“Until he learns I’m the one who pulled the sword from the stone,” I replied flatly. “Then I become a threat. Just like Arthur is.”
“Who says he ever needs to know?” Merlin countered. “Only you, Nimue, and Arthur know that truth—and I assure you, Arthur won’t tell anyone.”
Well, Elenora knew as well. But I wasn't about to tell Merlin about her—not when she had opened the idea in my mind of forging my own way, of refusing to be a pawn to Merlin or to Arthur. No, Elenora would remain my secret for the time being, until I figured out whether or not I could trust her, whether or not she truly was an ally.
“And Nimue?” I asked. "Will she tell Arthur the truth?"
"Nimue is your mother," Merlin started, but I interrupted him.
"Obviously, familial ties mean nothing!"
“Nimue would not endanger you."
"Then what is her goal in all of this?"
"She’s waiting,” Merlin responded. “For you to claim what’s yours and take the sword.”
“I can’t think about that right now,” I said. The noose was so tight around my neck at the moment that the only thing I could consider was how to remove it. Ex-Fucking-Calibur was the last of my worries.
Merlin’s tone cooled. Calculating. Familiar. “Then don’t. But understand this, Guinevere: you’re safer than you think—as long as you don’t provoke Kay. Do what he asks. Earn yourself time.”
The bile rose in my throat.Merlin has no idea what he's asking me to do.
Or maybe he does.
“Kay has always followed his own self-interest,” Merlin continued. “If keeping your secret benefits him more than exposing it does, he’ll keep it.”
"And what if he learns I'm your spy?"
Merlin cocked his head to the side as he considered it. "Perhaps that would only help you."
"How?"
"Because Kay knows how powerful I am. And he would only accept an ally who is as powerful or more powerful than he himself is. I believe that truth would strengthen your association with Kay."
"Then I should tell him?"
"No. Allow him to work it out for himself. For the time being, just sit still. Allow him to call the shots so we can figure out what his angle is. Allow him to believe you are under his power.Meanwhile, we can plan—we can work out a way to use him to our benefit."
I dipped my fingers into the basin, watching the ripples distort my reflection, and I wondered what choice I should make. I didn't have to remain here. I didn't have to listen to Merlin. I could escape.
But where would I go? I couldn't remain in Logres because word would spread that a knight had left the Shadow Trials under conspicuous circumstances. Right—there would be a manhunt ordered in no time at all. What was more, Kay would definitely tell Arthur my secret then. Because at that point, I would be useless to him.
Yes, it crossed my mind that I could simply employ a clever disguise while I attempted to elude capture, but was that truly the kind of future I desired? A life spent perpetually in hiding, masquerading under a different identity every time I turned a corner? The very notion of slipping into new personas at every opportunity filled me with a profound sense of dread. I envisioned myself constantly looking over my shoulder, never able to trust the faces I encountered, always wondering if revealing my true self would lead to betrayal.
What was more—I couldn't return to Annwyn if I disobeyed Merlin. I was more than sure he wouldn't allow me.
“How much time do I have?” I asked quietly.
“More than you realize." And there it was again—that glint in his eyes. Ambition. “Stay close to Arthur. Complete your trials. Earn your place as a knight of the Round Table. Once inside, you’ll gain access to what I need."
"And what do you need?" I nearly spat the words at him.
"I need to know which of the knights make it through, then troop movements, war plans, names of those still loyal to the old ways." He paused. "Kay could become an ally, Guinevere."
I swallowed hard. "Kay is only after his own self-interests."
"Yes, but at the moment, those interests align with our own." He paused to clear his throat. "Kay won’t reveal your secret unless you give him reason to.” He leaned closer to the basin. “This could work in our favor, Guinevere.”
