"No way. I will not allow that to happen. You are not allowed to leave your home while I stay there with my kids."
"Olivia." His voice was soft, and it made her lift her head, meeting his eyes. His hand came out and touched her arm.
She was very aware of her breath, how it kind of stuttered in herlungs with each intake, and how her heart all of a sudden felt like it was running a race.
"Olivia. I don't want to make things weird between us. But you know how we were talking about God's timing, and how He arranges things perfectly?"
She nodded.
"I was thinking that maybe He did that for us. No pressure," he added quickly, as though he wanted to make sure that he wasn't insisting that she needed to do something that she wasn't feeling. She wanted to tell him he didn't need to worry about that. But she kept her mouth closed while he continued. "I find myself drawn to you. Thinking about you when you're not around. When I'm gone, my eyes seem to find you in whatever room we're in, and I want to watch you. I... I don't know exactly what that means, whether you feel anything too. But I want to be careful about my feelings. I think sometimes we get carried away with how we feel, and we run ahead of what God wants for us. But I suppose that's where I started. It feels like God might want something for us. At least that's the way it seems on my end."
She nodded. "I’ve thought that too. I have the same feelings where I have a tendency to want to watch you. But I would be a terrible choice for a pastor's wife. And I wouldn't want to play around with just dating for dating's sake."
"Same. There's no question that if I'm going to be interested in someone, it's going to lead to marriage, and that is going to happen quickly. I don’t want to date for years and years like we can’t make up our minds about what God’s will is. Or we're going to make a decision quickly that we're not right together. Because dating just for the sake of having someone to date and having it drag on while we’re all wishy-washy is not something that I want to have anything to do with."
"Me too." She couldn't believe he was admitting that or saying that. She wasn't sure she'd ever met a man who didn't want to try out the wares, so to speak.
"What does this mean?" she asked, knowing that the part of her that always needed to know where things were going, what was going to happen, was coming out.
He shook his head. "I don't know. I hadn't gotten any further than wanting to check and see if that might be something that you might be interested in."
"I'm definitely interested. But I agree with you that I don't want it to be based on feelings, or at least feelings alone. I want us to... if I'm going to be with someone, it's got to be following God's leading first, and I think that means making sure that we're on the same page. And you didn't address the fact that I would be a terrible pastor's wife."
"I disagree. You're great with people, you're patient with children, and you're good with them. Plus, you're a good cook. You did an excellent job of whatever needed to be done while we were all cooped up together. Plus, sometimes when I've talked to you, I thought to myself that you know the Bible as well or better than I do."
"Knowing it and living it are two different things."
"I don't live it perfectly. I certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to. And God doesn't expect us to. He knows we have a sin nature. Although, that doesn't give us license to sin. It just means that God knows that we're not going to be perfect. Otherwise we wouldn't need Jesus."
"True."
"How about we figure out what we're gonna do with your furnace, then we'll close things up here, turn the lights out, and we'll go over and I'll make a couple of cups of hot chocolate and we can sit down and maybe talk a little bit? Decide if both of us want to go in the same direction?" He smiled and then he said, "And maybe you can laugh a little, because every time you laugh, it just warms me from the inside out. I don't think that I could ever get tired of hearing that sound."
Maybe those weren't the most romantic words in the world, butif they weren't, Olivia couldn't think of anything that would make her heart swell or feel warmer, and make her want to move closer and be with someone. He loved her laugh? It was definitely a great start.
Chapter 22
"I put extra marshmallows in it for you," Mark said, handing Olivia a mug of hot chocolate before he sat down across from her in an armchair, where she sat on the couch.
"How do you know I love marshmallows?"
"I overheard you saying it to someone a day or two ago. I think you were talking about how it's too bad that we didn't have enough hot chocolate to serve everyone in the activity center."
"Oh yeah. I remember. You were listening?"
"I seem to have Spidey senses when you're around. If you're talking, I want to hear what you're saying. If you're doing something, I want to watch. If you're laughing, I just want to absorb it."
Maybe he was being too mushy, or maybe he was being too honest. But he wasn't saying anything that wasn't true.
"Wow. I had no idea."
"I don't want to overwhelm you. And if you don't want to talk to me, it's fine. But I know I need to do something before my emotions get too invested and I can't think logically."
"No, that makes total sense to me. I know that's not exactly romantic, but maybe the romance can come later."
"Definitely the romance should come later. I've always thought that as humans we have it backwards, which is so true about so many things. We should do the logical things first, making sure that the person that we're considering spending the rest of our lives with doesn't believe in divorce, keeps her word, is committed to a godly marriage the way God intended, and so many more things. Instead, we run around looking for someone who looks good and who makes us feel good, and then we get married and we wonder why things fall apart." He paused, then he said, "But those marriages can still work. Sometimes, especially if both people are committed to them. But sometimes, one person just can't hold everything together, you know?"
She nodded. "I agree with you. It makes so much more sense the other way."
