She giggles some more and wiggles in my lap as my mother glances up at us across the room. Placing another can in the pressure cooker, she wipes her hands on her apron.
“How’s work going baby? You came home today and took straight to that front porch. You doing ok, honey?”
I know my mother worries about me, even more so since I showed back up in town and didn’t want to offer much of any sort of explanation. But I try not to worry her much, especially after my father’s death, so I shrug and fake a smile.
My mother never asked why I returned home with just the clothes on my back after being gone so long. She never pried as I threw myself back into my old life - until now. But that kind of conversation is not for little ears which are attached to one of life’s most precious gifts, who is currently sitting on my lap, and plopping paint on a piece of paper that is growing smaller and smaller by the minute with the number of different colors she is swirling about.
The front door slaps open and it isn’t long before I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. My sister rounds the corner just as Anna May flies out of my lap to greet her mother.
“Momma, Momma! Come look. I painted a picture of Buddy from lasterday!”
Anna May happily exclaims as she jumps into her mother’s arms. My sister grabs her daughter in a big bear hug and then puts her down. Taking off her apron from the diner she works at back in town, she releases a heavy sigh. Being a single mother has taken a toll on her. She hides it well though, in only the way a mother can.
Jolene walks over to the table to see what Anna May has painted. “Awe Baby, I love it. Can we take this one home with us,” she asks, before walking over to where our mother is mixing her preserves together on the stove. Dipping her finger in, she gets a smack from my mother before smiling and walking to the fridge to pull out a bottle of sweet Kentucky wine. Pouring herself a glass, she pulls off her shoes and comes to sit with us at the kitchen table.
My sister was the only one I let myself confide in when I returned home. Knowing most of the story behind what happened a few years back with Becky, I needed to talk to someone besides Rex. Sensing my mood, my sister nudges me slightly and asks, “You ok today?”
I nod as Anna May runs off into the living room to watch a cartoon that has just come on the TV. Ever busy, I’ve realized since I have been back it is best to keep multiple things running in order to occupy the four-year-old’s energy and mind. Having not seen her since she was almost two years old, a lot has changed since then - like my sister losing her husband to an opioid addiction which landed him in jail. It’s something both women in the room kept hidden from me while I was off on the West Coast chasing a dream that eventually shattered.
“Doing alright,” I lie. “How was work?”
My question is met with a roll of the eyes as she glances behind me to look into the living room and keep an eye on her daughter. Anna May is now dancing to whatever kid’s show just came on. She smiles watching her daughter from afar, and I notice the sadness that lurks just behind the facade she has learned to hide behind in the two years since I have been gone.
“Nothing matters when I can come home to that little girl right there.” Anna May dances around and shouts back at the TV when she is told to by the crazy out-of-the-world-looking characters dancing and singing on the screen in front of her.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, Noah,” my mother says. “Two women came by here looking for you earlier. Could tell from a mile away they weren’t from around here. Looked a lot like someone I’d expect you’d meet in California. I told them you’d be back later this evening.”
Not believing what I just heard, I look back my mother’s way, shake my head a few times and ask, “Are you sure they were looking for me?”
She only nods. “I asked them if they would like to wait. It was only about an hour or so before you were supposed to come home. A redhead and a blonde, that’s right. But they said no. They’d stop back by later.”
I turn to look at my sister. She smiles, then starts to laugh. I roll my eyes at her, then shove her to get her to stop, which only makes her laugh harder as she takes another sip of her wine.
“Lovely girls,” my mother continues. “The blonde was much shyer than the red head. A little nervous if you ask me. Pretty little things. Anna May took a liking to them, too. Asked them to come in and play with her. You never told me you made any woman friends over there, Noah. If you had, I may have been more prepared.”
My mother finishes speaking and a knock sounds at the screen door. A few seconds later, Anna May says, “Hi! Did you come back to play with me? I painted a picture of a doggie, want to see?”
My mother smiles as she makes her way toward the front door. My sister smirks as she raises from the kitchen table.
“You coming lover boy,” she taunts.
She makes her way toward the door with her wine glass in hand. My palms grow sweaty. It isn’t possible.
“Noah, company is here to see you, honey,” my mother calls from the front room, but I can’t force myself to make my way toward a past I never thought I’d see again.
Eventually, I stand.
“Noah Ryan, don’t be rude!” My mother scolds from the front room.
I close my eyes and count to five. Slowly, I turn and put one foot in front of the other as I prepare to face a woman I never thought I’d see again.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Eva
The gravel road crunches under the tires of the rental car as we make our way back toward Noah’s house. After stopping by earlier, having come straight from the airport and meeting his mother, we made our way back into probably one of the cutest little towns I have ever seen. Not that hungry because nerves were making it impossible to function normally, we took to the many boutique shops that lined the streets of Kentucky’s Bardstown, and I immediately fell in love with the small-town feel and all the nice people in it.
Now, moments away from facing a man I came across the country to confront, the peaceful feeling I had walking the downtown streets has faded. As the small country house in the distance grows closer the more Gwen drives towards it, I begin to have second thoughts. Windows down, strong gusts of wind blow into the cab as we travel towards my not-so-distant past and the radio plays “Meant To Be” by Florida Georgia Line. I blow out a deep breath as I go over again in my mind the words I have been practicing since I agreed to come on this crazy trip to Kentucky. Only now, the only bit I can remember from everything I’ve rehearsed sounds stupid as hell.
