But what would the punch line be?
Az-ha-ungry and I’m going to open my mouth and swallow you whole.
The barn door slid open, and I turned and saw Penny sticking her head through.
Relief flooded through me.
“Hey,” she said, coming in. “You okay?” She took a long look at me. I could read her concern already.
I closed the laptop before she could see what was on the screen. “Not really,” I admitted. I wanted to run to her, bury myself in one of her comforting sandalwood-scented hugs.
“Mark texted me. He asked me to come check on you.” Her eyes went from the closed laptop to my notebook, and I closed that too. But I was sure she’d seen the creature I’d drawn.
“He did?”
My husband had texted me a couple of pictures of Olivia in her mouse costume and had checked in to see how I was doing. I told him I was busy working on the new Moxie book. The nursing assistant, Janice, was scheduled to spend the afternoon with my mom, so I was taking a break out in my studio.
I hadn’t shown Mark what I’d found online about Azha. I could only imagine what he’d say, the concerned but derisive look he’d give me while explaining that it simply wasn’t possible.
Penny nodded. “He told me about Paul. Said you were badly shaken by the news. That you didn’t get much sleep last night.” She hugged me. “It’s terrible, Ali. I’m so sorry.” She released me from the tight embrace and studied my face, eyes boring into mine, trying to see all I wasn’t telling her.
I nodded, rubbed my neck. “I still can’t believe it. It’s like something from a bad dream. Paul was just here yesterday. He had the accident driving back to Woodstock. He and my mother had a fight. He was so upset when he left. I keep thinking that if I had just found a way to get him to stay, to work things out, or at least calm down, then maybe—”
“You can’t play the what-if game, Ali. You have no idea if his being upset led to the accident—and even if it did, that’s not your fault.”
“I know.”
“An accident is just that,” Penny said, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. “An accident. Sometimes terrible things happen and no one’s to blame.”
I nodded. I thought about the loss of Penny and Louise’s son. Not an accident, exactly, but a tragic fate no one could have predicted. The world was filled with terrible things.
Mark had told me the same thing again and again: that nothing I could have done would have changed what happened to Paul. And the logical part of my brain understood that I couldn’t have prevented it.
But still, I kept replaying the strange visit, wondering what I might have done differently. I glanced down at my messy worktable. My drawings, the notes I’d made, my laptop with email confirmation of the books I’d ordered.
That’s not Mavis, Paul had said.
“How’s your mother taking it? They’re very close, right? I can’t imagine what she must be going through.”
I bit my lip. “She doesn’t know.”
Her eyes got big. “Ali, I get trying to protect her, but—”
“I know, I know. I need to tell her. I need to discuss arrangements with her. See if Paul had any family I should notify. And it was her car he was driving, so we’ll have to deal with all of that. The coroner called this morning asking what funeral home we wanted to use—he had a local place he recommended. Just when I think this nightmare can’t get any worse, it does.”
“Sounds like the sooner you tell her, the better,” Penny said, tucking an unruly curl behind her left ear.
“I know. It’s just—I need to find a good time. She was in a lot of pain when she got up, and asked for extra meds. Then she was drifting in and out. Then her nurse, Teresa, came for a bit. And now Janice, the LNA, is in there with her. She’s giving her a bath, changing the sheets. Sitting with her for a bit to give me a break.”
Penny looked at me, waiting. Normally I found these intense looks from her comforting, but now I felt caught.
“I’m going to tell her later this afternoon,” I reassured her, “after Janice leaves. As long as she’s awake and lucid.”
“Promise?” she asked.
“Promise,” I said.
She gave me a warm smile. “I can be there with you if you want. You know, for moral support.”
