Etta kept herself busy for the rest of the night. When she wasn’t on the phone, she was writing emails and making copies in her office. Jamie tried to open dialogue more than once, but Etta was so absorbed that the only way to get through to her was by jumping her bones.That would send the wrong message.
On the other hand, it might get her to relax enough to listen. Would it be better to tell her after they had sex?Sigh.
Etta had the nerve to take a shower without inviting Jamie. She stewed in the bedroom, going over what she would say even more, editing things here and there to the point she sounded like a robot.“Ms. Etta Coleman. I have cancer. Please do not throw me out. Thank you.”Jamie plucked her cat off the bedroom floor and gave her an unwelcomed squeeze to soothe the soul. The moment Etta popped out of the bathroom, looking for sweats and a shirt to wear to bed, Jamie dropped the cat and…
Ran into the bathroom. She had lost her nerve.
This is why I needed to tell her earlier!Jamie knew this would happen. She knew she would make a fool of herself. Jamie undressed and used what hot water there was left right after Etta’s long shower.
The moment she cracked open the bathroom door after her shower, she heard Etta on the phone. Again.
Something welled in the corner of her eyes. Jamie refused to cry.
She still couldn’t think of it as a death sentence. Okay, she could think cancer. Cancer was medical. It was logical. It had steps to take to ensure being cured. Aftermath, though? That was a whole different galaxy. Theimplicationswere emotional and impractical.I could be fucked up for the rest of my life.As for the infertility, Jamie finally realized why that made her lose her shit.
What if I want to be a mom one day?Jamie had never thought that far ahead. When she got with Etta, she was still in her mid-20s and figuring things out. And while Etta had said nothing committal about having their own kids, Jamie knew one thing – Ettawasinfertile and wouldn’t have wanted to ever be pregnant. Until that moment, Jamie could have said the same thing about herself.
Wasn’t it something, how feelings changed once a choice was ripped from one’s grasp?
“Fuck,” she sighed. How did one tell her girlfriend that she might have cancer? At this rate, she would have to send smoke signals. Or a text. The only way to communicate with Etta Coleman was to get into her phone, herrealmistress.
Jamie was resigned to waiting another day. Maybe they could have sex. It had been a while since they really went for it. Jamie threw on her baggiest T-shirt and shortest shorts. This was her personal hell.Watch it hurt again. That’s my favorite symptom so far…
Etta hung up. “That’s it. Phone is off.” She tossed it onto the nightstand beside her. “Do me the honor of coming over here, my flower. I haven’t taken care of you in a long time.”
Jamie went, but she wasn’t cheery – and she should have been.I should be happy she wants to spoil me now.
“You okay?”
Jamie stood beside the bed, taking in the sight of her girlfriend, who looked like an average woman in her cotton and polyester. But she wasn’t an average woman. She was Etta Coleman, one of the richest women in the country, and liable to implode her company if she didn’t pick the right partner. Not to mention imploding herself…
Those things welling in the corners of Jamie’s eyes? Yeah, they burst now.
“Jamie!” Etta jerked up, grabbing her arms as she shook her off to wipeaway the tears. “What’s wrong?”
She tried to tell her, but every time the words attempted to come, she sobbed harder, salt and tears and God knew what else cascading from every orifice.
Etta tried to get her to calm down, but her soothing voice did not help. She was a reminder of what was happening. The changes coming. Something neither of them could have prepared for, let alone expect.
“Etta…” She gagged on her girlfriend’s name, but only because she looked her straight in the eye. This was not how she wanted to earn Etta’s undivided attention! “I have cancer!”
She hyperventilated to the point Barbarossa shot out from beneath the bed and yowled at the door to be let out of crazy town, populationJamie.
“What?” That was all Etta said, her grip falling from Jamie. “What?”
Jamie was about to explode. “Cancer! I think I have it!”
Finally, quiet settled in the room. Etta had already been silent. Jamie stopped crying so loudly. Barbarossa halted her yowling and instead flopped in front of the door, tail bouncing in irritation.
“Why?” Here it came. “What makes you think you havecancer?”
Jamie thought those words would be laced with anger. Disbelief.Poison. Instead, Jamie heard something she never expected: fear. She looked down, finding her usually put-together girlfriend – the rational one between the two of them – paling in fear.No. No, don’t do this to me. Don’t get scared. I need you to be the solid one here, Etta.
“The doctor put it in my head. Then my friend… she reminded me that some nasty cancers run in my family. My symptoms… Etta, I’ve got some of the symptoms for some of the rudest cancers I can think of!”
They were quiet again. Jamie already flinching in preparation for being told she was stupid.
It never came.
