“But, we always talk better naked,” I try one last time, thinking maybe it would be better if we stay like this so I can make it up to her afterward. “Besides, we’re already here in bed,” I say, patting the spot beside me and winking at her. “Why go to the front room?”
I reach out and pull her towards me. She falls against my chest with a sweet little smile and lets me kiss her lips tenderly. When she pulls away, the sadness lingers in her eyes again.
“Please, Rex,” she softly cries as a tear rolls down her cheek. “I need to talk to you, and I can’t do it like this.”
I nod before releasing her, and she instantly bolts toward the bathroom. Grabbing my slacks off the floor, I reluctantly put them back on. Buttoning them up slowly, I wonder what is so important it couldn’t wait until after we had sex.
Why did she have to stop us? If it is that big of a deal, am I even ready to face it? Hell if I know, but it looks like I am about to find out whether I like it or not.
24
Gwen
Coming around the corner into the front room, I see Rex standing by the mantle. His back faces me, his hands brace against the wood frame, and he hangs his head low. I take a deep breath and will the fear inside to go away. I don’t want to lose him, but we need to talk. I need to tell him what I’ve been holding in all these years so we can finally move on. So I can finally give myself to him completely if that is what is happening here. So we can be a family this time around. Me. Rex. And the baby.
But the fact that he has something to tell me, too, scares the hell out of me. What could it be? Because I only have the courage to face my demons right now, not his.
I hold on to my lower stomach and take a few steps into the room. The fear that I might lose this child swells up inside of me. I know the doctor said I’m a few months at least, but I’ve heard horror stories of late-term miscarriages. And I can’t live through something like that again. Not alone. Not without Rex. The fear that I might lose them both a second time makes me stop breathing. I tell myself to remain calm. Don’t assume things I don’t know the outcome of yet. Forcing a deep breath, I approach Rex as he turns to look me in the eye.
We both go to speak at first, then laugh as the tension builds in the room. Not knowing what the other is about to say is slowly killing both of us. I silently pray my tears won’t fall. Not until he walks out the door. Not until I can say all I need to say and hope there can still be an us afterward.
“You go first,” I whisper.
“Shit, I don’t know how to say this,” he says, making me even more nervous than I already was. “First, let me start with… I know I am not good at telling you how I feel, Gwen. I know I suck at it. I know my words should make you feel special, and sometimes you think I don’t see it, but I notice when I hurt you. Like when you walk in and think I’m flirting with someone else because my dumb ass lines should only be reserved for you. But, honestly, there is no other woman for me but you. Believe me when I say that, please.”
I nod my head and wait. Rex blows out a deep breath, and something inside tells me I won’t like what I’m about to hear, but I stand tall and wait for it. Whatever it is.
“I promised I would tell you the truth about that night all those years ago when I was supposed to meet you by the train tracks, remember? The night Belle died.”
I shake my head in agreement as tears begin to fill my eyes. I wasn’t expecting this, and I’m not sure I can handle it now. I want to know the truth, but I can't hear it if it involves someone else. Not today. Not with all I have to say to him as well.
He starts to pace the room nervously, making me grow more anxious. He blows out a deep breath, followed by a few stutters, trying to get his head straight. Suddenly, he stops abruptly and stares me in the eyes. Coming a few steps closer, he says, “Ok, here it goes.” Grabbing my arms, he holds me still. His eyes question if I’m ready to hear what comes next. “I was there that night, Gwen.”
My brow furrows. I look at him, confused.
“You were there what night, Rex?”
“The night Belle died,” he whispers, and I swear my heart stops beating. “I was at the station and got called out to the wreck. Everything happened so fast. I knew it was her the moment I saw the car off the side of the hill. I was out of that truck faster than anyone else on the team. I ran to the car, and - God, it was a fucking bloody mess.” I stare at him with wide eyes, trying to wrap my head around all he’s telling me, but before I can, he continues, “I promise you when I say I did everything I could to save her, Gwen. Please believe me when I say that. She was so messed up and bleeding so badly. Shit, I still have nightmares about it where I almost save her, hear the screams, see the blood, and then it starts all over again.”
I shake my head. “Why are you telling me this?”
He drops his hands from my arms and backs away a few steps. “Because she told me her cancer was back.” My breathing stops. What did he just say? “She told me she didn’t mean to crash and wished she could take it back.”
I shake my head at him. “What do you mean ‘take it back?’”
“She crashed on purpose, Gwen,” he forces out, and my heart shatters into a million pieces. “She said she couldn’t go home and face you all when you were so hopeful her last chemo had worked. She said the doctor said it was useless. That there were no more tries. She couldn’t face you all because she knew you’d be heartbroken, and she couldn’t force herself to live to see the look on your faces.”
Taking a few steps back from him, I close my eyes and shake my head. “You’re wrong. Belle would never do that,” I insist.
“I swear, Gwen, I’m not lying,” he takes a step closer and I instinctively take one back. My eyes flash open. A hurt look fills his eyes. “Fuck, why would I lie about something like that? She made me promise not to tell you. Hell, your parents know. I talked to them about it after you disappeared that summer. They just never told you. They made me promise not to as well.”
“You’re lying,” I yell. “You’re lying! Belle wouldn’t do that. Not when….” my tears start to fall. My sobs cut me off. I stare at the man in front of me, the man I gave my heart to again, and silently curse the day I ever met him.
Then, quietly, I hear my sister’s voice in my head.
When you fall in love, you'd do anything for each other. Even if it’s not what you ever thought… because you love each other that much. You’d wait until the moment is right. And then, if you have to, you’d wait a little longer.
Rex wouldn't lie about this. Maybe he’s right. My parents did act weird about her death.
