"How?" she mumbles, her mouth still trailing over my shaft.
"Because I'm supposed to be the one with control here." Even as I say it, I know how absurd it sounds. My control is crumbling. Not where she's concerned. "I'm supposed to be protecting you, not?—"
"Not what? Not letting me make my own choices?" She wraps her hand around me, stroking slowly, and my breath catches. "You said last night was about me. This morning is about you."
"Maeve—"
She runs her tongue over me again. “I want to taste you,” she whispers hoarsely. “I want you all over my face. I want what you wanted last night.”
Every rational thought flees. The thought of my cum marking her pretty face, her lips swollen from sucking me, has me seconds from coming whether I’m ready to or not. I let my head fall back, my fingers tangled in her hair, and when she wraps her lips around my cockhead again, I know there’s no stopping this.
This time I let myself feel it. Really feel it. The wet heat, the pressure, the way she's tentative but eager, learning as she goes. The fact that she's doing this for me, that I'm the first man she's touched like this, is almost too much to process. She catches me with her teeth once or twice, but I don’t fucking care. There’s nowhere else I want to be right now. The Council could burn to the fucking ground and I wouldn’t answer the phone while my wife has her mouth wrapped around my cock.
"That's it," I murmur, my hand gentle in her hair now, guiding rather than holding. "Just like that. You're doing so good, sweetheart."
She makes a pleased sound, and I feel it all the way to my spine. My other hand grips the edge of the couch, knuckles white, as I fight the urge to thrust into her mouth. I need to lether set the pace, even though every instinct I have is screaming at me to take over.
She’s clearly playing with me, trying different things—more suction, less suction, using her tongue, using her hand in combination with her mouth—and I give her feedback, small sounds of encouragement that seem to spur her on. I’d let her play all day if that meant I’d keep her mouth and tongue on me, if it meant I could keep watching her lips wrapped around my shaft. When she takes me deeper and gags slightly, I immediately pull her back.
"Easy," I say, my voice rough. "You don't have to take all of it. Just—fuck—just what you're comfortable with." I stroke her hair. “You’re not going to get all of me in your mouth,leannan. Not without a lot of practice.” AndChrist, all I can think right now is that for all my promises to myself, I’d let her practice any time she pleased.
She nods, and when she goes back down, she's more careful, but no less enthusiastic. The blowjob is sloppy and messy, and I’m so close that I know I won’t be able to hold back much longer.
"Maeve." Her name comes out as a warning. "I'm close. You should?—"
But she doesn't pull away. If anything, she doubles her efforts, and I realize with a jolt that she intends to finish this. To take everything I give her.
"Christ,leannan, you don't have to—" But it's too late. The orgasm crashes over me with an intensity that steals my breath, and I'm coming, my hand tight in her hair, her name a broken sound on my lips.
She doesn’t stop. I feel her throat convulse, sending a fresh spasm of pleasure through me at the sight of her swallowing my cum, and the sight of it spilling over her lips and dripping down her chin makes me wonder if I’m still going to be hard after this.It feels like every second of my orgasm is only making me want more, rather than relieving the lust.
When I'm finally done, trembling and spent, she releases me gently and sits back on her heels, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. For a long moment, we just stare at each other. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair mussed, and there's something almost shy in her expression now that it's over.
"Was that okay?" she asks quietly.
Okay?I sit up, my cock still hard and pressed against my abdomen as I reach for her, pulling her into my arms as I kiss her without caring that her mouth was full of my cum a moment ago. "That was... Christ, Maeve. That was perfect. You're perfect."
She burrows into me, and I can feel her smiling against my chest. We sit there in the growing morning light, neither of us speaking, and for a few minutes, I let myself pretend this is normal. That we're a normal couple, waking up together, sharing intimacy without all the complications and guilt and fear.
But reality crashes back in soon enough.
Because, I realize with startling clarity, I'm falling for her. Not just wanting her, not just feeling protective of her, but actually falling for her. And that terrifies me more than any fight I've ever been in, any job I've ever taken.
I don't know how to love someone. I've spent my entire adult life avoiding attachments, avoiding vulnerability, because I learned early that caring about someone just gives the universe ammunition to hurt you.
But Maeve... Maeve has slipped past every defense I have. She's wormed her way into the parts of me I thought were dead, and now I'm sitting here on my couch, holding her close, and all I can think is that I'm not capable of loving her the way she needs to be loved.
She deserves someone who knows how to be soft, how to be gentle, how to be good. I'm none of those things. I'm broken anddangerous and tainted by twenty-three years of violence. And the longer she stays with me, the more of that darkness will seep into her. I'll ruin her. It's inevitable.
Which means I need to finish this. Need to resolve the situation with Brennan, make sure she's safe, and then let her go. Give her the annulment I promised. Set her free.
Even if the thought of it makes me feel like someone's carved out my heart with a dull knife.
"I need to go out today," I say quietly, and I feel her stiffen against me.
"Brennan?" she whispers, and I nod.
"Yeah." I run my hand down her arm, wanting to feel the softness of her skin against my hand again. I want to take her to bed, spend all day showing her all the ways I could pleasure her, ending with her mouth on my cock again. But I can’t have that.
