No, I was thinking about how this might be a new beginning. And even if it didn’t work out with Sam, it was a new start for me.
My musings were interrupted by the buzz of my phone. I found a text from Mrs. Allen, and my heart sank like a rock.
Jade’s nanny says Jade had her tryout for that choir today.
Shoot. Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. I laid my head on the table in shame. Jade’s big tryout. I’d talked to the mother in charge of the tryouts and convinced her to give Jade a chance, picked Jade’s song, worked with her all summer, and built her hopes up. And I hadn’t even remembered to be there.
I slowly lifted my head again and glared at my coffee as someone stopped beside me and turned around.
“Jessie?”
“Kim!” I stood and reached out for a hug, hoping desperately that Derrick’s friend didn’t hate me now. “How are you doing?”
She pointed back at the parking lot. “Doing well, thanks. Dropping off one kiddo to soccer while the other one finishes piano, and I figured I’d rather wait here than the car.” She nodded at the empty seat across from me. “Waiting for someone?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I’m early, so I figured I’d do the same thing as you.”
“Mind if I sit?”
“Go right ahead.” I hoped my apprehension wasn’t visible. If there was anything I didn’t want to talk about it was our mutual acquaintance and the only reason we knew each other in the first place.
She excused herself to order coffee. When she had it, she returned and sat her purse on the ground. Then she studied me.
“I know it’s probably the last thing you want to talk about.”
I inwardly cringed.
“But I have to know. What happened?”
I stared morosely at the little hole in the lid of my cup.
“I mean,” she went on, “Derrick didn’t say much. Just told the guys at work that it didn’t work out. But after talking to both of you, I know it had to be more than that.”
“The simple answer?” I gave her a sad smile. “Too many variables.”
“How so?”
“It’s like we were talking about.” I went back to tracing patterns on the coffee sleeve. “My parents’ health. Derrick’s safety.” I paused. “And after what happened with him and Amy, even if I had said yes, I’m not sure he’d even want me after he got back. He could easily find someone else while he was gone.” Oh, yes. My mind had been busy churning up excuses since my talk with my mother. And I had a million, each with its own boatload of sense.
That was, until I said it out loud just now.
“I just…I need more stability than that.” I shook my head. “And I don’t think I could stand it,” my voice caught on the last word, “if something happened. I just don’t see how love is possible with all the things—”
“Now, hold on there.” She leaned forward, her dark eyes sharp. “I’ve been married to an airman for fifteen years now, and if there’s one thing I can tell you, it’s that love is only ever possible because you decide it’s possible.”
I stared back, gripping my cup with both hands.
“We have wills for a reason,” she continued, leaning back, her eyes no less brilliant. “And if I’m not mistaken, you have a pretty strong one. If we love someone, we can’t just rely on the ebb and flow of attraction and romance to carry our love along. We’ve got to decide whether we’re going to love them or not. Through thick and thin, we stand by their side. And sometimes, it’s not because we want to be there. It’s because we made the decision, and we’re going to honor our word and stick to it.”
I shook my head. “But what if we choose wrong?”
“Well, that’s a chance you’ll take no matter who you choose. But when you do decide to love someone, you have to be the one to choose it. And stick to it.” She shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. “Now, I’ll be the first to admit that loving a military man is hard. In fact, it’s really hard, especially when he’s exhausted from prepping to leave, and you and the kids are emotionally drained, and you’re both on your last straw.” She chuckled. “Believe me. It’s hard.” Then she looked at me. “But that’s where the real stuff begins. Jessie, if you want something worth waiting for, you have to get creative. You have to be willing to give God back the man He gave you. But again, it’s not really all that different from any other Joe Blow next door. Just as deployed husbands can get shot or hit with some sort of explosive device…”
I flinched.
“…the guy next door could step off a curb and get hit by a car. Or get some sort of cancer or disease.”
Did she have to hit home so hard?
