That’s the point of shoving it into my mouth—it stops the bleeding.
Declan reaches over, grabbing a paper towel from the messy coffee table. He snatches my hand and wraps the makeshift bandage around it. “Leave your other fingers alone.”
“You and Ravvi fighting. What’s new?” Damian laughs. “It’s like, the more he tries to make amends, the angrier you get.”
“I don’t.”
That’s not exactly fair.
As long as he’s not spewing crap about how we’re meant to be together, I’m happy to be around him. I miss the friendship we used to have back when there wasn’t so much pressure.
It’s hard.
He’s always been so confident.
It almost won me over.
I never told him about my feelings, but that was in part because I didn’t want to disappoint him. He gets so excited about everything, and I felt like if I told him that I wanted to date… He would’ve acted like it was the equivalent of asking him to marry me.
It was a lot of pressure at eighteen years old.
I’m still not sure if I put that on myself or what, but he proved that he couldn’t be counted on when I really needed him.
“Okay.” Damian shrugs, bringing the cigar to his mouth as he rolls it between his fingers and licks the seam. “If you want the opinion of someone on the outside looking in, then I can tell you…” His blue eyes cut to mine. “You kinda do. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother. Anyone else could do or say the same thing, and you’d be fine, but if Ravvi does or says something, you freak out.”
I squint as I study his face.
I don’t think I can deny that. At least, not without being a hypocrite.
“I was going to apologize,” I say, and it sounds weak, even to my own ears.
Damian stretches over, grabbing a lighter with his tattooed fingers. He pops the blunt between his lips and lights it. “You can apologize, but it doesn’t mean much if you keep torturing him. He can’t change the past.”
My stomach tightens.
I don’t think he’s wrong. I have been downright hateful to Ravvi at times. Even when he’s tried to check in on me, I’ve treated it like an attack rather than a friend being concerned about another friend’s well-being.
If one of them was losing hair, vomiting three to four times a week, and having migraines every day…
I’d be worried too.
I don’t like how moody I’ve become since this tour started.
The longer I take suppressants, the more I become someone I don’t recognize.
Is being hateful a side effect?
It’s not one of the symptoms listed on the packaging, but I’m not going to pretend like I haven’t been awful to everyone.
Ravvi probably has taken the brunt of it, and that’s not okay. I need to figure out how to fix it…
For real this time.
Chapter Nine
Cove
Outside of practice and our show, I don’t see Ravvi all day.
