Imagining Noah and me taking things further fills me with an excitement I am not sure I have ever felt before. I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone in over a year and a half. In fact, my last relationship ended as a result of it probably never should have started. I told the guy I loved him, and we spent almost two years of our lives together. Although, the longer the relationship lasted, the more I wanted out of it. I finally came to the realization that the reason I hadn’t ended it sooner was because of boredom. I came to the conclusion I was in love with the idea of love but not actually in love with the man himself. When everything finally hit the fan, he agreed, and the two of us separated and never spoke again.
And although I sense a pattern with my love life, my ex, and then Trevor, I sum it up to being focused and not allowing anything to derail or deter me from achieving my goals.
Some things are non-negotiable.
Single life is refreshing. It allows self-growth, maturity, and strength. I’m on a good path now and I’m determined to see my dreams become reality. Noah might just be a curveball I am not sure I can handle. Taking things further might be too risky.
Looking up and admiring the man across the table from me, my resolve starts to crumble and tiny barriers I’ve built between the thought of the two of is start breaking away. Maybe a little fun is okay? How bad could it be? As long as I don’t let my heart get too close, why can’t I have a little fun and see where it takes us?
As dinner comes to a close, plates are cleared and coffee is set in front of those who want or need it. I start to feel antsy for the opportunity to be alone with Noah. I sip my coffee and watch as one by one people start to leave the table.
Noah still hasn’t gotten up. He’s in a lively conversation with Rex and has obviously said something hysterical because Rex almost shoots beer out of his nose, laughing so hard. I want to be in on their conversation, but they are talking too low on the other side of the table for me to even pick up the slightest bit of what’s so funny. Still, I keep my ear trained towards them, hoping to catch what I can.
“You all finished, Eva?” Trevor asks, startling me out of my daydream. I’d been so drawn to the conversation in front of me with Rex and Noah that I hadn’t noticed Trevor still sitting at the table.
“Yeah, sure am,” I reply, smiling, wanting to be polite but not wanting to give the impression that there could ever be anything between the two of us again.
“Your mom said she was going to have someone light the fire pit on the back patio.” Trevor looks down at the table and then up again. It’s almost like he’s too shy and embarrassed to even look me in the eye, which is silly because we have known each other since we were kids.
“Want to go and see if it’s lit? We haven’t done that in years. I can grab you a blanket, and we can snag some drinks from the bar on our way,” he urgently and very silently asks, not wanting to be heard by the others at the table.
Normally on any other night I would have said no. Sitting around a fire pit, under a blanket, with drinks on a cool fall night is not your typical way of letting a guy know you’re not interested. However, the thought of leaving with Trevor makes me realize it might make Noah notice me once again.
“I’d love to,” I exclaim, rising from the table as if Trevor has just suggested the greatest idea I’ve heard all evening.
Noah immediately breaks from speaking and watches as I round the table and walk out of the room with Trevor. Rex is still talking, but it’s obvious that Noah hasn’t heard a single word.
Trevor must have been just as shocked as Noah because his mouth falls open from my response. He jumps from his seat so fast he turns his chair upside down. Quickly, he sets it back up and scrambles around the table to meet me. He even has the guts to hold onto my arm as we exit the dining room and head towards the backyard. I’m tempted to look back and see Noah’s face, but when playing a game, a true winner never lets the opponent sense any sort of doubt.
As we reach the patio, Trevor’s nerves are at an all-time high. “You go sit. I’ll run and grab a few drinks and something to keep you warm,” he says, fumbling with his words.
“Actually, I’m kind of wined out. Could you just grab me some hot tea or something?” I ask as I try to slyly look past him to see if anyone has followed the two of us. Disappointment hits as I don’t see anyone in the shadows inside the house coming our way. I try to hide my dismay as I look back at Trevor, who is very excited about the opportunity I’m quickly regretting.
“Of course, anything for you, Ev,” Trevor says endearingly. “I’ll grab the peppermint one you always drink. I won’t be long, I promise.” He backs up, falling over a chair, and barely catches his footing before turning and almost breaking into a run. He doesn’t even notice the slider door is shut, but catches himself just in time before quickly grabbing the handle and stepping inside, trying to cover up his clumsiness.
I giggle under my breath. Even if I don’t like Trevor, he does mean well. He’s always so attentive, and I feel sorry for the guy because I will never feel the same. His attention has always felt like a blessing, somehow reaching me when I feel my lowest. It’s the very reason why I never completely say no, but never wholeheartedly say yes either. It’s hard to turn down something that helps boost your self-esteem, even if you never intend for it to go anywhere further.
Fumbling with my iPhone, I decide music is what’s missing. The speakers had been turned off during dinner. Selecting a Frank Sinatra station on Pandora, I snuggle down in the chair, and wrap my arms around myself to keep warm until Trevor returns. My thoughts drift, and I began to wonder how long it will take for Noah to find his way out to the patio. Or, if he even will at all. Maybe he doesn’t play games and is on to my schemes.
What if I made a mistake?
Fear and anxiety take hold. Fidgeting in my seat, I debate going back inside, and almost get up, but then I hear the slider door to the patio open. Great, I can’t leave now.
I stare at the flames in the fire pit and count the seconds until Trevor is at my side. I’m half in the moment and half back at that dining table as I try to think of a way to fix this, if I have in fact just screwed up my chances.
Hearing footsteps, I look to the left, out across the yard, and let out a heavy sigh.
“Has anyone ever told you how thrilling you look by fire light?” his voice whispers as the wood crackles in the fire pit.
Turning, Noah hovers in the shadows next to me. His eyes dance with desire.
Nervously, I ask, “Do you want to sit down?”
The light from the fire dances across his irresistible frame.
He smiles, and doesn’t take his eyes off mine, as he moves past me and sits in the seat next to me—the seat I know Trevor is hoping for but I’m beyond grateful Noah beat him to it.
As if the music knows exactly what tune should be selected next, ol’ blue eyes starts singing, “The Way You Look Tonight.” Half embarrassed and half impressed that the music lined up so perfectly, I glance down at my phone and Noah does the same. Looking back up, we share a smile for a few moments before he glances down at my phone again. He raises his eyebrows and smirks at me.
