Rupert gave his cousin, Viscount Howerton, a wry smile. “How can you tell?”
Lord Howerton chuckled, taking a step away from Rupert and the conversation itself. “I think I shall take my leave and go to find my brother.”
“We shall have dinner soon, all of us,” Rupert promised, aware that, as yet, he and Lord Preston had not enjoyed the company of his three cousins here in London. It had been a surprise to find Lord Howerton present here in Hyde Park. However, the explanation was simple enough: Lord Howertonhad come not only to chaperone his sister, Miss Emma Gladstone, but also to encourage his younger brother to find a suitable match. “I will send an invitation very soon.”
“We can discuss horses,” Lord Howerton said, as Rupert grinned. “I look forward to the invitation, cousin.”
Reminding himself to arrange that just as soon as he could, Rupert watched Lord Howerton as he walked away, turning his head just a fraction to look over at the others present in Hyde Park. The fashionable hour was not at all to his liking, and he still did not have any interest in lingering here, but his brother had insisted. Again, there came that inward battle between responsibility and inclination, and wearied as he was of fighting it, Rupert set himself against the desire to return home. He had a duty to marry and to produce an heir, just as his brother did. With the higher title, his duty sat all the heavier on his shoulders.
And I do not have to love her, whoever she may be,he reminded himself firmly.It can be a practical match, that is all.Given what he had felt for Lady Eleanor, Rupert did not expect to ever have such an affection for any other lady again in his life.
“Yes, I think that particular breed is exceptional, although they can be a little stubborn.”
Lord Chamberlain sighed. “Alas, I fear that their price is a little too high for someone such as myself. My investments have not been… successful this year.”
Disengaging himself from the conversation for the second time, Rupert glanced around the room again – only for his eyes to catch on a familiar face.
His heart exploded, sending pain shooting through every limb. Rupert could not look away from her, seeing her gazing back at him, but with eyes that no longer held any sort of affection for him. Instead, there was a coldness there, one that swept right through him and chilled his skin. He could not move,his feet weighted, but a weakness in him that he could not shake. She was just as beautiful as he remembered her to be, her dark brown curls framing her face, a face he had beheld with such affection for so long. Now, however, there was nothing between them. The affection they had shared, the happiness he had hoped would be theirs, was gone now… and it was all his own fault.
Shame tore into him, and heat billowed in his chest. Suddenly, he was able to move, spinning on his heel so he turned his back to her completely. Breathing hard, he looked down at the floor, catching the concerned look from his brother but ignoring it, praying that Preston’s conversation would go on without interruption so he could have time to recover his composure.
That is what I am to do, then? Ignore her?
The humiliation he felt threw itself over him again, and Rupert winced, closing his eyes tightly as he fought to steady his breathing. He could not ignore her, he knew that, but nor could he simply pretend that all was well between them!
You have not been introduced, as far as anyone else knows.
A thought struck him and, standing tall now, Rupert blinked rapidly, relief beginning to catch a hold of him. If they were not formally introduced in the eyes of thetonthen there was no need for him to speak with her or even be in her company! All he had to do was make certain to stay away from her, despite the fact that his heart still begged for him to go to her.
“Are you quite all right, brother?”
“It is just the sun,” Rupert replied, with a forced smile. “It is very hot this afternoon, is it not?”
“It is, it is, I quite agree,” Lord Chamberlain said, gravely. “You have gone a little pale, Lord Finchley. Are you feeling quite well?”
“I think a return to my carriage would suit me very well,” Rupert replied, relieved that there was now a way for him to escape. “Do excuse me.”
Preston sent him a sharp look, but Rupert only nodded, silently confirming to his brother that he was quite able to look after himself at present. Making his way directly back towards the carriage, Rupert did not step inside but rather walked past it, away from the crowd of guests and towards a few trees that offered him both shade and distance. Still feeling a sense of weakness in his frame, he leaned against one of the large trees and closed his eyes, willing strength to return to him. This was not what he had expected to feel when he saw her again. Yes, he had thought that he might be a little overwhelmed and certainly, that he would have that sense of regret deep within him again, but this? This was… more than just regret. This was a deep and angry sorrow that ripped a hole in his chest and tore out his heart. He was angry with himself for what he had done, filled with remorse over his separation from her, and now, there was nothing but darkness in him.
A darkness he feared he would never be able to step away from.
“Good evening,Lord Finchley! A delight to have you join us here this evening. And to you also, Lord Preston!”
Rupert bowed. “Thank you for your invitation, Lord and Lady Dartmoor. Your ball is, I am told, one of the most anticipated of the Season.”
Lady Dartmoor’s eyes gleamed as Rupert bent over her hand. “How very gracious of you to say, Lord Finchley. I cannot saythat I have heard such a thing myself, but no doubt, you are quite right.”
Rupert smiled and then stepped away, leaving his brother to say a few things before he took his leave of them. Walking together into the ballroom, Rupert let out a heavy sigh, and Lord Preston, stopping, grasped his arm and took him to one side of the room. A little surprised at the dark frown on Preston’s face, Rupert shook off his brother’s hard grip and grimaced. “Whatever is the matter?”
“Might I not ask that of you?” With a frustrated breath escaping him, Lord Preston shook his head. “You may not be aware, brother, but you give the distinct impression that you do not want to be here in London. I will admit that I had to persuade you, but you yourself stated that you saw the responsibility required of you and desired to come!”
“Yes, I am well aware of that.”
“So why do you appear so downhearted?” Preston wanted to know. “You have been melancholy and disinterested in every moment! And this when the concern and the difficulty has been dealt with and is now far behind us!”
Rupert swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. He had not wanted nor intended to share anything about Eleanor with his brother, but now, it seemed, he had no choice. “You must not tell a soul what I am to say to you.”
Lord Preston’s eyebrows lifted, but he nodded. “You know that you can trust me.”
