I leaned in closer.“Nate...hey...HEY...”
I could no longer recognize my own voice; it was shrill and full of terror.
It happened as if I were being dragged underwater...Sirens exploded around us, and paramedics rushed in.Chase’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me back carefully as they descended on him.
“Nooooooo....NO, CHASE, LET ME GO...!”
“Tessa...Tess, they need space...”
“CHASE DO SOMETHING...PLEASE...PLEASE...”
My screams scraped my throat raw.The world blurred into lights and snow and chaos.
Chase moved with me like I weighed nothing, and then another set of strong arms pulled me in close, holding me, trying to shield me from what was happening.But I knew.Iknewwhat was happening.
Eli...I think it was Eli who was holding me.Trying to calm me.Talk to me...But I couldn't process it, couldn't understand...because all I could see was the blur of movement around Nate and my eyes were locked onto his hand on his chest and the ultrasound picture peeking out from under it.
Chapter 46 - Tessa
I don't remember leaving the crash site, or the drive to the hospital...but I am here now.I don’t remember walking in or the EMTs speaking to me, handing me the ultrasound picture....but it's clutched in my hand.
I remember noise, a roaring, tidal hush that filled my skull until words became nothing but vibrations.
Someone put a blanket around my shoulders.
Someone guided me into a chair.
The chair creaks every time I breathe, loud, plastic, hollow.It echoes like I’m sitting in the middle of an empty gymnasium.
But I’m not, I’m surrounded… and I’ve never felt so crushingly alone.
It's like I slowly come back online, and things come back into focus.
Chase sits across from me, hands scrubbed but still faintly stained, knuckles raw and split.His clothes are gone, someone must’ve taken them when ER staff realized they were soaked in blood, but his eyes… His eyes haven’t changed.They look like someone scooped the light out of them.I see him staring at his hands, and I know there’s nothing I can say that will fix the way he’s blaming himself.
Eli sits beside me, knee bouncing, jaw clenched so tight it trembles.He keeps looking at me like he’s afraid I’ll vanish if he blinks.
We are still waiting on John and Maggie to arrive, and I don't think I am ready for that.
It's like I can only focus for so long; I feel like I keep getting pulled in and out of focus.
Kenzie arrives at some point, breathless and tear streaked.She drops into a chair near Chase, grabs his hand, and whispers something that makes him crumble forward.
Teammates filter in, Marcus, Erik, Dante, Liam...faces drawn, pale, stunned.They form a quiet wall around us, protectors who don’t know what to protect first.
Everyone moves, everyone breathes, everyone shifts and whispers and sobs.
Everyone but me.
I sit perfectly still, the ultrasound photo clenched so hard...There’s a smear of Nate’s blood on the edge.It's brown now.Already becoming a stain.I stare at it because it feels like it’s the only thing keeping me together.If I look away, if I lift my head, I’ll have to face the doors at the end of the hall, the ones no doctor has come through yet.
My heart feels like it’s beating somewhere outside my body.
Voices happen around me, but muffled, distant, underwater, like hearing life from the wrong side of glass.
“…get her some water…”
“…they’re still working…”
