He groaned in frustration when I pulled away and reached out to pull me back.
“We need to talk about this. I don’t want to constantly piss you off.”
“I’m not pissed off,” he protested.
“Well, you weren’t exactly happy either. I know what you’re talking about. It’s kind of a defense mechanism to hide away. Believe it or not, I struggle heavily with imposter syndrome. I know I’m not good enough or pretty enough or a million other not enoughs. So I sort of take on an alter ego who’s bolder and braver than I am, one who’s prettier and everyone likes.”
“Zoey, that’s crazy talk. You are more than enough just as you are. I don’t love the imposter or fake persona or whatever you call it. I love you, therealyou—only you.”
Tears pricked my eyes. There was that love word again. My heart swelled every time he said it. I was enough for him. It was mindboggling to me, but I knew he genuinely felt that way. I could feel the truth of it through our bond.
I hugged him and let a few tears fall. “Thank you,” I whispered.
There were so many guys who wanted to be with me to elevate their own status, to piggyback off my fame for their own gain, or wear me as arm candy to make themselves look more impressive. People like that—and it wasn’t just the guys—made me sick and was the primary reason I guarded myself so closely.
“What doesn’t make sense to me is why it upsets you so much. I do it to guard myself from others. Can’t you understand that?”
He sighed, and nodded. “Now that you’ve explained it some, I think I can understand it. But I still don’t have to like it.”
“You respond as if it repulses you.”
He gave me a sad smile. “Picked up on that, did ya?”
“Yes, but I don’t understand why.”
A sort of darkness fell over him.
“Do you remember when I told you my father had a temper?”
I nodded but kept quiet. I had a feeling that this was a very important moment.
He took in a deep breath, like he was calming himself before speaking again.
“Well, he often beat my mom, and sometimes me until I was big enough to fight back. I almost didn’t even come here for fear he’d hurt her, but she’d made me promise not to give up my future for her. I still regret it and always will.”
“Why? I’m sure she’s very proud of you.”
“She’s dead, Zoey. Despite everything, they were fully bonded. It’s still unclear if he killed her or if she killed herself to stop him. I doubt I’ll ever know for sure, but it kills me that I wasn’t there to protect her. And the worst part about it, everyone adored my father. He was a monster behind closed doors, but that anger within him would subdue quickly and he’d morph into this plastic, fake, unrecognizable person who was everyone’s best friend. People adored him. He was outgoing and charismatic. He was everything he wasn’t for us.”
I gasped, unable to believe what he was saying.
“Yeah, so there it is. Fake people terrify me. Every time you morph into that persona that I know isn’t you, it makes me a little sick. And I know you aren’t him. I know you’re even better behind doors.”
“But you can’t help it, because it reminds you of him.”
My heart broke for him. The regret was clearly written on his face. I thought back to moments he’d gone cold on me and could clearly see the pattern. It wasn’t about me; it was the emotional demons he was fighting alone.
“Few people truly knew him. Unfortunately, I was one that did.”
“Did your Alpha know?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Josh’s father was actually best friends with him. He knew exactly what was happening but refused to do anything about it. Josh is a much better Alpha. He tried to intercede on several occasions, but honestly, it made it worse. He refused to banish him from the Pack though because it would have meant exile for my mom and I too. He tried to buffer me from him as much as possible. He implemented some newmandatorytraining for the youth and stuff, but none of that helped my mom, you know?”
I snuggled up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting him know I was there for him.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“I know. And I do get why you do what you do. It’s almost like you compartmentalize Zoey Rey and Zoey Unboxed. But every time you’re in public, especially around here, you don’t have to go into Zoey Unboxed mode.”
