He stares at me, and I don’t know what’s going on in his head.I have never been able to get a read on him.Not like he can read me.
He says my baby blue eyes are too expressive.
He hasn’t moved, and his phone is still ringing in his pocket.
I know what he wants.
He wants me to soothe him.
Tell him it’s ok.
Tell him that I will wait.
I will be patient.
That I will cling to the scraps I get from him.
But I can’t.
Not tonight.
“Go,” I say with fresh tears falling down my cheeks, trailing down my chest and staining the angelic white silk slip.
“Cass…” He pleads.
“No, Andrew… GO.You want to go… GO.I am…” God, what am I?I don’t know anymore, but something inside me is broken, and it hurts, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
“I don’t want to go, baby, you know that.I have to go.”
I scoff, and he dares to look like the hurt party in all of this.
“I am tired of asking for something that will never happen, Andrew.I can't keep doing this.So, go.”
He looks wounded, hurt.“What are you saying, Cassidy?You know I love you, that I can’t just…”
Her ringtone cuts him off.
And we are back to this standstill.
Him wanting permission to leave, and me wanting him to choose to stay.
To choose me.
He wants me to make this easy for him, and I just can’t anymore.
“Go.”I choke out, and my bottom lip starts to tremble.I can’t break completely, not yet, not with him still here.So I bite into my bottom lip and focus on the pain I’ve caused.
“Cass, please… I can’t… FUCK!”He roars his frustration.
But he doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand the pain I have been in.
I can feel myself choking on the sob, waiting to break free.
I don’t say anything else, I turn and go to my bathroom.
I lock the door and keep one hand on the door handle, and the other covers my mouth.Like I can hold in all the agony, wanting to rip out of me.
I don’t hear anything for a minute.
