“Neither do I.” He hesitated. “Maybe I do. I regret I can’t be the man you need.”
With that, he kissed her one last time, collected his clothes and left.
Though she tried not to, she cried herself to sleep.
Chapter Twelve
As theDoreenbarely moved through the waves of the Irish Sea, Farah found herself drawn to the deck, the salty air filling her senses. Rockwell, his commanding presence near the helm, oversaw the ship with practiced ease, his eyes occasionally flickering towards her, and she wished she understood what he was thinking.
He’d been very clear on his views last night and so had she. She stood watching him interact with the captain and his sailors. Rockwell belonged on this ship. Farah could see that. It was as if a sailor’s life was in his blood. She understood that now. Having never seen him on board a ship before this trip, she hadn’t realized what she was asking him to give up.
She stood gazing out to sea. Lost in thought, she felt a warm presence beside her. Lord Furoe approached, his daughter trailing behind him. “The sea is quite captivating, is it not, especially when it’s so calm?” he remarked, his gaze lingering on her face. “It may be a longer journey home than expected with the wind so light.”
“You must be impatient to get home. We have barely made it across the Irish Sea.”
Just then, Rockwell joined them. “I think we should dock at Holyhead. The weather is going to be calm for several days, so the captain says, and I concur. It means a trip overland, but I still feel we’ll get to London sooner.”
“How long will it take?” Lucien asked.
“Roughly five days.”
Farah sighed. “The same time it would take to sail if we had wind.”
Rockwell turned to his friend. “You decide. We can continue to sit becalmed with a growing number of ships or we can dock at Holyhead and go overland.”
“What do you think, Lady Farah?” Lucien asked.
She smiled up at him. It was so nice of him to include her. “It would be more comfortable on the ship. Ava-Marie could run around. But selfishly, I want to get home as soon as I can. The longer I’m out of circulation, the more questions might be asked, and Lord Franklin is a determined man.”
“Who’s Lord Franklin?” Lucien asked.
Rockwell looked at her and then said, “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you over a coffee, after I tell the captain to change course. Then I’ll tell you how Farah came to be on my ship.”
Farah crouched down to tickle Ava-Marie under her chin. “And you and I can play a little game.”
The little girl giggled. “Can we play hide and seek like I used to do in the graveyard?”
“What a good idea. Shall we ask Caitria to play with us?”
“Oh, yes. Come on.” Ava-Marie held her hand out.
As Farah took the tiny, outstretched hand, a pain stabbed deep in her stomach. If she remained a spinster, she would never know the feeling of holding her babe in her arms. And God forgive her, when she looked at Ava-Marie’s innocent, laughing face, she had the strongest longing for a child. Suddenly, causing a scandal and fleeing to Cornwall to become a spinster no longer seemed the ideal answer to her problems.
Would that deny her the chance to marry and have children?
As she and Ava-Marie walked toward the galley to find Caitria, she watched the two men walking away. One tall anddark, the other brown-haired and tall and broad. Both had offered her marriage, but only one of them could hurt her. Or if she were brave, one of them could turn her life into something wonderful…if she was daring enough to try. Was she? Ava-Marie squeezed her hand and in that moment, her frustration with herself reached its peak.
She thought of everything Tiffany had done. Throwing caution to the wind, investing her money to make a better life, regardless of society’s dictates. Then facing a man like Sprat and being brave when he’d kidnapped her. She’d managed to escape on her own.
Then there was Ashley who stuck her nose up to those who judged her because of some scandal. She still enjoyed her life and lived it to the fullest with wonderful friends and family at her side.
She was part of the sisterhood and she was strong with them at her back.
This adventure was just what she’d needed. She’d had to face the fact that her situation was of her own making. She’d been a coward, and she had to learn how to stand up to her brother and the world to get what she wanted out of her life. This time, she’d tell Lord Franklin to go to hell. In fact, she couldn’t wait to see his face.
Soon she was skipping across the deck as if the weight of the world had lifted off her shoulders.
*
