He looks gutted, but I can see something shift in him.“You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
“You broke me,” I yell, and I am angry when I feel the tears trickle down my face.“You used me.You lied to me directly when I asked you questions.And you lied by omission because I didn’t even know what questions I needed to ask.”
His eyes are wet now.“Tess...You have to believe me when I tell you it was all real.That I love you and only you.”
“I trusted you,” I choke out.
Silence strangles the air.
He looks past me then, at the bag by the door.
His voice fractures.“Where… where are you going?”
“That's not for me, Nate,” I say.“I didn't even really know what I was doing until I had all of your things packed up.”
"Tessa, no.I am not taking anything back.My stuff belongs here with you.With me.I...have to work this out."
"I bet you do, Captain."
He flinches, but then something shifts in him; he stands a little taller.“You’re running away from us just because it got a little hard.”
“No, Nate,” I correct.“God...things seemed odd, and I had a gut feeling for too long that I ignored because I love you and I wanted it to work.When Brielle cornered me in the bathroom, I defended you, us.But she was right.She was the only one to tell me the truth.”
“Tessa...Please let me stay and explain.”
“Do I need to disappear for a bit, Nate?When this hits the media,” I continue, “Will your team spin the story however protects you best?I can’t… I can’t be the villain in a story I didn’t even know I was cast in.”
“I would NEVER let them...”
“You did,” I whisper.“Our entire relationship.”
He looks like I stabbed him. “You’re throwing us away!”
“If that’s how you want to see it,” I whisper.
“Tessa, please...”
"You need to leave."
"I can't.I...Fuck.This cannot be it, Tessa.I have never felt like this with anyone.I can see it all.I am not giving up.This isn't over.I love you so fucking much, and it is killing me that you don't believe in what we had."
A sob tears out of me, "How...How Nate?Step back for a minute and stop thinking about you.Think about everything I learned last night.Think about how that made me feel.That everyone on your team, your whole fucking organization, knew more about our relationship than I did."I take a moment to wipe away my tears with my sleeves."I don't know what was real and what was made up.I don't know what version of you is really you and what is for the brand.I am questioning everything..."
Nate doesn't respond, and we just stand there at the front door staring at each other.I don't know how much time has passed, but I feel like I need this to be over, like I need to crawl into a ball.
I take a deep breath.
“I hope you figure out who you are, Nate, what you want.What actually makes you happy...”I say softly.“For your sake.Not mine.Not the team.Not your family.For you.”
His voice breaks.“Don’t.”
"I need space, Nate.I need you to go.This has all been too much."
He takes a step toward me, and I almost cave.I nearly dive into his arms and allow myself to be comforted by him.But the version of me that loved Nate blindly didn’t survive last night.I bend down and grab his bag, then stand and hold it out for him to take.Nate takes a step back, as if the bag will burn him if he takes it.His eyes are wild as he shakes his head no.He lets his tears fall, whispers, "I love you so much, Tessa," and then, louder."I will give you space.But we are not done.This is not how we end.I will show you.I love you more than anything or anyone in the world."
With that, he turns away, and I stand with the bag still held out and watch him get into his bronco and drive away.I don't know how long it takes for me to drop the bag and fall apart all over again.But I do.
Chapter 37 - Nate
