“He’s a ten,but you’re his boss.” Penny glances at me.
“Fine. That could be four people over the last four years, and I didn’t agree to play this game.”
Penny swivels in her seat to face me. “In the last ten years, have you dated anyone outside of basketball or the LA Sharks, for that matter?”
“Ah… that would be a no.”
“It’s a big ocean, and you’re fishing in a puddle.”
“Lucky I’m not fishing. The few men I did date for a few months were a convenience. I don’t have time to go out and enjoy a social life unless it’s centered around the team and corporate events. Most of the men I meet remind me of my brothers, so it’s a big fatnofrom me.”
“Why was BJ different? And we know you were trying to fill a void by dating other people to forget him. Surely, he reminded you of Byron?”
“Far from it. While he and Byron were best friends, he still had a sense of humor I loved. It was more hisit’ll-be-all-right-mateattitude that attracted me to him and equallyfrustrated me. He didn’t care what others thought except for Byron, and we all know how that story ended.” I take my wine glass and drain the contents. “Talking about BJ is ruining my day, so move on to something else. No more penis talk or I’ll be needing Lucifer tonight.”
“Your vibrator?”
I nod. “The latest model and worth every cent.”
“Do you give your vibrator a name?” Penny asks Zara.
Zara rolls her eyes. “Every girl names her vibrator.”
“Not when you don’t have one.”
We stare at Penny.
“We’re not having this conversation.” I pour more wine into my glass. “I don’t need to know why and definitely don’t want to hear how my brother pleasures you.” I gulp down a few mouthfuls.
“Good, because I want to double back and ask a serious question. No more joking around because I care about you.” Penny is staring at me as though I’m about to cry.
I shrug. “Sure. Fire away.”
“Have you spoken to BJ since he’s been back?”
Ugh.“Do we have to go there?”
Zara reaches and squeezes my arm. “You can’t blame us for being curious. All jokes aside, we know how much he hurt you, and now he’s back, well, you don’t look sad about it.”
“I was fucking furious at first. My moods change from anger to denial, bargaining, to being depressed, and now I’m simply trying to accept it.”
“The five stages of grief…” Penny says concerned.
“Yep. He was dead to me for years, so I went through the loss of losing someone I loved, and then when dickwad Walter started the process of the trade, I felt every emotion again, all in a matter of weeks. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. One minute, I think I’ll beokay. The next, I’m confused and wish like hell I’d never met him.”
“And now?” Zara refills my glass.
“And now…” I sigh loudly. “Well, we’ve already kissed.”
“You have?” they both say in tune.
“Whenever he’s close, I can’t fight the urge to push him away. My whole body calls for him like we’re bonded, if you know what I mean. But if we were, then he would never have left. He would have fought for me.”
“Has he told you he is sorry?” Zara asks.
“Yes, many times. Unfortunately, it hasn’t taken the pain away, and I want him to hurt like I did. But Mom reminds me that weak people get revenge, strong people forgive, and intelligent people ignore.” I roll my eyes. “So why do I feel satisfied knowing I’m hurting him because he never knew how my heart shattered into tiny pieces the day he walked out of my life?”
“I think he knows.” Zara shrugs.
