The same thing happens the next day, and the day after, but our performance tonight was such a mess that I barely had the chance to worry about him and how to repair the rift between us.
The venue was huge, and there wasn’t anywhere close to enough security to control the masses. It led to having all of our post-show activities canceled.
It was nice to get out of the interviews and meet-and-greets for once, but Damian had a full-blown meltdown as the fans converged.
My stomach tightens as I recall the look on his face.
They kept getting closer and trying to talk to him, but no matter which direction he turned…
There was no way to escape the mob.
Riot, Creed, and I did our best to sign autographs and distract the crowd while Ravvi shuffled Damian away to one of the greenrooms and Declan played interference.
I’m not sure it actually helped, though.
By the time I make it back to the bus, Ravvi is coming down the stairs. His curly black hair sticks to his forehead with sweat, and he’s not wearing a coat, despite how cold it is. The black jean vest the wardrobe department put him in for the show hangs open, showing off the torn white T-shirt underneath. No one else could pull off that combo, but somehow it fits with the ripped black jeans and cuffs on his wrists.
He spots me and frowns.
It doesn’t feel good, that’s for damn sure.
“Is Damian okay?” I ask, trying to test the water. Maybe he’s not as upset as I think he is?
“He will be. He just wants to be left alone.” He shrugs, taking off toward the bus the twins stay on.
Well, I guess that proves he’s still angry.
I’m torn between following him and checking on Damian.
Even his energy seems closed off, so now probably isn’t the time for that. I chicken out, making my way onto our tour bus.
I almost feel like it would have been easier to hash things out with Ravvi than to witness Damian be so miserable. And like the rift with Ravvi, I don’t know how to fix this. He looks destroyed, and I can feel his anxiety pulsing in my chest.
“This is a nightmare I never should have agreed to.” Damian’s head shakes, and his long blond hair whips from side to side as he tosses his pillow back into his bunk.
“Want to share my bed?” I offer before I can stop myself. Glancing over my shoulder, I eye the door to the room at the back of the bus. “It’s very nest-like. We can pull the shades and make it dark. I hardly ever hear anything when I’m back there.”
Damian studies me, and I hold my breath, waiting to see if he’s going to turn me down. He’s so unsettled, and it makes my stomach wobble. If I could swap places with him, I would.
He stays silent for so long that I feel obligated to speak.
“Sometimes I get overloaded by the sounds and people too,” I say, hoping to find some common ground.
The blond stubble on his jaw flexes as he grinds his teeth together.
“I’m not sure. I need complete silence to decompress,” he says, swallowing thickly. “I don’t want to abandon you guys, but I don’t think I’m cut out for touring.”
Damian might not bemyalpha, but he isanalpha, and my system aches to soothe his stress. More than that, I know he’s here, at least in part, because of me.
The guilt threatens to drown me as my throat gets tight.
I reach for him, but he rears back.
“Fuck,” he whispers, swiping a hand over his face. “You can’t touch me right now.”
I grimace.
Okay, that was the wrong call. It kills me because I want to comfort him, but I can see that’s not what he needs to be able to relax.
