“No, you’re right. And I hate that you’re right because it took you coming and leaving before we understood so much of what you were trying to tell us.”
I folded my arms. “You do?”
She nodded. “We got rid of Jade’s nanny. Now it’s just us.” She gave me a sad smile. “I’m trying. I really am. It’s not easy, but…just please don’t make me tell your sister that you won’t come see her sing. It’ll break her heart.”
I took a deep breath. The talent show wasn’t the issue. The issue was what neither of us had said aloud. If the talent show was at the school, Jessie was sure to be there and from what my mother had said before, was definitely involved. And if Jessie was involved, there was a ridiculously good chance I would have to see her face-to-face during some point that night.
I glanced over at Jade where she sat now, crunching away at her cereal. Her eyes were welded to me, and I couldn’t help cracking a smile.
“Of course, I’ll go, Geode.”
There was no way I was missing my little sister’s talent show for sleep…or to avoid the woman I’d thought I loved. Jessie would just have to accept that I was coming, and that would be the end of that.
Before we could say anything else, though, the doorbell buzzed.
“I’ll get it.” I put my empty bowl in the sink and went to the front door. When I saw who it was, I nearly dropped my coffee.
“Hi, Derrick.” Amy tucked a dark lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s good to see you.”
* * *
I glanced back to make sure no one had heard me, then closed the door and moved out onto the porch for some privacy. Then I turned to the woman who, at one point, had been my future.
“What…um.” I scrunched my eyes closed and rubbed them. I needed about three days of sleep and a fourteen-hour mental time adjustment to deal with this kind of stuff. When I opened my eyes again, she was still there, all five feet and eight inches of her, dark hair up in a ponytail, smeared mascara beneath her eyes, and dressed in a t-shirt and jeans.
When was the last time I’d seen her in anything but work clothes? This was the Amy I had come to know and love. Before she was the high powered attorney and constantly wore pantsuits. Back when she was just…Amy.
She turned her face down to the ground, though I saw her continue to sneak glances up at me as she spoke, her blue eyes bewitching beneath those long lashes. “I called your mom and asked when you were getting home,” she said. Then she took a deep breath. “And I had to come.”
“Okay?” It probably wasn’t the politest way to talk to someone who had just flown halfway across the country for me, but I wasn’t in a particularly gracious mood when it came to women I wasn’t related to at that moment.
She sighed. “I don’t know how to say this. I’ve been trying for months, and you’d think being a lawyer would give me words…” She chuckled dryly. “But it doesn’t.”
“Amy, you’re not—”
“I miss you, Derrick. Giving you up was stupid, and I was being petty. And if I’m honest, I was more than a little jealous. I was just sure Jade’s nanny was doing her best to seduce you, and you were going right along with it. And Jade was just your excuse.”
“Shows you how much you really know about me now, doesn’t it?”
“Would you just listen?” She huffed. “After you were gone, I realized my world felt really empty without you. I missed calling and texting you first thing in the morning. All those bridal magazines my mom had bought for me seemed to mock me from my coffee table. I nearly bought a ticket to go see you back in September, but your mom said you were deploying, and I was too late.”
I rubbed my eyes and slid down into one of my mom’s cushy white porch chairs. “Amy, I appreciate the thought, but I don’t see what any of this changes. We just want different things.”
“I’ve been thinking about that,” she said softly. “And I…I’m ready to make some changes.”
“How so?”
This time, she didn’t look away. “I know you love your sister. And the more I think about it, the more I want to love her, too. You were right. She deserves that.” She took a deep, shuddery breath. “And if you’d just give us one more chance, I think life could be even more than we wanted it to be. Imagine it. The three of us, going on adventures, hiking.” She paused. “I’d even quit my job. We could get married quietly if you want. No big celebration or expensive cake. Just us and our closest family and friends. I just…I want to be with you. And why it took you flying halfway across the world for me to see that, I’ll never know. But I do know that I was wrong, and there’s little more to tell.” She put her hands in her pockets and shrugged. “So…what do you say?”
I swallowed and ran my hand through my hair. This was it. I was being offered everything I’d ever dreamed about since I was old enough to want a family of my own. A beautiful, supportive wife. The ability to take care of my sister, should the need arise. She was even offering to forego the ridiculously expensive ceremony she’d gone on about for months and just settle for…me. It was everything I’d ever wanted.
But as I tried to imagine us walking the Grand Canyon trails with Jade or going shopping or spending a day at the farmer’s market, it wasn’t Amy’s face I saw in my imagination, with her dark hair and alluring eyes. Instead, I saw a little pixie face framed by short golden-brown hair, her hands enveloping smaller ones as she coached Jade on how to lift her feet the right way when climbing steps. And no matter how hard I tried to see Amy, all I saw was Jessie.
But at the memory of her pixie face, my heart hardened. You know what? If I was going to have to face her tonight, where she was probably dating that stupid teacher, then I wasn’t going to leave myself vulnerable.
“Derrick?” Amy’s voice wavered.
If only closing that painful chapter could close on all the rest. But it didn’t. Because Jessie had dug her grips into my heart better than eagle talons on prey, and it would take an act of God to get them out. And I couldn’t do a stinking thing about it. Except maybe protect myself tonight.
