He offers me mine, and I don't take it for reasons he doesn’t yet understand.
“Have it your way,” he slurs. Taking a sip, he sits on the bar stool to his left and leans against the counter, waiting for me to say what I came here to confess.
“I’m sorry I never told you about the baby,” I whisper.
“So you admit it?” he exclaims. “You admit that you got rid of a piece of us? A piece of me. That you were too hateful to even tell me the truth and decided for both of us without consulting me first? What kind of woman does that, Gwen?”
I swallow over the bile rising in my throat. The long list of ways I want to tell him to go fuck himself for what he just said swirls to the forefront of my mind. Instead, I take a deep breath and continue.
“I’m pregnant, Rex.” I blurt out, catching the both of us off guard. I didn’t plan on this going down this way, but I can’t help it. It just blurted out. His eyes grow wide and cloud over instantly with a look I can’t decipher.
“Bullshit,” he chuckles, shooting back his drink and pouring another. He stands and makes his way toward me. I grow nervous with his approach but tell myself to remain calm, to stand tall. Leaning in, he stares me in the eyes, trying to read the truth through his clouded brain.
“Nah,” he says, teetering back slightly the more the alcohol takes over. “I call bullshit, Sweetheart. Nice try. But I’m not buying it.”
“Stop it, Rex. I’m dead serious.”
“Whose is it?” he sneers at me. “Don’t tell me it’s mine?” And I swear to God, if there ever was a time over the years that I wanted to kill Rex Roberts, it’s now. “Shit, I saw how cozy you were with Eric earlier. Are you trying to tell me that you have been loyal all these months? That you only gave yourself to me? You’re so full of shit, Gwen. You actually think I’ll believe you.”
“Damn it, Rex. There hasn’t been anyone else.”
“Bullshit, Gwen! That is what you do,” he yells back at me before throwing his glass across the room. It shatters, and I feel my heart splinter into a million pieces along with it. “You lie to yourself, Gwen. You build up this wall of bullshit that I can’t climb, no matter how damn hard I try. No matter how much I apologize - for what - fuck, I don’t even know anymore.”
“How about you, Rex,” I yell, pushing his chest and watching as he teeters back a step. “You’ve always kept yourself hidden, guarded, afraid of what?”
“Seriously?” he screams. “Damn it, Gwen, you’ve never even let me get close enough to show you how much I…”
He trails off, and it’s my turn to fire back. “How you what, Rex? How much you love me? Tell me, damn it. Tell me you love me.” I push at him, but he stands firm. “See, you can’t even do it, you bastard,” I scream as I push against him harder. “You can’t even say it. You’re the one who’s ruining us, not me!”
He grabs my wrists and stops the assault I’ve begun on his chest. The pounding out of aggression. The release of everything I have held in all these years. He waits until I’m still, until my breathing is almost back to normal, until the sobs have turned to tears.
“Just tell me one thing,” he hisses. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me help you?”
My eyes fill with tears as I lift my head and stare him in the eyes. “I lost the baby, Rex.”
He releases my wrists and staggers backward. His eyes glaze over. His hands tremble as he raises them to his head and runs them through his hair. Finally, I think he understands I didn’t do what he thought I did all those years ago.
I didn’t get rid of us. I ran. Damn right I did. But I didn’t ever let go of my dream, and that was always him. I may have been stubborn and not told him how I felt, but that was because I knew it would scare him. And no matter how hard I’ve tried to outrun our past, I never could outrun my feelings for him.
He starts to walk toward me, but I hold up a hand and stop him as he comes closer. He needs to hear everything.
“A few days after Belle died, I lost our baby,” I whisper, never taking my eyes off his. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to go. I was scared to tell you. I was afraid for you, for us. I flew to Texas and stayed with my aunt for the summer. I wanted to reach out to you so many times. But every time I called home, my parents told me you never reached out or stopped by. Finally, I made up my mind to come home and tell you. When I did, you were already gone. You had left. I waited, thinking maybe you would come back. But you didn’t, and I eventually hated myself. Hated you. I needed you. But you left, Rex. Just like you always did. Or at least that is what I always thought until you told me differently. I let my hate fuel me all these years. I let myself build this wall because shit - I didn’t know any other way to keep you out. To keep you from hurting me again like you did before. I wanted to tell you, believe me, I did, but every time I thought about it, I just added another brick to the wall the more I saw and thought of you moving on without me. I’m sorry, Rex. For hurting you. And I forgive you for hurting me. I didn’t come here to fight. Only to tell you this time, I’m not running. This time, I’m holding onto this baby. Our baby. I’m holding onto a future I hadn’t expected. A second chance that’s the biggest blessing I could have ever prayed for. A future I finally can’t wait to walk through, even if, again, it won’t have you in it.”
I turn to leave, taking only a few steps towards the door, and stop. Looking behind me, I stare into Rex’s eyes as he watches me walk out of his life. He doesn’t try to stop me. He doesn’t reach out and try to keep me with him.
“I love you, Rex,” I whisper. “God, help me for how much I love you. How much I’ve always loved you and always will. But I need you to stay this time. I need to know you won’t leave me. I need to finally, not only see, but feel how much I mean to you. How much we mean to you,” I say, holding my lower stomach. His eyes flash to my hands, and he swallows hard. “I need you, Rex. But more than that, I need to know you love me, too.”
Everything is out in the open now.
Rex doesn’t move. Doesn’t even blink. My heart breaks. I walk out the door of the club, tears stream down my face, and then realize I’m not surprised when he doesn’t call after me, either.
27
Rex
“Now that we are finally on track to open Friday, can I count on you to straighten out the mess that has been created in Nashville since you’ve been gone,” Michael says over the phone as I rub my forehead and still can’t get my mind off the cluster-fuck Gwen and I created a second fucking time in life. “I’ll be flying in Thursday night late. But you have to tell me by the end of the week because if not, I will ask Troy.”
Speak of the devil. Troy enters my office just as Michael mentions his name. The look of exhaustion on his face matches my own as he sits in the chair across from me and takes his hat off his head. Running his fingers through his hair, he blows out an exasperated sigh and waits for me to finish my call.
