I nod again, and step closer to her. She goes to turn around again, but I put my hand on her shoulder to stop her.
“Ben?” Charlie whispers. Her wide eyes bore into mine. The green flecks around her irises flash in the bright kitchen lights. Her plump lips sit in a pout as she observes me, concern marring her expression.
Fuck it.
I press my mouth to hers, gently at first. I feel Charlie startle for just a moment, but then she kisses me back, standing up on her tip toes to wrap her arms around my neck. I put my hands on her waist and pull her closer to me, and she gasps lightly. It feels so good, sorightto finally give in to my desires. Charlie becomes pliant under my hands, and I pick her up and set her down on the counter opposite us.
Now that she’s not straining to reach me, she snuggles in closer, and I deepen our kiss. My brain screams at me to stop. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve happiness. I’m bad. I’m worthless. But for the first time in a long time, my heart sings louder, begging me to keep going. I’m fighting with my brain tojust let me have this momentwhen I hear the front door open. I pull away from Charlie quickly, leaving her sitting on the counter, looking confused.
“Give me a half an hour,” I tell her quietly, “and I will take you to your place.” Then I turn around and leave the kitchen without another word.
Chapter 32
Charlie
What just happened? I lift my fingers up to my mouth, absently feeling my lips that are still puffy from Ben’s kiss. I’m so confused. Why is he taking me home? Why did he kiss me first? What did I do? Do I make him that uncomfortable?
I’m saved from my slough of wayward thoughts by Max and Andy entering the kitchen, both with warm smiles for me. They make their way over to me and each give me a kiss on my cheek at the same time, which makes me giggle.
“Well now that we’ve broken the three-way seal, we’re going to have to do that again,” Andy declares.
“The three-way seal?” I question and Max snorts.
“Yep. We’ve done it once and now we will have to do it again, preferably somewhere warmer and comfier,” Andy informs me.
“And often,” Max adds, winking at me.
“Yeah, this definitely adds a new dynamic to whatever we got going on here.” I gesture vaguely between the three of us.
Andy and Max high-five each other with huge grins on their faces. I hop down off the counter and finish making the hot chocolates. I’m still not sure what to do about Ben, or what his ‘taking me home’ means, but I know Max and Andy want me here. Ben is probably just as confused as I am.
I resolve to just ask him what the fuck is going on when we drive to my place. I set the mugs down in front of Max and Andy,who are now sitting at the table and chatting about what sounds more like an acrobatic stunt than group sex.
“Just a reminder that I am not a contortionist,” I say, sitting down with my own hot chocolate.
“You will be by the spring,” Andy jokes.
“I am so screwed.”
“That’s the idea,” Max teases, and I flush.
“You guys are crazy!”
“Crazy about you, maybe.” Andy tickles my side, and I playfully push him away.
I look back at the door Ben had vacated the kitchen from and sigh. “I just wish all three of you felt the same.”
Max frowns at me. “You’ll have to take my word for it gorgeous. Ben is into you. Him and his demons are the problem, not you.”
I nod but don’t say anything else. A part of me feels guilty for wanting Ben too. Like I should just be happy and feel lucky that anyone wants me at all. But my heart hurts for him and I feel this deep pull to make it better for him any way that I can. It’s that pull that has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past, but I just know that it will be different with Ben.
“We’re gonna have to up our game if she’s still lusting after Ben dude,” Andy tells Max.
“Yes, we can make you forget all about butthead Ben gorgeous. Just you wait and see,” Max chuckles.
“Speak of the devil,” Andy murmurs as Ben re-enters the kitchen.
Ben ignores him and looks at me. His face is completely neutral. I have no idea what he’s thinking. “You ready to go?”
