out at her, and knowing she was just trying to help, I am moments away from apologizing when she says, “Remember that one time when we were kids and we went out for a walk in the rain,” Gwen laughs breaking up the tension. “It was right after you moved up north, and my parents had let us walk the dog. Remember?”
I smile and let the fire inside fade as I laugh along with her. “Yeah, that was a long time ago. God, life was so much simpler back then.”
We sit for a moment watching the sun begin to set before she speaks again. “I remember when we were out there, we had on our best clothes, had just spent hours on our hair and makeup, only to go walk Max. We thought we were so grown up.”
I laugh as the memories come flooding back of our hours getting ready hopeful to see someone special. Of us thinking we were such adults walking the dog around the streets by ourselves at eleven years old. We must have looked so silly.
