“God, Gwen, you feel so good. I don’t think I can last.” I know I can’t. Not if she keeps staring into my eyes the way she is right now. “Is this okay?” I ask as I grip her hips and savagely thrust deeper inside her. “Am I hurting you?”
She shakes her head, no. But then, tears fill her eyes, she bites her bottom lip, then timidly shakes her head yes. I slow my movements, rocking more gently in and out of her tight virgin pussy, that’s now forever ruined by me. I hold her stare as I lean back, and circle her clit with my fingertips. A few moments later, tension leaves her eyes, her body relaxes, her center grows wetter, and she screams when her orgasm hits. It throws me over the edge, too. I gather her quickly into my arms as we both crash over the edge and into each other. Into a future I never thought I’d so willingly accept.
I groan as I pump into her a few final times, and her moans soften in the space around us. Slowing my movements, I notice she’s still coming, and so I grind against her clit harder, watching her face as she rides out her ecstasy. When she’s done, and we’re both panting, I kiss the top of her head, knowing no one will ever be able to complete me the way she does.
And fuck if the thought doesn’t scare the shit out of me.
I want to tell her. She deserves to hear it. But I don’t. Fear of her not loving me back gets the better of me, and I let the moment pass. Fear of turning out like my old man, fear of being rejected by the person I love most consumes me. All I can manage is to hold her tight against me.
I try to focus on something else besides the panic rising inside. I might never get the nerve to admit how I feel about her.
She deserves better than that.
Quietly, my heart breaks as she says the three little words I wish I could tell her first.
“I love you, Rex. I’ll always love you…”
* * *
The phone on my nightstand rings pulling me out of my dream. It’s the same dream I have had for the last two weeks since the night in the bar in downtown NOLA. The night I made Gwen promise to stop her running and bet her I could make her believe we were not a mistake. It’s a dream that has repeated constantly over the years since we’ve been apart, as vivid and real as the night it happened. Sitting up and looking at the clock, I notice it’s 1 a.m. and wonder who could be calling me at this hour. Clicking on the bedside lamp, I reach for my phone and see it’s a damn good friend I haven’t talked to in way too long.
“Hey man,” my groggy voice fills the line as I attempt to wipe the sleep from my eyes. “When did you get back? And why aren’t you wrapped around that beautiful wife of yours instead of calling me at 1 a.m.?”
“Ha Ha,” Noah mocks. “I’m at the station. We just got back from a call, and I needed to clear my head after what we just had to walk through. I figured your ass would be up. You were up, weren’t you? Because hell must have frozen over if Rex Roberts is in bed sleeping at 1 a.m.”
“Very funny,” I laugh. “I’m on a new assignment in New Orleans. How was Italy?”
“Best time of my life with my new bride,” Noah admits without hesitation. “New assignment, huh? Another Southern franchise? Pretty soon, you’ll just have to admit we know how to do it better down here and move permanently.”
I laugh and think of Gwen and I making a home together somewhere in the South. I haven’t found a place that feels like home yet, but I’m sure we could find one together. The truth is, she’s the only thing that’s ever felt like home to me. The thought of a future that includes us living together makes hope bubble up inside my chest. I release a heavy sigh, knowing I still have a lot of work ahead of me if we are ever going to get anywhere close to that kind of happily ever after.
“Oh no, not that again,” Noah chuckles. “Care to tell me what you are really working on in New Orleans?”
I think of the best way to stall, not wanting to go into it, especially not at this hour. “Forget about me. Didn’t you say you just came back from a bad call? Let’s talk about that. You okay?”
“No chance in you dodging the bullet this time, Rex. The call was nothing some mindless chitchat can’t handle. Are you going to tell me what’s so heavy, or not?”
I’d prefer the “or not,” but I find myself subconsciously caving and hoping it isn’t the wrong choice, knowing that Noah just did marry Gwen’s best friend.
“It just so happens Gwen is the head of the marketing firm Michael hired,” I confess. “We are working side by side on this one, and she’s a royal pain in the ass, like always.”
I try to throw him off my scent. No luck, though. He isn’t buying.
“You mean royal pain in your blue balls,” Noah laughs. “Man, everyone knows you two are hung up on each other. Are you ever going to tell me what you keep hidden in your past? Shit, you know all about the skeletons in my closet.”
That I do, but I figure it’s best to keep at least some shit hidden. Especially the nightmare that has haunted me for over ten years that Gwen knows nothing about. The one thing I will have to confess at some point if I’m ever going to have any chance of keeping her by my side.
“Maybe one day,” I admit fearfully. “Right now, I’m just trying to work through it myself so I don’t make the same mistake twice.”
7
Gwen
Laughter floats my way across the street as I walk along the Mississippi River. Looking out over the water, I see ships coming and going in the moonlight and hear the faint whistle of a steamboat. It doesn’t take much to imagine this town in all its glory centuries ago. The night is pleasant as the humidity from earlier this afternoon has lifted, and a breeze blows past me as I stroll along the banks of the river toward downtown.
A work party earlier this evening had me needing air as the same people and stupid chatter surrounded me. Excusing myself and leaving Aaliyah in charge, I took the five-minute walk through town and across the street to walk the river in peace and quiet. Something that has quickly become one of my favorite things to do in New Orleans when I need to clear my head. With all the crazy ways my life has twisted and turned over the last few weeks, I have found myself here more times than I care to admit.
Rex making me promise he could prove our past was never a mistake has rocked me more than I thought it would. At night, I lay awake, tormented by the undeniable desire to have him in my bed, holding me, making love to me, cherishing me like he used to. I wrestle with the thoughts of what I know I want more than anything: the painful truth about the way we ended all those years ago, and the secret I’ve been holding in all this time since I felt he betrayed me and left me all alone when I needed him most.
