“You have not, and your firmness is appreciated,” Rupert answered, as his brother smiled. “You are quite right. I shall return home this evening after the ball and begin my letter.” His stomach dipped, but he ignored it. “I will tell her what I have to, but nothing more… and pray that, somehow, it might bring her a little relief.”
5
“Aletter for you, my lady.”
Eleanor took it from her lady’s maid, who then returned to brushing Eleanor’s long brown hair. She did not recognize the handwriting on the front, nor the seal, but breaking it, she opened it out and began to read.
Her heart stopped suddenly.
“Take your leave for a moment.” Her voice was rasping, but her maid did as Eleanor requested without a word of complaint, leaving her quite alone in her room.
“My dear Eleanor,” she said aloud, looking down to the very bottom of the letter. Lord Finchley had signed his name clearly enough, but to begin his letter with such words spoke to her heart.
I cannot let it affect me,she told herself, sitting up straight as she returned to the beginning of the letter.Whatever this is, I cannot and will not let my heart feel warm towards him again.
All the same, as she began to read, tingles ran up and down her arms and made their way towards her heart. Licking her lips, Eleanor tried to calm her frantic heartbeat, but it was to no avail.This was the first time she had heard from Lord Finchley since the last time they had stood together in the woods.
‘My dear Eleanor, the only thing I can express to you is deep regret. I did not behave as I ought to have done in stepping away from you without explanation. I cannot beg you for your forgiveness, for it is not something I deserve. What I did was cruel and unfeeling, and I am sure that it caused you great pain. Please know that I was doing my best to protect you, though I see now that I should never have stepped away without some sort of explanation. Again, I am truly sorry for the pain and the sorrow I caused you and wish you success as you enjoy the remainder of the Season.’
Whilst the letter was well written, it took Eleanor three attempts to read it through since her eyes continued to fill with tears every time she tried to read more than two lines. Relief puddled in her core. He hadnotdeceived her, then. The reason for his absence, from his pulling away, had not been given to her in its entirety, but it seemed to Eleanor’s mind that he had thought to be doing the best thing for her.
“Do I believe that?” she murmured aloud, tilting her head and looking down at the letter again. For the last few months, she had thought the very worst of not only the situation but of Lord Finchleyandof herself. She had believed that he had been cruel towards her, that he had been laughing at her naivety and had sought to take as much affection from her as he could, only to then discard her when it pleased him. Now, however, she was being told something entirely different, and with it came a deep and sincere apology.
Why else would he have written this letter, if it was not for the fact that he wanted her to see it?
A rogue or a scoundrel would not have written such a letter. Nor would they have given her any sort of consideration, and most certainly would not have apologized! Could it be, then,that he was not as she had feared? That he had a genuine reason for leaving her, for not pursuing their courtship as he had promised?
“Protecting me?” she murmured, reading the letter for a fourth time. “Protecting me from what?”
“Eleanor?”
Her head lifted, hearing her father’s voice. “Yes, Father?”
“Your aunt and cousin have arrived. You recall we were to break our fast together this morning?”
“Yes, of course. I will be downstairs momentarily.” Eleanor folded up the letter quickly and, getting to her feet, placed it under her pillow on her bed. It certainly required a good deal more consideration, for if she believed that what he had said was true, that hehadbeen protecting her, then did she dare pursue it further? Dare she go to him to find out the truth, or ought she to continue to keep her distance and admit to herself that everything between them was well and truly over?
“You look a little… thoughtful, my dear.”
Eleanor glanced at her aunt. “I apologize, I am not in the best of spirits today.”
“No?”
Sighing, Eleanor looked out of the window as the carriage took them all to the milliners. “My thoughts are somewhat confused, I confess it.”
“Because of Lord Finchley?” Catherine asked, as Eleanor nodded. “I thought you did very well when you first saw him. You did not give him the cut direct but held his gaze, and it washewho looked away first. That speaks a great deal about your courage and strength of spirit.”
“I thank you, cousin.” Eleanor smiled at her and then looked out of the window again. “I – I received a letter from him.”
A swift gasp from her cousin was the only response, her aunt remaining silent and steady.
“What I thought was not the truth,” Eleanor continued, as the carriage rattled on. “I believed that he had only been teasing me, that he had been toying with my affections and did not truly mean a single thing when it came to courtship and marriage. Whilst I was glad that he did not press me further into my affection and did not take advantage of me, I believed him a scoundrel.”
“And that is not what he says?”
Eleanor shook her head, glancing at her aunt and then at her cousin, seeing the concern in both of their expressions. “He stated that he was protecting me as best he could and says, in more than a few words, just how wrong he was to depart without explanation. I believe he truly feels deep regret.”
Silence followed her remarks, and Eleanor let out a slow breath, waiting for her aunt or cousin to say something – but nothing came. Lady Cumbria turned her head to the window, her frown remaining, while Catherine took Eleanor’s hand and pressed it, but still said nothing.
