"And then, once people are married, there should be romance in their lives. It's not the sparkly, emotional, feel-good, hormonal, teenage type romance, but the kind of romance where you're constantly wanting to spend time with each other and date and talk and do fun things together. Little surprises, gifts, figuring out your love languages—all of those good things."
"I have to say that makes a lot of sense. I don't know that I've thought about it as deeply as you obviously have."
"As a pastor, I have to counsel couples, so I’ve thought about it. But also, I knew that I couldn't be dating ladies and breaking up with them, and just trying out people until I find someone who seems to fit me. And I fit her. Which seems to be how the American courting rituals are going now."
"True. I suppose you really did have to think about it for your job." She touched the rim of her mug, but didn't take a sip. "I have to be careful because of my boys. My job as a mom is to protect them. I have to watch who I bring into their lives, and, like you, I don't want to have a revolving door of men. Plus, I don't want to get involved with someone only to find out he's a jerk, andhave him hurt my kids."
Mark nodded, thinking how amazing it was that she wasn't focused on herself, or either getting what she wanted, what she thought she deserved, or getting hurt by someone who wasn't a good person. Thoughts of herself hadn't even seemed to enter her mind. Her focus was all about doing the right thing for her boys.
"But I want to do what God wants me to do too. And I don't want to be afraid to move forward, if I'm sure that it's what God wants."
"Exactly. I've been praying about it a good bit. That's part of the reason why I wasn't afraid to say something. Because it seems to me that God has moved, arranging things so that you and I have been together. I don't believe in coincidences."
"I don't either."
He nodded, glad they were on the same page for that.
"Thank you for being willing to talk. I guess... I suppose that's a point in your favor, if we're keeping score, which I wasn't. I just really appreciate a man who is willing to sit down and discuss it, and doesn't just want to kiss and see if we're compatible physically."
He blinked. He wasn't expecting that kind of straight talk from her. "I guess that's true. Men do have a tendency to focus on that. But that's not the most important thing in a marriage, although... it's not unimportant."
To his relief, she nodded. "I agree. I think maybe especially to men. Not that it's not important to women either, it's just I think women have a tendency to be concerned about other things, like can he provide for me, will he protect me, is he going to turn out to be a jerk after he's decided that he's caught me and there's no chase for him anymore."
"Well, hopefully I don't turn out to be a jerk, but I think enough people know me that you can get some references if you want."
She gave a small smile. "I'm sorry. You're right. Your reputation in town is not that of a jerk. I guess... I just know so many people who thought they were marrying a good person, because he put on a good show, but after they were married, it's like he didn't really needto put the effort in anymore, and he turned into something she didn't sign up for."
"The reverse can be true as well.”
She nodded.
“I hope that every day, every week, every month or whatever, as I live, I become a better person, not worse. And I do think that it's important, more than anything, to put your family first. I know more than one pastor who has lost his wife and children because he put his whole heart and soul into the ministry. And that's a good thing. After all, a pastor is doing God's work. But a pastor is still supposed to put his family first. Before the church, before the flock, before everything except his relationship with God. Family comes first."
It seemed like his words reassured her. He wasn't just saying them either. He believed that.
"I think I might appreciate family a little more than most people because I don't have any. My parents passed away, and I don't have any siblings. So many times I wish that there were lights on when I came home. You don't know how nice it's been the last couple of days to have you in the kitchen, humming a little, chatting with the boys, having them laugh and play and just feeling like I'm not alone in the world. You know?"
"Yeah. I guess sometimes I'm the opposite. I’d just like to have a little peace and quiet once in a while."
"That would be a benefit of having a husband, hopefully. Even if it's not me, your husband would take on some responsibility for the kids, and give you a little bit of time to yourself. It shouldn't be on your shoulders all the time."
"No. But I was thinking about what you had said about God giving us the ability to handle whatever He's put in front of us. As long as we're depending on Him. He's not going to give me a trial that He isn't expecting me to grow and become closer to Him through. And that's really where my focus needs to be. Not on the hardships of life, but on the person that I'm becoming because of it, and the relationship I have with Jesus."
"The pastor that I used to sit under used to say that when battles come, instead of looking at the enemy, you turn your eyes to Jesus. Expecting Him to fight for you, while you keep your eyes on Him."
"So just stand still and do nothing?"
"Well, there were a lot of times in the Bible God commanded his people to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord this day. And I do think that sometimes all we need to do is just keep being like Jesus, and God takes care of things. But no, I don't believe that we're not supposed to do anything. Most of the time, God wants us to do something. After all, how are we supposed to learn anything if we just stand around, and God does it all for us? It's kind of like a parent who never lets their child do anything, but does everything for them. Their kid never learns. Doesn't grow up, and they might be legally an adult, but they're technically still a baby, because they can't wash their own clothes, cook their own meals, or take care of themselves at all. It's sad, really."
"I agree that parents shouldn't do everything. And I do agree that a lot of times it's the mom who is the one wanting to baby their children far beyond when they should be."
"Well, I won't disagree with you, but a lot of times men allow their wives to dictate what's going to happen, and it's to the detriment of the children."
"I think that's because a lot of times relationships are unbalanced, and not biblical anymore. The woman is in charge, and the man has given up his natural authority, because he's scared that his wife is going to get mad at him, or do whatever, and so he just lets her do whatever she wants, and she ends up in control of the house."
"So you agree that the biblical directions for a home are correct?"
"I agree that God has a plan, including a plan for the home, and while we think we're modern, we think we know better than God, I disagree. I've never been successful when I ditched what God says and tried to do it my own way. I don't know why I would think for one second that His way wouldn't be best in this area, when it's bestin every other area. After all, if I decide not to listen to God in this area, what else about the Bible am I gonna decide I don't agree with? And then, I'm putting myself ahead of God and saying that I know better, when nothing could be further from the truth. And the older I get, the more truth I see in that."
