Theo is back to sitting on the rigid, wooden rocking chair. Now, it makes sense. Now, I can’t complain about the lack of proximity. Even though Christine is gone, I don’t dare touch him.
“I don’t know.” Theo exhales slowly and rocks in the chair—once, twice—the wood creaking loudly against the floor.
I was hoping he would have answers, but he doesn’t—and God, neither do I. I’ve never been in this kind of situation. Usually, when my situationships end, I want them to. I’ve started to see their flaws, and they no longer shine as brightly as they did when we met. Other times, they ghost me, and you know what? Ghosting is easier thanthis.
Theo’s flaws are starting to emerge. I can see them now. He doesn’t have a direction for us, and that… well, he isn’t willing to tell people about us, is he? He can’t. It was fun in the woods, with us sneaking around, but now…
There’s a wall between us.
No. I won’t go back to my old ways. There’s no need to doubt what we feel—what I feel. We still want each other. I’m confident, not doubting it for even a moment. Theo still believes in us, even if his breath is shaky. He’s carrying the same anxiety I am. That’s all.
“We”—I swallow thickly—“probably shouldn’t sleep together anymore. Right? Not while she’s here?”
The suggestion is for him, not for me. This business is the most precious thing to Theo. I’ve seen him give his speeches, I’ve seen him hard at work, and I’ve even read his articles on forestry. How can being with me be more important than saving the planet? It can’t be. It isn’t. I won’t let it be.
Getting in the way of his dreams is not an option for me. I’ve never let anyone get in the way of mine, and I won’t be the one to ruinhis. His relationship with Christine matters, too, and I don’t think she would understand.
No one will understand. Not my brother, not Christine, not anyone.
“Are you breaking up with me?” His lip curls up into a smile—not quite sad, but not the bright smile he wears in the throes of laughter.
“No.” I touch his knee—the only touch I’ll give him for now. “It’s not like that. You know it’s not like that, it’s just…”
“I know. You’re right.” He shakes his head. “I should have known something like this would happen. Things have been too good for us, haven’t they? Too easy?”
“Way too easy.”
Love is never this easy. I may not love Theo yet, but I think I will. This is the time to stop things before they reach that point, but I don’t want to.
“What are you suggesting, then?” he murmurs.
“Just that we stop sleeping together—and going on dates—for now. It’s a pause, not a breakup.” I curl my hands into fists; my nails dig into the tender, freshly healed skin. “Once we’re back home, things will be easier. Right? As fun as sneaking around is, I don’t want to risk it right now.”
I don’t even believe my own words. Being here, away from my brother and the office, is what made this easy. The trip ending won’t bring us back together. What if this really is the end?
Theo’s smile is as strained as mine. “Yeah.” His voice cracks. “We can wait until we’re home, and we’ll revisit the discussion.”
“Then it’s settled.” But my stomach isn’t. I’m going to be sick.
“Think you can keep your hands off me until then?”
I gasp and pull my hand away. “Of course I can. Canyou?”
“I can try.” He leans in—not enough to touch, just enough to tease. “No promises.”
Considering that earlier in the day, he was dragging me through the woods for a moment alone… yeah. I’m not sure how well this will work out. I’ll be the strong one—the one to put a wall between us, and I’m doing it all for him.
That doesn’t make it easy.
“I’ll miss you,” I whisper, looking away.
“Hey.” He turns my face back in his direction, his fingers pressed to my cheek. It’s hard to gaze into his eyes now that heartbreak reflects there. He may try to hide it, but I can see through him, like he can see through me. “You don’t need to miss me. I’m right here, just like I’ve always been.”
“I know.” The two simple words feel like a lie.
Every time we take a step closer, we take three more back. That’s how it feels, especially when his hand drops from my face, and he leans back into his chair.
“We’ll be okay,” he says. “One more week, then we’ll be home.”
